Hamlet and the Skull
silly rhyming11 total reviews
Comment from Anya Trofimova
This is a wonderfully humorous script! I love the idea of this being a one-man show. The rhyme gives your writing a pace and creates a musical undertone. Well done!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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This is a wonderfully humorous script! I love the idea of this being a one-man show. The rhyme gives your writing a pace and creates a musical undertone. Well done!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Comment from robyn corum
Iza,
I am sure you will come to hate my name whenever you see it pop up. --sigh--
I hope not. My goal is just to help but I'm afraid my reviews may end up frustrating you. --frowny face--
I have to be honest with you - that's the only way I know to be. That way you can see your post through the eyes of the reader (this one, at least) and know how it's being read-- entirely objectively. You can read my thoughts and then use them or reject them out of hand.
I really, really liked the concept behind this script. I thought it was innovative and original. And that's awesome. Voters get so tired of seeing the same old, same old, right? So I think you are definitely on the right track. And here's the deal -- there's no limit on the length, so why not let the story play out a bit? Give enough detail to really let the readers or those watching the play understand what's going on?
I can tell you pretty certainly that there's probably not many art/drama departments who will put on a play where they have to create backdrops and arrangements (even the most minimal) when each of the two scenes take place in less than thirty to forty-five seconds -- right?
Composition notes:
1.) The cast:
Hamlet
Skull the confident.
--> in a minute, you'll say 'confidant' - which is correct?
2.) This script could be used in a school environment, because (it) (doesn't) require many prompts.
3.) in the garden carr(y)ing an umbrella and a skull.
4.) Your faith(,) it's so appealing
5.) Hamlet is looking left and right and runs for the door.
--> you've made a scene change - but to what? I THINK he may be inside now, but maybe not. Is he still in the garden and running for a door to the house or are they now in the house and running for an exit? Needs more info, please
6.) And get her spirit of(f)? my head
--OR --
--> And get the spirit of her head
7.) leaving the slipper in the middle of the scene.
--> but he said it was left on the boat --?
Plot notes:
1.) Consider what you are trying to tell/show the reader/viewer. Remember, all the reader gets is what you tell him. Although YOU can see it all perfectly in YOUR mind, we only know what you tell us. Make sure you have given us enough information to see the same thing and to have the same knowledge you do.
For instance, is that skull male or female? How are we to know?
What is the 'illusion' Hamlet refers to?
Why would there be a threat of bloodshed?
*
There are sooooo many unanswered questions. (I know some unanswered questions can be a good thing, but here, IMO, there are far too many.)
As I said, you aren't restricted to a small number of words, so you can add more if you choose. I hope you will.
Thank you a bunch. I think you are on the brink of something really amazing. I hope you'll take my thoughts and suggestions in the way I mean them. If you don't find anything you agree with, chuck the lot, for sure. This has nothing to do with you as a person - I like you! It's only regarding some bits on THIS post.
Much good luck to you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
Iza,
I am sure you will come to hate my name whenever you see it pop up. --sigh--
I hope not. My goal is just to help but I'm afraid my reviews may end up frustrating you. --frowny face--
I have to be honest with you - that's the only way I know to be. That way you can see your post through the eyes of the reader (this one, at least) and know how it's being read-- entirely objectively. You can read my thoughts and then use them or reject them out of hand.
I really, really liked the concept behind this script. I thought it was innovative and original. And that's awesome. Voters get so tired of seeing the same old, same old, right? So I think you are definitely on the right track. And here's the deal -- there's no limit on the length, so why not let the story play out a bit? Give enough detail to really let the readers or those watching the play understand what's going on?
I can tell you pretty certainly that there's probably not many art/drama departments who will put on a play where they have to create backdrops and arrangements (even the most minimal) when each of the two scenes take place in less than thirty to forty-five seconds -- right?
Composition notes:
1.) The cast:
Hamlet
Skull the confident.
--> in a minute, you'll say 'confidant' - which is correct?
2.) This script could be used in a school environment, because (it) (doesn't) require many prompts.
3.) in the garden carr(y)ing an umbrella and a skull.
4.) Your faith(,) it's so appealing
5.) Hamlet is looking left and right and runs for the door.
--> you've made a scene change - but to what? I THINK he may be inside now, but maybe not. Is he still in the garden and running for a door to the house or are they now in the house and running for an exit? Needs more info, please
6.) And get her spirit of(f)? my head
--OR --
--> And get the spirit of her head
7.) leaving the slipper in the middle of the scene.
--> but he said it was left on the boat --?
Plot notes:
1.) Consider what you are trying to tell/show the reader/viewer. Remember, all the reader gets is what you tell him. Although YOU can see it all perfectly in YOUR mind, we only know what you tell us. Make sure you have given us enough information to see the same thing and to have the same knowledge you do.
For instance, is that skull male or female? How are we to know?
What is the 'illusion' Hamlet refers to?
Why would there be a threat of bloodshed?
*
There are sooooo many unanswered questions. (I know some unanswered questions can be a good thing, but here, IMO, there are far too many.)
As I said, you aren't restricted to a small number of words, so you can add more if you choose. I hope you will.
Thank you a bunch. I think you are on the brink of something really amazing. I hope you'll take my thoughts and suggestions in the way I mean them. If you don't find anything you agree with, chuck the lot, for sure. This has nothing to do with you as a person - I like you! It's only regarding some bits on THIS post.
Much good luck to you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is interesting and very well thought out. You're crossing a few roads in this on putting characters together from totally different places. I've though of doing this myself. Thanks for sharing this humorous and well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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This is interesting and very well thought out. You're crossing a few roads in this on putting characters together from totally different places. I've though of doing this myself. Thanks for sharing this humorous and well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much , Mr. Jeffrey and you should definitively try it, it's lots of fun
Comment from Mark Schardine
I guess we should have imagined a parody of Hamlet with the skull, and that Shakespearean actors would need a bit of comic relief during rehearsals.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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I guess we should have imagined a parody of Hamlet with the skull, and that Shakespearean actors would need a bit of comic relief during rehearsals.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2020
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Ha, Ha, Ha very fun, fortunately the play is short:)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This was a fun script to read. The rhyming works well as does your stage directions and words for the play. Your words are descriptive and filled with imagery. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
scene 1 . . .carring--carrying
scene 2. . .of my head--off (not sure but I believe this is what you intended)
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This was a fun script to read. The rhyming works well as does your stage directions and words for the play. Your words are descriptive and filled with imagery. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
scene 1 . . .carring--carrying
scene 2. . .of my head--off (not sure but I believe this is what you intended)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2020
Comment from Bichon
This was such an interesting read! I recently only read Hamlet myself, so the play is still vivid in my mind. You did a great job at copying the style Hamlet was written in, and making a fun scene out of it!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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This was such an interesting read! I recently only read Hamlet myself, so the play is still vivid in my mind. You did a great job at copying the style Hamlet was written in, and making a fun scene out of it!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for the encouraging review.
Comment from country ranch writer
Is it supposed to read get her out of my head?nice poem though it makes one stop and think about what's important.to ones heart.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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Is it supposed to read get her out of my head?nice poem though it makes one stop and think about what's important.to ones heart.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
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You are so right
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Good luck in the contest
Comment from samandlancelot
Iza,
I'm not familiar with the real "Hamlet" story. When he left the slipper, did he leave the illusion, fairy tale? Is she no longer a fairy tale, and she's the who he'll wed. Will he wed his imagination?
Just wondering about these things.
This is (a) one man show.
because (it) dosen't require many prompts.
in the garden carring (carrying) an umbrella and a skull.
And get her spirit (out) of my head
We (we'd) better get wed!
|
Iza,
I'm not familiar with the real "Hamlet" story. When he left the slipper, did he leave the illusion, fairy tale? Is she no longer a fairy tale, and she's the who he'll wed. Will he wed his imagination?
Just wondering about these things.
This is (a) one man show.
because (it) dosen't require many prompts.
in the garden carring (carrying) an umbrella and a skull.
And get her spirit (out) of my head
We (we'd) better get wed!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2020
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A one-man play... very interesting! ;) Thanx so much for sharing! ;) Yvette
Skull his confident --> Skull (Hamlet's confidant)
worries dear Prince of night --> worries, dear Prince of Night,
consist of one person who plays Hamlter --> consists of one person who plays both Hamlet
because dosen't requires too many --> because doesn't require many
spirit of my --> spirit out of my
cortine is fading leaving --> stage lights are fading, leaving
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2020
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A one-man play... very interesting! ;) Thanx so much for sharing! ;) Yvette
Skull his confident --> Skull (Hamlet's confidant)
worries dear Prince of night --> worries, dear Prince of Night,
consist of one person who plays Hamlter --> consists of one person who plays both Hamlet
because dosen't requires too many --> because doesn't require many
spirit of my --> spirit out of my
cortine is fading leaving --> stage lights are fading, leaving
Comment Written 24-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review and for pointing out the weak spots. I have revised as per your wonderful advice. Good bless you:)
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for joining in the contest, Iza! I like your use of two very well known stories - that of Hamlet and of Cinderella. Could you please add the Cast Information? You might want to change the category to Script, too.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2020
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Thanks for joining in the contest, Iza! I like your use of two very well known stories - that of Hamlet and of Cinderella. Could you please add the Cast Information? You might want to change the category to Script, too.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much Helen, everything done as suggested:)
