An Eyewitness Account
Yes, sir, I saw the whole thing!20 total reviews
Comment from June Sargent
We may have some of our freedom restricted at this time of crisis, but there is nothing to prevent us from looking at a beautiful sunset that reminds us of the constancy of nature. The sun will rise and shine again, in spite of all the manmade chaos surrounding us. Thank you for sharing these uplifting words.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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We may have some of our freedom restricted at this time of crisis, but there is nothing to prevent us from looking at a beautiful sunset that reminds us of the constancy of nature. The sun will rise and shine again, in spite of all the manmade chaos surrounding us. Thank you for sharing these uplifting words.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is appreciated -- thank you!!
Comment from Bichon
In only 25 words, you have truly captured the essence of our day in such a unique manner. This was a very creative way of looking at our daily nature schedule. Well done!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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In only 25 words, you have truly captured the essence of our day in such a unique manner. This was a very creative way of looking at our daily nature schedule. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
This is a good subject and idea.
But I think firstly you need to address "queue" - I think you mean "cue".
My main point is that as I reader I am uncertain of the geography of the piece - by this I mean the sun cannot descend ('back down') into the hills it first rises from ("pressed up/chasing the sun'), which is the implication I get from the poem's imagery.
If you think I have misread you, I apologize, but then I would suggest that you perhaps tweak the wording so that others might avoid the mistake I have made in my reading.
If you do revise the text, message me and I will gladly revise this review.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Hello Anon
This is a good subject and idea.
But I think firstly you need to address "queue" - I think you mean "cue".
My main point is that as I reader I am uncertain of the geography of the piece - by this I mean the sun cannot descend ('back down') into the hills it first rises from ("pressed up/chasing the sun'), which is the implication I get from the poem's imagery.
If you think I have misread you, I apologize, but then I would suggest that you perhaps tweak the wording so that others might avoid the mistake I have made in my reading.
If you do revise the text, message me and I will gladly revise this review.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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'Cue' has been corrected. I appreciate the catch of my long-day error. Thank you.
Comment from Puzzle
This is a beautiful poem describing the sunset. This challenge was really difficult. You did a great job executing it! I also like the picture you chose to go along with it! Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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This is a beautiful poem describing the sunset. This challenge was really difficult. You did a great job executing it! I also like the picture you chose to go along with it! Great job!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - Thank you!
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent entry in this contest, you've done a wonderful job of 25 word contest,this, and it lines up with a great little stanza, great descriptive imagery, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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This is an excellent entry in this contest, you've done a wonderful job of 25 word contest,this, and it lines up with a great little stanza, great descriptive imagery, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!
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A pleasure
Comment from LisaMay
This is a very novel and arresting depiction of the sun's passage across the sky. I like an original way of describing something and this worked well to capture my attention.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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This is a very novel and arresting depiction of the sun's passage across the sky. I like an original way of describing something and this worked well to capture my attention.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The days seem to whizz by and no sooner the sun rises, it sets on the day. Time consumes us and I never have enough hours in the day, a melancholy write about time here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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The days seem to whizz by and no sooner the sun rises, it sets on the day. Time consumes us and I never have enough hours in the day, a melancholy write about time here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!!
Comment from moongirlwriter
Nicely done. . .and it's so perfect as it describes the sun. So true it always falls on que. Very nice artwork to accompany the writing. The best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Nicely done. . .and it's so perfect as it describes the sun. So true it always falls on que. Very nice artwork to accompany the writing. The best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!!
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:)
Comment from MissMerri
This is so close to a six! I loved the theme and the personification you used, and the scene you so beautifully painted, but I just really dislike the insertion of "did" here. I wish so desperately you could find a different wording that would not need "did." I'd like it better if you said, "Soon on Blue's ceiling she'll slide," which doesn't change the rhyme or meaning of your clever idea. What do you think? Love so much about this. I wanted to give it six stars.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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This is so close to a six! I loved the theme and the personification you used, and the scene you so beautifully painted, but I just really dislike the insertion of "did" here. I wish so desperately you could find a different wording that would not need "did." I'd like it better if you said, "Soon on Blue's ceiling she'll slide," which doesn't change the rhyme or meaning of your clever idea. What do you think? Love so much about this. I wanted to give it six stars.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Thank you for your suggestion, Miss Merri. Unfortunately, that would both lose one word in the word count and be stated from the wrong perspective/tense given the title/overall premise of the poem. But I do appreciate your note on 'did' as it was definitely a consideration when I went back and looked at it again. Made a switch in the order of the words and it seems to sound a bit better... thank you.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a well-written beautiful poem, Mystery Autor. I like the rhyme and near rhyme of your lines. Great job with the required 25 words. Your picture choice is perfect, too. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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What a well-written beautiful poem, Mystery Autor. I like the rhyme and near rhyme of your lines. Great job with the required 25 words. Your picture choice is perfect, too. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
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Your review is so appreciated - thank you!!
