The Book of Retirement
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The fear"Short story about a fictive retirement
9 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
It can be hard deciding when is the best time to retire. Luckily for George, this was just a dream. I've given four stars but am happy to revise this after some edits have been made.
I picked up a few points:
George went to his Boss to inform him, that he is ready to sacrifice and take the package and leave space for the young millennial's to do some work. - I might have said 'ready to make the sacrifice'. Delete apostrophe in 'millennials'
The Boss happily congratulated him, between you and me, - period after 'him'
The Boss happily congratulated him, between you and me, the Boss is going to look like a hero, because in this bad economy he just gained a spot in the upper management. - commas needed either side of 'in this bad economy'
She got so used to have a ride in the morning to her work. - maybe 'she had become so used to having a ride to work each morning'
"Well, she will have to get used to go to work without me - should be 'used to going to work..'
For his voluntary retirement they will pay him the salary for two years - comma after 'retirement'
One morning as he was sipping his Cuban favorite coffee - '... his favourite Cuban coffee'
George started to breath heavily: - should be 'breathe'
What about my dreams and for what I have worked so hard for forty years? - comma after 'dreams'
"The Government have invested the pension funds - should be 'has invested'
George, started to scream: - delete comma after 'George'
We have lots of empty land here, why will they waste our - period after 'here'
No banks, and no investments, my pillow will be my piggy bank - period after 'investments'
His wife gave him the lunatic look; but he didn't care, he knew what he had to do with his money - period after 'care'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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It can be hard deciding when is the best time to retire. Luckily for George, this was just a dream. I've given four stars but am happy to revise this after some edits have been made.
I picked up a few points:
George went to his Boss to inform him, that he is ready to sacrifice and take the package and leave space for the young millennial's to do some work. - I might have said 'ready to make the sacrifice'. Delete apostrophe in 'millennials'
The Boss happily congratulated him, between you and me, - period after 'him'
The Boss happily congratulated him, between you and me, the Boss is going to look like a hero, because in this bad economy he just gained a spot in the upper management. - commas needed either side of 'in this bad economy'
She got so used to have a ride in the morning to her work. - maybe 'she had become so used to having a ride to work each morning'
"Well, she will have to get used to go to work without me - should be 'used to going to work..'
For his voluntary retirement they will pay him the salary for two years - comma after 'retirement'
One morning as he was sipping his Cuban favorite coffee - '... his favourite Cuban coffee'
George started to breath heavily: - should be 'breathe'
What about my dreams and for what I have worked so hard for forty years? - comma after 'dreams'
"The Government have invested the pension funds - should be 'has invested'
George, started to scream: - delete comma after 'George'
We have lots of empty land here, why will they waste our - period after 'here'
No banks, and no investments, my pillow will be my piggy bank - period after 'investments'
His wife gave him the lunatic look; but he didn't care, he knew what he had to do with his money - period after 'care'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Hi Judy, thank you so much for your grammar corrections and the wonderful review. I'm telling you, English will be the death of me:) I know nobody force me to write in this language, but since I am here what the heck:0
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I really admire your tenacity in writing in English. It is not an easy language to learn. Take heart from the fact that you will be improving all the time.
Comment from BethShelby
This would be a nightmare after having worked all you life hoping to retire and leisure time to things you've dreamed of doing and find the retirement isn't going to last over two years. I guess it was a wake up call. Everyone needs to think about whether they can ever afford to retire. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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This would be a nightmare after having worked all you life hoping to retire and leisure time to things you've dreamed of doing and find the retirement isn't going to last over two years. I guess it was a wake up call. Everyone needs to think about whether they can ever afford to retire. Nicely written.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Yes you are so right.
Comment from BethShelby
This would be a nightmare after having worked all you life hoping to retire and leisure time to things you've dreamed of doing and find the retirement isn't going to last over two years. I guess it was a wake up call. Everyone needs to think about whether they can ever afford to retire. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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This would be a nightmare after having worked all you life hoping to retire and leisure time to things you've dreamed of doing and find the retirement isn't going to last over two years. I guess it was a wake up call. Everyone needs to think about whether they can ever afford to retire. Nicely written.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for your review, and these are all valid questions and worries.
Comment from estory
I thought it was a great little story, and it tells of all those fears we all have about having enough in retirement and worries about being screwed by the crazy governments of this world. I went through this myself when the company I worked for went bankrupt and the pension fund got into trouble. And who knows about social security? Is it so secure? estory
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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I thought it was a great little story, and it tells of all those fears we all have about having enough in retirement and worries about being screwed by the crazy governments of this world. I went through this myself when the company I worked for went bankrupt and the pension fund got into trouble. And who knows about social security? Is it so secure? estory
Comment Written 02-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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You are so right and this is my greatest fear
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Retirement is a bothersome word to many moving toward their retirement years. There is too much uncertainty so folks worry and it can come out in dreams. Very well written and meaningful.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Retirement is a bothersome word to many moving toward their retirement years. There is too much uncertainty so folks worry and it can come out in dreams. Very well written and meaningful.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for the good wishes and for your nice review
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt chapter when things are tough at work we often wish we could go into retirement and get away from the stresses of the work place, but we don't always realize the financial implications.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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A very well-written heartfelt chapter when things are tough at work we often wish we could go into retirement and get away from the stresses of the work place, but we don't always realize the financial implications.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Yes you are so right, and nowadays nothing is save anymore
Comment from country ranch writer
Many should take note from this will we be able to retire and live on the money the government will give us in social security benifits?
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Many should take note from this will we be able to retire and live on the money the government will give us in social security benifits?
Comment Written 01-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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You are right and yet most of us are at the mercy of the financial institutions that are managing our money pre-retirement
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
This was a good read and George's fear and insecurity was spot on as he had worked 40 years of live to earn that break and taking his pension away would be cruel! Glad it was just a nightmare, a dream for him.
Two little suggestions...
The Government have invested the pension funds in a project that was design to move people to Mars...(designed)
why will they waste our pension's funds into a SF project?...(pension funds)
Have a good day :-)
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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This was a good read and George's fear and insecurity was spot on as he had worked 40 years of live to earn that break and taking his pension away would be cruel! Glad it was just a nightmare, a dream for him.
Two little suggestions...
The Government have invested the pension funds in a project that was design to move people to Mars...(designed)
why will they waste our pension's funds into a SF project?...(pension funds)
Have a good day :-)
Comment Written 01-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Thank you and also thank you for your great suggestions
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You are most welcome! :-)
Comment from royowen
Yes, I guess when we all reach that point in life when we will be retiring, we naturally of how we're going to live, and in what. Poor old George he had the accompanying nightmare. Well done, Iza, an excellent story, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : He just gain(ed) a spot...2: that was design(ed) for 3: George open(ed) his eyes
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Yes, I guess when we all reach that point in life when we will be retiring, we naturally of how we're going to live, and in what. Poor old George he had the accompanying nightmare. Well done, Iza, an excellent story, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : He just gain(ed) a spot...2: that was design(ed) for 3: George open(ed) his eyes
Comment Written 01-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Thank you for your amazing support and grammar suggestions
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Well done
