The Last Slice
Saved just for you17 total reviews
Comment from nancyjam
This was a great but creepy story poem. Terrific images throughout.
Certainly keeps the reader's attention. I couldn't stop reading.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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This was a great but creepy story poem. Terrific images throughout.
Certainly keeps the reader's attention. I couldn't stop reading.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reading my poem, it's very appreciated. :)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Saved just for you
The Last Slice
by Boogienights
Hello, my friend,
Your poem sounds like a horror story...I love it. Great entry for the Story Poem writing prompt contest. Kyle was a dirty rat and was eaten by rats... poetic justice. It's not very clear but I think he was eating a piece of pie with his meat. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Saved just for you
The Last Slice
by Boogienights
Hello, my friend,
Your poem sounds like a horror story...I love it. Great entry for the Story Poem writing prompt contest. Kyle was a dirty rat and was eaten by rats... poetic justice. It's not very clear but I think he was eating a piece of pie with his meat. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thank you. Its actually a repost, because I ran out of ideas...my muse took a vacation..lol. I came in tied for 3rd I believe. Thanks again for reading. :)
Comment from AprilViolet
What an absolutely chilling poem! So many twists and turns i wasn't sure what would happen next! And the ending? Wow! Just wow! Definitely didn't see that coming. Excellent poem with a surprise ending
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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What an absolutely chilling poem! So many twists and turns i wasn't sure what would happen next! And the ending? Wow! Just wow! Definitely didn't see that coming. Excellent poem with a surprise ending
Comment Written 12-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this stellar review. I'm so glad you liked it. :)
Comment from Wendy G
Oh my goodness! What a story in a poem! (It would also have been good in that "Revenge" contest a few weeks ago! Excellent writing (but I would say "made her leave", not "had drove", for grammatical reasons, and also "lay on the dusty bed", rather than "laid"). Very best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Oh my goodness! What a story in a poem! (It would also have been good in that "Revenge" contest a few weeks ago! Excellent writing (but I would say "made her leave", not "had drove", for grammatical reasons, and also "lay on the dusty bed", rather than "laid"). Very best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading and for the suggestions. I'm so glad to hear from you. :)
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a terrific poem, Sharon. Congratulations again on your Recognized Writer award. With this superb story telling I can definitely see why.
Revenge is a dish best served with apple pie.
Excellent horror tale and so very well done.
Gloria
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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This is a terrific poem, Sharon. Congratulations again on your Recognized Writer award. With this superb story telling I can definitely see why.
Revenge is a dish best served with apple pie.
Excellent horror tale and so very well done.
Gloria
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading my poem, I'm glad you liked it.:)
Comment from robyn corum
BN,
Oh, my! I was not expecting anything like that at all! Wow. What a crazy, horrifying twist!
This seems to be one of the longest poems/pieces by you I've ever read. But it was interesting and intriguing and captivating. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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BN,
Oh, my! I was not expecting anything like that at all! Wow. What a crazy, horrifying twist!
This seems to be one of the longest poems/pieces by you I've ever read. But it was interesting and intriguing and captivating. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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It was so long I fell asleep writing it..lol. Thanks so much for reading my poem. :)
Comment from Jay Squires
Where have you been? This is superb storytelling--itself a difficult task. But to rhyme and keep it at a tempo one could dance to ... now that's amazing!
laying naked on the floor. [correcting laying to lying doesn't change your exquisite meter.]
That one small glitch can't stop me from giving you such a richly rewarded 6 stars.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Where have you been? This is superb storytelling--itself a difficult task. But to rhyme and keep it at a tempo one could dance to ... now that's amazing!
laying naked on the floor. [correcting laying to lying doesn't change your exquisite meter.]
That one small glitch can't stop me from giving you such a richly rewarded 6 stars.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this fantastic review and the 6 stars. Also for your thoughtful suggestions. :)
Comment from gingermo
This poem tells a good story and entertained me to the end. Although reasonably long It maintained its rhythm and rhyme throughout. The end was surprising and satisfying even though a bit gory. I smiled to myself at the last line. I feel this poem deserves an exceptional rating.Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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This poem tells a good story and entertained me to the end. Although reasonably long It maintained its rhythm and rhyme throughout. The end was surprising and satisfying even though a bit gory. I smiled to myself at the last line. I feel this poem deserves an exceptional rating.Well done.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Thank you for this great review and the 6 stars. I'm glad you liked it. :)
Comment from JudyE
You've really fulfilled the prompt here and told a pretty chilling horror story.
I do have a few comments, if that's okay. Ignore anything you don't agree with.
Driving in his mustang, - I would capitalise 'Mustang'
He passed through many tiny towns
to find an old Motel. - I don't think 'motel' needs a capital letter
A creeky rusted sign proclaimed - spelling - 'creaky'
Tortured now by thoughts of her
and how he caused her death,
made his head and heartache. - I think this should be 'heart ache' - two words
Like someone in the movies,
or an Angel in a dream. - lower case for 'angel'
He thought that he might try it,
it's top a golden brown. - delete apostrophe
The rats bit deep,
in agony he tried to twist away. - comma needed after 'agony'
What pain the rats had caused him,
was nothing to compare,
with the knife, the woman used on him - delete comma after 'knife'
with such a skillful flair.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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You've really fulfilled the prompt here and told a pretty chilling horror story.
I do have a few comments, if that's okay. Ignore anything you don't agree with.
Driving in his mustang, - I would capitalise 'Mustang'
He passed through many tiny towns
to find an old Motel. - I don't think 'motel' needs a capital letter
A creeky rusted sign proclaimed - spelling - 'creaky'
Tortured now by thoughts of her
and how he caused her death,
made his head and heartache. - I think this should be 'heart ache' - two words
Like someone in the movies,
or an Angel in a dream. - lower case for 'angel'
He thought that he might try it,
it's top a golden brown. - delete apostrophe
The rats bit deep,
in agony he tried to twist away. - comma needed after 'agony'
What pain the rats had caused him,
was nothing to compare,
with the knife, the woman used on him - delete comma after 'knife'
with such a skillful flair.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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All corrected! Thank you so much, I've never been very good at punctuation. I appreciate your help and for taking the time to read my poem. :)
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Wow, this was quite a wonderfully grisly tale you've spun here. It first sounded like an innocent accident until we get to about the middle of it. He had been an abuser who had planned out his own wife's death. I guess that in the end, he got his just desserts....Thanks for sharing this well written work. I enjoyed reading it. Well done!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Wow, this was quite a wonderfully grisly tale you've spun here. It first sounded like an innocent accident until we get to about the middle of it. He had been an abuser who had planned out his own wife's death. I guess that in the end, he got his just desserts....Thanks for sharing this well written work. I enjoyed reading it. Well done!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading my poem. I think I watch too much I D channel. :)
