One Down
Hope for the best and expect the worst16 total reviews
Comment from tspencer
The story had me for the first half, then my mind started to wonder. But then as I got through 3/4 I started thinking none of it was real and waited for the story to flip. I was unimpressed when that flip came towards the end when Tony woke up from a nightmare and I thought, ugg so predictable. But then you snatched me by the collar and pulled me back into the story with Mordecai coming to life and killing Tony. I did not expect that, so I now think wow this could really be something.
-tspencer
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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The story had me for the first half, then my mind started to wonder. But then as I got through 3/4 I started thinking none of it was real and waited for the story to flip. I was unimpressed when that flip came towards the end when Tony woke up from a nightmare and I thought, ugg so predictable. But then you snatched me by the collar and pulled me back into the story with Mordecai coming to life and killing Tony. I did not expect that, so I now think wow this could really be something.
-tspencer
Comment Written 03-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed the story. I like unpredictable, twisted, endings. Much appreciate the review.
Comment from RShipp
Being chased by angry dogs ... "Run, or we're gonna be dog food!" I great line!
" Out of the corner of his saucer-sized eye, Tony observed the savages raced on a carpet of mist." What great description.
Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Being chased by angry dogs ... "Run, or we're gonna be dog food!" I great line!
" Out of the corner of his saucer-sized eye, Tony observed the savages raced on a carpet of mist." What great description.
Enjoyed.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Benshu-bookgai
I picked up on a clear parallel between the boys in the dream being afraid of the teeth (and claws) of the monsters chasing them and Tony's ultimate demise at the teeth of the leprechaun--a very interesting way to utilize foreshadowing.
The thing I felt was missing was a bit more explanation about how the leprechaun marionette and the leprechaun in the dream are linked, aside from simply being thematically related--did he stumble across the leprechaun puppet in a thrift shop and it led to good fortune, has the puppet been plaguing his dreams for a while and he hasn't been able to rid himself of it, would he bring the puppet out with him as he played with Jeremy on their regular misadventures and they stumbled into a gold cache with it, something like that.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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I picked up on a clear parallel between the boys in the dream being afraid of the teeth (and claws) of the monsters chasing them and Tony's ultimate demise at the teeth of the leprechaun--a very interesting way to utilize foreshadowing.
The thing I felt was missing was a bit more explanation about how the leprechaun marionette and the leprechaun in the dream are linked, aside from simply being thematically related--did he stumble across the leprechaun puppet in a thrift shop and it led to good fortune, has the puppet been plaguing his dreams for a while and he hasn't been able to rid himself of it, would he bring the puppet out with him as he played with Jeremy on their regular misadventures and they stumbled into a gold cache with it, something like that.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Appreciate the suggestions and the review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Masterfully written. Vivid imagery, believable banter, and fresh phrasing throughout. I enjoyed the touches of humor, i.e. the coinage of murderize! Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Masterfully written. Vivid imagery, believable banter, and fresh phrasing throughout. I enjoyed the touches of humor, i.e. the coinage of murderize! Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this piece of Flash Fiction. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Did you See That contest.
This short story is clear and well told and a little bit spooky.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Did you See That contest.
This short story is clear and well told and a little bit spooky.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your review.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I didn't know leprechauns were so ferocious. I'll have to keep that in mind if I ever find a pot of gold. They don't want to share. I sure don't want to be chased by monsters. Maybe I don't need the gold after all.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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I didn't know leprechauns were so ferocious. I'll have to keep that in mind if I ever find a pot of gold. They don't want to share. I sure don't want to be chased by monsters. Maybe I don't need the gold after all.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I guess that in every realm, stealing when caught comes with a high penalty. This is a good story you've developed here. I like it! Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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I guess that in every realm, stealing when caught comes with a high penalty. This is a good story you've developed here. I like it! Thanks for sharing this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this little posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Bichon
You have managed to write a very tension driven story, and the tension lasted from beginning to end, captivating the reader easily. Great work on it, best of luck!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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You have managed to write a very tension driven story, and the tension lasted from beginning to end, captivating the reader easily. Great work on it, best of luck!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and story, Brett.
-It is fast paced, and kept my attention
with effective dialogue and description.
-You developed the characters
and their situation very well.
-The supernatural beasts were eerie
with flaming red eyes and vicious fangs.
-I like how you incorporate the game
Tony and Jeremy had been playing earlier.
-But obviously, Mordecai was not happy
about Jeremy's boasting!
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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-Good artwork and story, Brett.
-It is fast paced, and kept my attention
with effective dialogue and description.
-You developed the characters
and their situation very well.
-The supernatural beasts were eerie
with flaming red eyes and vicious fangs.
-I like how you incorporate the game
Tony and Jeremy had been playing earlier.
-But obviously, Mordecai was not happy
about Jeremy's boasting!
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review, and done in poetry-style to boot.
Comment from Drew Delaney
Excellent story for the contest. I like the imagery you used especially. And a good pace in the story as well. Freaky end to the story. Best wishes in the contest. Keep safe my writing friend.
Drew
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Excellent story for the contest. I like the imagery you used especially. And a good pace in the story as well. Freaky end to the story. Best wishes in the contest. Keep safe my writing friend.
Drew
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
