Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I Enjoy!"Experiences of living
139 total reviews
Comment from GWinterwin
Great poem about knowing there is a God and that he is in control and gives us things before we even ask sometimes. Great message here about our creator.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
  |
Great poem about knowing there is a God and that he is in control and gives us things before we even ask sometimes. Great message here about our creator.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for good review
Comment from Matthew M.
My first though was some of the abbreviations or truncations of the words seemed a little odd. However, with the author notes it made a lot more sense. Sounds like you have a very unique world view.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
My first though was some of the abbreviations or truncations of the words seemed a little odd. However, with the author notes it made a lot more sense. Sounds like you have a very unique world view.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for good review
Comment from Crystal Carey
Well can I say Alcreator I did have to reread this piece. However I got the gist from the first read. I mean I have been reading the Bible, I know God will give you what you ask for. You did a great job with this poem. It was also less abstract than some of the others of yours I have seen. Good job!!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
Well can I say Alcreator I did have to reread this piece. However I got the gist from the first read. I mean I have been reading the Bible, I know God will give you what you ask for. You did a great job with this poem. It was also less abstract than some of the others of yours I have seen. Good job!!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for clear review
Comment from Sanku
It is a carefully constructed poem.with the help of authors notes i was able to understand the theme.our needs are recognised even before we ask for them .how is something our scientific knowledge cannot explain.thank you for writing this form .i am seeing this for the first time.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
It is a carefully constructed poem.with the help of authors notes i was able to understand the theme.our needs are recognised even before we ask for them .how is something our scientific knowledge cannot explain.thank you for writing this form .i am seeing this for the first time.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
much appreciated
thanks for review
Comment from Paradox Tremors
It's certainly different and the shortening of some words did confuse me a bit--but I have to give you an "A" for the effort my friend. Better than anything I can do.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
It's certainly different and the shortening of some words did confuse me a bit--but I have to give you an "A" for the effort my friend. Better than anything I can do.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for appreciable review
Comment from garrymc5
You starting words
'given,
whate'er I ask,
differently, I know,"
have a rhythm to them that is admirable.
However, I question the need for the word 'differently' (an adverb, and in contrast to 'given' must be followed by a meaning that justifies it, or has meaning that is sensible.
Then,
my Science Math thought goes wrong, ---what's this have to do with given whate'r I need' ??? And why would your Math Science 'go wrong'??? In calculation, in class?? What is the distraction?
as unexplained power 'yond mort' offers per
natural, unknown, mystic ord, ---who????
an unseen eye, keeps track
my needs, ----who???
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
 |
You starting words
'given,
whate'er I ask,
differently, I know,"
have a rhythm to them that is admirable.
However, I question the need for the word 'differently' (an adverb, and in contrast to 'given' must be followed by a meaning that justifies it, or has meaning that is sensible.
Then,
my Science Math thought goes wrong, ---what's this have to do with given whate'r I need' ??? And why would your Math Science 'go wrong'??? In calculation, in class?? What is the distraction?
as unexplained power 'yond mort' offers per
natural, unknown, mystic ord, ---who????
an unseen eye, keeps track
my needs, ----who???
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
It's been a while since I've seen a rictameter.. since I started a contest for them, actually. Don't knw why they're not popular.
Okay, you want prof review, but I am not a pro so I'll jsut be honest.
>>unexplained power 'yond mort' offers per
>>natural, unknown, mystic ord,
You should avoid shortening words that are not commonly shortened (yond is okay) just to fit the syllable requirements. I see that a major failing here. There are soooooooo many ways to word the same idea that it's really inexcusable, I think. It also disrupts the flow of the poem, which is very impt to the reader. So, altho I give this five stars for message, it's really not a five-star rictameter. :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
It's been a while since I've seen a rictameter.. since I started a contest for them, actually. Don't knw why they're not popular.
Okay, you want prof review, but I am not a pro so I'll jsut be honest.
>>unexplained power 'yond mort' offers per
>>natural, unknown, mystic ord,
You should avoid shortening words that are not commonly shortened (yond is okay) just to fit the syllable requirements. I see that a major failing here. There are soooooooo many ways to word the same idea that it's really inexcusable, I think. It also disrupts the flow of the poem, which is very impt to the reader. So, altho I give this five stars for message, it's really not a five-star rictameter. :)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for review with suggestions
Comment from cvcopac
Right, we're never that smart, regardless of our education and sophistry. The omniscient eye knows what we want and need before we do. Kenny
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
Right, we're never that smart, regardless of our education and sophistry. The omniscient eye knows what we want and need before we do. Kenny
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for review
much appreciated your view
-
Good morning, Al.
Comment from fairy77
Yes indeed I cannot do math either LOL! Loved this piece and feel your frustration:(I'm glad your answers are given.I loved the display and the beautiful pic:)beth fairy77.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
Yes indeed I cannot do math either LOL! Loved this piece and feel your frustration:(I'm glad your answers are given.I loved the display and the beautiful pic:)beth fairy77.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks for comments
Comment from rhymelord
I have read, re-read and read again, but I still cannot find a coherent message in this obviously carefully constructed writing. Additionally, the use of unusual, often very archaic words to make the syllable count OK, while not reflecting any sense is not really an acceptable method. I once again urge you to pay attention to grammar and syntax. Then, your obviously fertile mind will have more chance of being known.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
I have read, re-read and read again, but I still cannot find a coherent message in this obviously carefully constructed writing. Additionally, the use of unusual, often very archaic words to make the syllable count OK, while not reflecting any sense is not really an acceptable method. I once again urge you to pay attention to grammar and syntax. Then, your obviously fertile mind will have more chance of being known.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
thanks
