Open House, Closed Doors
Monologue Quintet: pre- and post- mortem38 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Fantastic! No limit to your writing skill! Jim has come alive via your ingenious parsing of perspectives of those who treasured what morsels of himself he chose to share!
Whatever his actual birthday ("in the spring")-- This tender, insightful portrait of the private man with the giving heart is most surely an awesome gift!
Sixty five million stars wouldn't convey how I movong this read is... His spirit will live on...
How could it not with this memorial?
You have honored him with the sincerity of your friendship and affection!
I wish I'd known him!
(I struggled to wait until Sunday to review this-- when six stars would be available...on the end I tossed a dime, (Jim might have liked that)--
You came up Jim's faithful friend either way!
Best of the best from you!
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Fantastic! No limit to your writing skill! Jim has come alive via your ingenious parsing of perspectives of those who treasured what morsels of himself he chose to share!
Whatever his actual birthday ("in the spring")-- This tender, insightful portrait of the private man with the giving heart is most surely an awesome gift!
Sixty five million stars wouldn't convey how I movong this read is... His spirit will live on...
How could it not with this memorial?
You have honored him with the sincerity of your friendship and affection!
I wish I'd known him!
(I struggled to wait until Sunday to review this-- when six stars would be available...on the end I tossed a dime, (Jim might have liked that)--
You came up Jim's faithful friend either way!
Best of the best from you!
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Karenina--I am awed by your words. As for the bonussssss, it's the thought that counts.
I'm delighted that you chanced upon this no-can-tell script. Fate has smiled upon me.
I would have loved to get inside Jim's head--he was inscrutable in life, and alas, when I channeled him for the script he remained stubbornly secretive. All other characters I've invoked in my years of writing have been entirely forthcoming--indeed, they spew shocking revelations such as I could never have imagined! Cheers. LIZ
Eerie coincidence--I met Jim's sister at the funeral and we stayed in touch, I told her about StoryLand, she expressed interest... a few weeks later she joined ... guess what she found featured on my profile! Blindsided and overwhelmed with emotion, she didn't write a review--she called to let me know she'd found it powerful and cathartic.
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Fate has a funny way of leading people to where they need to be. SO glad Jim's sister has come aboard! More so, that she was blessed by reading this tribute to her brother. I confess, I'd been searching for it since your post about not being able to promote the previous ones... Fate brought me to the front page and I scrolled down ... There you were! AMAZING WRITE! I've gotta believe Jim's smiling down from wherever fine souls fly. He'd be surprised, I think, just how much of a mark he made on the lives of those friends he thought he'd managed to keep at arms length. Maybe so... But not at heart's length! Thanks. For being you... Karenina
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear ee, This post was quite a marathon to read, and it was not until the very end, that I discovered that it all came from your imagination, when you confessed that All this dialogue was written by you !
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Dear ee, This post was quite a marathon to read, and it was not until the very end, that I discovered that it all came from your imagination, when you confessed that All this dialogue was written by you !
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you took the time to read this. I fear you'll be one of few--most people (not me) pass on scripts.
I would have loved to get inside Jim's head--he was inscrutable in life, and alas, when I channeled him for the script he remained stubbornly secretive. All other characters I've invoked in my years of writing have been entirely forthcoming--indeed, they spew shocking revelations such as I could never have imagined! Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job formatting this script, Liz.. I like the way each person of importance was given their own scene to tell of Jim and his influence in their lives (even if some is elaborated). I could picture Jim from the descriptive word choices and how the other members acted toward him. Your script is well-written though poignant.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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You did a great job formatting this script, Liz.. I like the way each person of importance was given their own scene to tell of Jim and his influence in their lives (even if some is elaborated). I could picture Jim from the descriptive word choices and how the other members acted toward him. Your script is well-written though poignant.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you took the time to read this. I fear you'll be one of few--most people (not me) pass on scripts.
I would have loved to get inside Jim's head--he was inscrutable in life, and alas, when I channeled him for the script he remained stubbornly secretive. All other characters I've invoked in my years of writing have been entirely forthcoming--indeed, they spew shocking revelations such as I could never have imagined! Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Liz.
This is a great narration of a story of friends. It's not about fictional "Friends" like on television, it's about real friends that share lifetimes. The ending would've been joyful had Jim walked away from chemo the last day in full remission and cured.
Life isn't always like that. Life is how you wrote about it in this story. The narrative and descriptions you've written are outstanding. Very well done.
Robert.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Hello Liz.
This is a great narration of a story of friends. It's not about fictional "Friends" like on television, it's about real friends that share lifetimes. The ending would've been joyful had Jim walked away from chemo the last day in full remission and cured.
Life isn't always like that. Life is how you wrote about it in this story. The narrative and descriptions you've written are outstanding. Very well done.
Robert.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Delightful ssssssurprise!
Not only the bonus but that you chanced upon this script. Fate has smiled upon me.
I am awed by your remarks.
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P.S. Thanks for the blue ribbon pending! (@ #15)
Comment from Judy Lawless
Liz, this is such a beautiful memorial to your friend, Jim. You've given all the speakers, Jim's comrades, a voice filled with the love they had for him. It's hard to understand why he was so private, but you've respected his wishes to keep it that way. Perfect!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Liz, this is such a beautiful memorial to your friend, Jim. You've given all the speakers, Jim's comrades, a voice filled with the love they had for him. It's hard to understand why he was so private, but you've respected his wishes to keep it that way. Perfect!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Judy--Delightful ssssssurprise!
Not only the bonus but that you chanced upon this script. Fate has smiled upon me.
Comment from muffinmama
What a gripping piece of writing. The entire script is a build-up to the anti-climax (the reader knows that Jim died), and yet, I found myself holding my breath to see what would come next. Would Jim finally relax his privacy rules or will he take his story with him?
You wrote a very respectful and affectionate tribute. He seems to have deserved it.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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What a gripping piece of writing. The entire script is a build-up to the anti-climax (the reader knows that Jim died), and yet, I found myself holding my breath to see what would come next. Would Jim finally relax his privacy rules or will he take his story with him?
You wrote a very respectful and affectionate tribute. He seems to have deserved it.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Ryma--Delightful ssssssurprise!
Not only the bonus but that you chanced upon this script. Fate has smiled upon me.
Comment from Possummagic
A fitting tribute to a person who would call nobody friend. I guess this is so that he owes nothing to anyone and they owe him nothing when he passes on to the afterlife. I suspect he was a lonely man though. M x
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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A fitting tribute to a person who would call nobody friend. I guess this is so that he owes nothing to anyone and they owe him nothing when he passes on to the afterlife. I suspect he was a lonely man though. M x
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you took the time to read this. I fear you'll be one of few--most people (not me) pass on scripts.
I would have loved to get inside Jim's head--he was inscrutable in life, and alas, when I channeled him for the script he remained stubbornly secretive. All other characters I've invoked in my years of writing have been entirely forthcoming--indeed, they spew shocking revelations such as I could never have imagined! Cheers. LIZ
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You are welcome, I know it will always be a good read, and it didn?t disappoint! Mx
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
I was intrigued by this script, which reminded me of "The Big Chill." How curious that 12 people--like Jim's disciples--gather twice a year and don't really know each other. (Is Patriots' Day celebrated twice a year?) Each character sounds different and emphasizes different facets of relationships to Jim, but not different facets of Jim. He manages his own private persona well. What stood out most to me in Act I was Jim's secrecy about his birthday so I appreciated how the ending of the play circled back to that. In Act III I was amused that Jim's "career died of natural causes." In Act IV I loved Jim's trick: "Distract them with themselves." (Oh, how we fall for that every time!) I enjoyed his "shell game" and the puns that went along with those references. In Act V I was a little confused about when the funeral actually occurred. Liz was talking to Chris on Sunday night and I didn't see a transition to "The funeral was last night." Since all 12 attended, I realized it happened after Sunday night. I didn't understand the reference to the Winchester census because the only places mentioned were Boston and Cleveland. I realize there was a link to the obituary, but why Winchester? I assumed his "twin" was Rob because they shared a birthday. Correct?
Your title is great.
A few suggestions:
Act I, second paragraph: "though email" should be "through email."
Act I, fourth paragraph: this may be your preference: "had beat us," but I'd write "had beaten us" (from an "older" English major)
Act IV, seventh paragraph: physical "weaknes" . Add "s"
Act V, sixth paragraph: 'tween-age mischief needs a quotation mark after mischief. Why did you use single quotation marks here when you used double quotation marks around "twin"?
I really enjoyed this!
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2020
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I was intrigued by this script, which reminded me of "The Big Chill." How curious that 12 people--like Jim's disciples--gather twice a year and don't really know each other. (Is Patriots' Day celebrated twice a year?) Each character sounds different and emphasizes different facets of relationships to Jim, but not different facets of Jim. He manages his own private persona well. What stood out most to me in Act I was Jim's secrecy about his birthday so I appreciated how the ending of the play circled back to that. In Act III I was amused that Jim's "career died of natural causes." In Act IV I loved Jim's trick: "Distract them with themselves." (Oh, how we fall for that every time!) I enjoyed his "shell game" and the puns that went along with those references. In Act V I was a little confused about when the funeral actually occurred. Liz was talking to Chris on Sunday night and I didn't see a transition to "The funeral was last night." Since all 12 attended, I realized it happened after Sunday night. I didn't understand the reference to the Winchester census because the only places mentioned were Boston and Cleveland. I realize there was a link to the obituary, but why Winchester? I assumed his "twin" was Rob because they shared a birthday. Correct?
Your title is great.
A few suggestions:
Act I, second paragraph: "though email" should be "through email."
Act I, fourth paragraph: this may be your preference: "had beat us," but I'd write "had beaten us" (from an "older" English major)
Act IV, seventh paragraph: physical "weaknes" . Add "s"
Act V, sixth paragraph: 'tween-age mischief needs a quotation mark after mischief. Why did you use single quotation marks here when you used double quotation marks around "twin"?
I really enjoyed this!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2020
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Melissa--I am delighted you enjoyed the play and am awed by the time you took to line-edit; I appreciate the specific paragraph references--thanks for sparing me from searching five haystacks! I fixed both typos, changed beat to beaten, and addressed all the points of confusion: I have Chris mention Jim's New Year's Day brunch; I made explicit his "twin" Rob; I say "the funeral--a week after Jim's death--was last night"; I changed "Winchester" to "the town." ('tween-age is an idiomatic play on teen-age; (be)'tween meaning pre-teen.) Thanks so much for stopping by! Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
I was strongly reminded of Ron Swanson from Parks and Recs while reading this. I understand the need for privacy, especially in a world which is growing increasingly invasive. Facts about a person's life really doesn't matter, evinced by the way people loved Jim because of his personality. It's sad that he felt like he had to stay within a shell, though.
one thing:
When this all started, four months ago, it was physical weaknesst [hat] made me call for nursing help. -- that
If there was anything else I was too busy reading to notice (lol). Cheers.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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I was strongly reminded of Ron Swanson from Parks and Recs while reading this. I understand the need for privacy, especially in a world which is growing increasingly invasive. Facts about a person's life really doesn't matter, evinced by the way people loved Jim because of his personality. It's sad that he felt like he had to stay within a shell, though.
one thing:
When this all started, four months ago, it was physical weaknesst [hat] made me call for nursing help. -- that
If there was anything else I was too busy reading to notice (lol). Cheers.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Eagle Eyes--the fix is in! I appreciate your thoughtful remarks. I had a long and intense conversation with Jim's sister--whom I met at his funeral--she was just as mystified as the rest of us. Cheers. LZ
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I really enjoyed the back and forth, the sharing of each person's experience with Jim. When Jim entered the stage, I had hoped for more insight. I know this is based on a true experience as you state in your author's notes, but I can't help but want more... more from Jim's personal point of veiw... but maybe that isn't true to your story.
I think this is very well written - a very unique tale.
it was physical weaknesst hat (weakness that)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I really enjoyed the back and forth, the sharing of each person's experience with Jim. When Jim entered the stage, I had hoped for more insight. I know this is based on a true experience as you state in your author's notes, but I can't help but want more... more from Jim's personal point of veiw... but maybe that isn't true to your story.
I think this is very well written - a very unique tale.
it was physical weaknesst hat (weakness that)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thanks Margaret--I too would have loved to get inside Jim's head--he was inscrutable in life, and alas, when I channeled him for the script he remained stubbornly secretive. All other characters I've invoked in my years of writing have been entirely forthcoming--indeed, they spew shocking revelations such as I could never have imagined! Cheers. LIZ
