Og and Ugg ~ The Attack, Part 1
Og leads his people.27 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
love this image:"Og said Willow resembled Ugg, with her flaxen hair and deep blue eyes." It is interesting that even in times of crisis, there are power struggles. I've seen it in other stories and in life. Og was an example of how to defuse a potential argument.
When you mention keeping time with his walking stick are you talking about rhythm or daytime? You may have meant rhythm but it made me think of some of the reading I've done. You would be interested in the fact that Native Americans used to keep time of the day by their hand. They would say a hand of time, 3 fingers of time. From the little finger on the horizon to the thumb at the sun. There are diagrams on line if you wonder what it would look like. You have drawn the reader inb to want to run down the hill with Og. Well planned out.
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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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love this image:"Og said Willow resembled Ugg, with her flaxen hair and deep blue eyes." It is interesting that even in times of crisis, there are power struggles. I've seen it in other stories and in life. Og was an example of how to defuse a potential argument.
When you mention keeping time with his walking stick are you talking about rhythm or daytime? You may have meant rhythm but it made me think of some of the reading I've done. You would be interested in the fact that Native Americans used to keep time of the day by their hand. They would say a hand of time, 3 fingers of time. From the little finger on the horizon to the thumb at the sun. There are diagrams on line if you wonder what it would look like. You have drawn the reader inb to want to run down the hill with Og. Well planned out.
.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2020
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First, thank you so much for I've been sitting at 25 for the longest time. You took me All Time Best status. Thank you, Liz. This is a fun write for me and I'm so glad you're enjoying this. Yes, life and measurements were much simpler. Since I am near blind, Ive gone back to using hand measurements. Less washing, too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xoxo
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and excellent story, Sally.
-It flowed off the page and
kept my attention throughout.
-The descriptions of the children
were very good, and it was nice
to know they were healthy and thriving.
-The danger they face is certainly troubling
at this special time in their lives.
-Og seems very sensible to go and
talk to the elders for a plan.
-It sounded like a good one, and
was going well. Even Ugg had what
seemed to be a new invention.
-All seems to be good until they
realize the marauders are headed to the valley.
-A very good chapter full of suspense
and good description in between.
-I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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-Very nice image and excellent story, Sally.
-It flowed off the page and
kept my attention throughout.
-The descriptions of the children
were very good, and it was nice
to know they were healthy and thriving.
-The danger they face is certainly troubling
at this special time in their lives.
-Og seems very sensible to go and
talk to the elders for a plan.
-It sounded like a good one, and
was going well. Even Ugg had what
seemed to be a new invention.
-All seems to be good until they
realize the marauders are headed to the valley.
-A very good chapter full of suspense
and good description in between.
-I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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This is such a lovely review and so honoring once again. Thank you so much, dear Pam. I'm so delighted that you are enjoying my ancient love story. Your reviews and stars a,ways make me smile and motivate me to write more. Most of all, I'm glad your approve of the twin's names. :) :)
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
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You are very welcome and deserving, Sally. I should have said something specific about the names, but they were very good choices.
Comment from RShipp
Your story-line had such intensity and the characters were wonderful. I found myself leaning forward as I read to follow teh group up teh steep mountain trails. Enjoyed!!!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Your story-line had such intensity and the characters were wonderful. I found myself leaning forward as I read to follow teh group up teh steep mountain trails. Enjoyed!!!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Thank you very much for the wonderful review and kindest compliments. So pleased you enjoyed the continuing story of Og and Ugg. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
Comment from poetwatch
Even in the land of a forgotten past no one lived in peace. Greed and war walk together taking what belongs to someone else. Og is a capable leader, Ugg a woman warrior, good combination. High ground is necessary to defend, water, shade and food is all that is needed. The valley is open ground. I pity the village. Good story Sally. I'm glad you write about these people of the past. Your grandchildren love it, right? :) Me too.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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Even in the land of a forgotten past no one lived in peace. Greed and war walk together taking what belongs to someone else. Og is a capable leader, Ugg a woman warrior, good combination. High ground is necessary to defend, water, shade and food is all that is needed. The valley is open ground. I pity the village. Good story Sally. I'm glad you write about these people of the past. Your grandchildren love it, right? :) Me too.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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Double good, dear poet. I'm delighted to see your reviews back to back. It means so much. I'm really surprised my poetry is so well received to be hi est. people must see through it to my heart where God is. Sending you my best today as always, please update me on your situation and family. I send this back with prayers for you all.
Sally xo
Comment from Benshu-bookgai
A good balance of pre-conflict peacetime setup and initial conflict. It also does a solid job of setting up Ugg as not just a mate & mother, but also a skilled fighter with tactical value to the tribe.
A few small recommendations/tweaks:
"He was larger than his sister by a hand-sized stone"--this seems like logical reasoning behind his name, but by describing it specifically as a "hand-sized" stone makes the fact that it was a rock less impactful than the fact that it was hand-sized. Since the sister is weepy like a willow, what if you made some reference to his comparison with a rock, e.g. "soon after birth, the boy lifted a large rock above his head, no easy feat for one so small"
Anachronisms cloud the timeline placement of the story a bit--the names Og an Ugg have neanderthalithic connotations, yet the references to horses and a field crow (Rock's hair) seem more in line with rural Native American culture, and the reference to the navigation star being called Polaris seems to want to drop it into a modern setting without any hint of any other modern influences.
"Suddenly, Ugg appeared, carrying a contraption Og had never seen before...Og had forgotten his mate...had fought off the ferocious mountain cats."--it seems a bit of a stretch that he would have (married?) Ugg, knowing full well the potential of her bad-ass-ery, but not knowing/never having seen her weapon of choice for just such an activity.
"she-creature" (I'm guessing is an infant girl?). Since there have already been references to twins and babies and a 'man-child', vernacular has already been established about descriptions of children and using another--more demeaning, less humanizing--one seems unnecessary and almost insulting to the gender considering the only other woman of any significance to the plot thus far has been shown to be a capable, contributing member of the tribe and her family. Changing it to something like "she-child" would keep it within the vernacular family (as a counter to "man-child").
Can't wait to read the next installment!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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A good balance of pre-conflict peacetime setup and initial conflict. It also does a solid job of setting up Ugg as not just a mate & mother, but also a skilled fighter with tactical value to the tribe.
A few small recommendations/tweaks:
"He was larger than his sister by a hand-sized stone"--this seems like logical reasoning behind his name, but by describing it specifically as a "hand-sized" stone makes the fact that it was a rock less impactful than the fact that it was hand-sized. Since the sister is weepy like a willow, what if you made some reference to his comparison with a rock, e.g. "soon after birth, the boy lifted a large rock above his head, no easy feat for one so small"
Anachronisms cloud the timeline placement of the story a bit--the names Og an Ugg have neanderthalithic connotations, yet the references to horses and a field crow (Rock's hair) seem more in line with rural Native American culture, and the reference to the navigation star being called Polaris seems to want to drop it into a modern setting without any hint of any other modern influences.
"Suddenly, Ugg appeared, carrying a contraption Og had never seen before...Og had forgotten his mate...had fought off the ferocious mountain cats."--it seems a bit of a stretch that he would have (married?) Ugg, knowing full well the potential of her bad-ass-ery, but not knowing/never having seen her weapon of choice for just such an activity.
"she-creature" (I'm guessing is an infant girl?). Since there have already been references to twins and babies and a 'man-child', vernacular has already been established about descriptions of children and using another--more demeaning, less humanizing--one seems unnecessary and almost insulting to the gender considering the only other woman of any significance to the plot thus far has been shown to be a capable, contributing member of the tribe and her family. Changing it to something like "she-child" would keep it within the vernacular family (as a counter to "man-child").
Can't wait to read the next installment!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2020
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Hello there. I'm so glad you enjoyed my story. This is the third in this series and I hope you'll catch the previous ones in my portfolio.
The book of Job speaks of the constellation Pleiades and Orion and was thought to be written in 530 BCE. My story is fictional but set in this historical timeframe of Uz, the home of Job. Early man measured with hands, arm's length and feet. That is where our modern systems of measurements come from. Thus, the hand-size stone. Part 2 of this coming soon. Sending you my best today as always
Sally :)
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sally, this is another enjoyable read of Og and Ugg's and their lives in the caves. I love to read about them and also now when they got to children. Wonderful story. Stay safe! Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Hi Sally, this is another enjoyable read of Og and Ugg's and their lives in the caves. I love to read about them and also now when they got to children. Wonderful story. Stay safe! Ulla xxx
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much, Ulla dear. So glad you enjoyed my ongoing story of ancient love. Sending you my best today as,
Sally xoxo
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Hooray!! Rock and Willow... love that the girl is 'weepy'! ;) :) And, oh, dear.... with new babies, both Ugg and Og cannot lead a defensive or an offensive! :/ :/ But at least Ugg can train some of them in Stone throwing and not go into the fray.... :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hooray!! Rock and Willow... love that the girl is 'weepy'! ;) :) And, oh, dear.... with new babies, both Ugg and Og cannot lead a defensive or an offensive! :/ :/ But at least Ugg can train some of them in Stone throwing and not go into the fray.... :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thanks so much for the cheering on Og and Ugg (and the babes.) I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
Comment from JudyE
Hello Sally
I hope you're keeping safe in these troubled times.
I picked up a few points that you might like to consider. As always, ignore any that you don't agree with.
Good news had spread all throughout the the land of Uz. - delete 'all' and 'the'
The twins had arrived to Og and Ugg to the surprise and delight of everyone. - I think this sentence would sound better if the second phrase was put first thus: 'To the surprise and delight of everyone, the twins had arrived to Og and Ugg.' - and maybe, just 'twins', deleting 'the'?
It took many weeks before choosing their names. - I might have said 'It took many weeks to choose their names.'
Finally, fitting names were given for both. - either 'given to both' or 'found for both'
"We have ten families, it is no small thing to do this, and to do it quickly." - period after 'families'
But, the maurauders weren't deterred - spelling - marauders
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hello Sally
I hope you're keeping safe in these troubled times.
I picked up a few points that you might like to consider. As always, ignore any that you don't agree with.
Good news had spread all throughout the the land of Uz. - delete 'all' and 'the'
The twins had arrived to Og and Ugg to the surprise and delight of everyone. - I think this sentence would sound better if the second phrase was put first thus: 'To the surprise and delight of everyone, the twins had arrived to Og and Ugg.' - and maybe, just 'twins', deleting 'the'?
It took many weeks before choosing their names. - I might have said 'It took many weeks to choose their names.'
Finally, fitting names were given for both. - either 'given to both' or 'found for both'
"We have ten families, it is no small thing to do this, and to do it quickly." - period after 'families'
But, the maurauders weren't deterred - spelling - marauders
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Thank you, Judy dear. Your never ending help and all-seeing eyes are so needed and appreciated. I'm glad you're enjoying this, too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
Comment from A. Willow Bends
Great job! I am bankrupt of sixes already! I LOVE the name Willow. Would have chosen it for a daughter if I would have had one! This is going to be another wonderful piece of work! (Publish?) Continue on!
Wendy
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Great job! I am bankrupt of sixes already! I LOVE the name Willow. Would have chosen it for a daughter if I would have had one! This is going to be another wonderful piece of work! (Publish?) Continue on!
Wendy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I thought I'd give your name a little stardom here. I love the name Willow because it reminds me of you. I'm not sure if you cry as much as our she-creature depicted here though. She's a babe so we will cut her some slack. :) So glad you enjoyed this and always appreciate your wonderful reviews and encouraging words. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
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Ah thanks! One of my favorite sayings is that a willow bends but does not break. I'd have to research where it came from. It certainly is not mine, but it does cover most of my life! :) THAT is where my pen name was derived from and why I would have chosen it as a daughter's name. I kept hinting it for my granddaughter's name, as MY father's name was William, but I just got looks with eyebrows down! We got a Hailey instead and then 4 years later an actual William. I am completely fine with both! Quite!
Wendy
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Sally Law,
Nice piece of Fiction having impressive phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lively imagery at several places, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Interesting! I'm waiting for the next part.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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Hello Sally Law,
Nice piece of Fiction having impressive phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lively imagery at several places, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Interesting! I'm waiting for the next part.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2020
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I have fun with my cave man and his family. I'm glad you enjoyed the third one in the series. I hope you can catch the previous two, Og and Ugg and Og and Ugg ~ Big Love. It chronicles their relationship. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this one, and really appreciate the wonderful review. Stay safe out there.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :)
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Sally, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
