Good Bye
Journey back to home14 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Fresh twist re remission vs dismissal with bonus MISS alliteration! That alone earns your stars. Poignant overall. Good opener smacked in the head. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Fresh twist re remission vs dismissal with bonus MISS alliteration! That alone earns your stars. Poignant overall. Good opener smacked in the head. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 28-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for reading and for your encouraging review.
Comment from TheManojArora
Firstly, I am commenting on the literary quality of the prose, and not on the emotions expressed in the story.
My dear Dad is gone. Rephrase this.
They told us his in remission! - He was in remission. OR He'd gone into remission.
They have never said dismissal. - They never said
A miracle happened, you waited for me two days -for me for two days
I hope you find the feedback helpful. Again, I am commenting on the prose, not the underlying emotions in the story. I do not know if the story is true. But it has been submitted to FICTION contest. That's all.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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Firstly, I am commenting on the literary quality of the prose, and not on the emotions expressed in the story.
My dear Dad is gone. Rephrase this.
They told us his in remission! - He was in remission. OR He'd gone into remission.
They have never said dismissal. - They never said
A miracle happened, you waited for me two days -for me for two days
I hope you find the feedback helpful. Again, I am commenting on the prose, not the underlying emotions in the story. I do not know if the story is true. But it has been submitted to FICTION contest. That's all.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for sharing your honest feedback and helping me correct my mistakes. English is my third language and probably I will never be able to master it to perfection. The story is real, my dad died last year, but you made a good point so I took my author notes out. One more time thank you so much for your support and stay safe wherever you are. Iza
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Happy to help. :)
Comment from papa55mike
What a wonderfully written story full of emotion. Please check one line. They told us his (he's) in remission. Best of luck with your writing.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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What a wonderfully written story full of emotion. Please check one line. They told us his (he's) in remission. Best of luck with your writing.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 27-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much Mr. Mike and please stay safe.
Comment from Shirley McLain
This is a sad piece to read. I'm sorry about your dad. You did an excellent job and I didn't find any errors to relate to you. Stay healthy in this time of our evil bug. Shirley
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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This is a sad piece to read. I'm sorry about your dad. You did an excellent job and I didn't find any errors to relate to you. Stay healthy in this time of our evil bug. Shirley
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much Ms. Shiley, my life is not the same since he passed away. Please stay safe together with your dear ones.
