Greasy Spoon
A slice of life look inside a greasy spoon cafe28 total reviews
Comment from Marietta Standlee
Very nicely written. I love the character descriptions and how they come to live and you can almost smell the bacon grease. It makes me want to go there and meet all the customers and servers.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Very nicely written. I love the character descriptions and how they come to live and you can almost smell the bacon grease. It makes me want to go there and meet all the customers and servers.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Wonderfully witty. Can't get see getting my ass into work--I heard that great line recently and so wanted to use it but couldn't recall how it went--thanks for the reminder and that chuckle among sooo many more. It would be cheating to paste in the entire story! Sly bit about the Lot Lizard--my name being Liz got my ex calling me LIZARD--then the next ex (not knowing my erstwhile nickname) used the term lot lizard--when he explained what it meant I was awfully relieved he didn't know my old nickname! Cheers. LIZ(ard)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Wonderfully witty. Can't get see getting my ass into work--I heard that great line recently and so wanted to use it but couldn't recall how it went--thanks for the reminder and that chuckle among sooo many more. It would be cheating to paste in the entire story! Sly bit about the Lot Lizard--my name being Liz got my ex calling me LIZARD--then the next ex (not knowing my erstwhile nickname) used the term lot lizard--when he explained what it meant I was awfully relieved he didn't know my old nickname! Cheers. LIZ(ard)
Comment Written 11-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from karenina
This is a very well written story! You have a casual style that endears you to the reader--and a real knack for capturing the atmosphere of a greasy spoon from management to patrons and back again. You placed me at a small corner table and allowed me to turn my head slowly and take in each scene. Nice!--Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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This is a very well written story! You have a casual style that endears you to the reader--and a real knack for capturing the atmosphere of a greasy spoon from management to patrons and back again. You placed me at a small corner table and allowed me to turn my head slowly and take in each scene. Nice!--Karenina
Comment Written 10-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
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Really good read....Karenina
Comment from Onixxiya
Such fun, so vivid. I would be entering this for Seal of Quality too. Frankly, the title caught my attention straight away - sounding quirky to someone who is not American - but I then recalled I do indeed know what a greasy spoon is within the first paragraph.
Slice of life is normally a hard on to sell, but your descriptions of the characters who are presented to us were both detailed and natural sounding, l definitely felt I was being spoken to rather than i was reading - favorites include "little old crookbacks", "full-featured fun" and "gun-wielding bubblegum machine operator".
As for your challenge - it's kinda cruel to do this with a piece you are clearly happy with, and for good reason but I am nothing if not compliant. So... at my most pernickety i would suggest a couple of contractions in your prose towards the top, just to sound more conversational these are: "my Dad still does not know about" - suggest "doesnt", "I hear you ask like you do not know" - suggest "don't", and finally "You bet we are all spell bound" - suggest "You can bet we're".
You may not agree, but as you asked, so I have provided.
In short - awesome, thoroughly enjoyed and inspired to try slice of life as a genre too :)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Such fun, so vivid. I would be entering this for Seal of Quality too. Frankly, the title caught my attention straight away - sounding quirky to someone who is not American - but I then recalled I do indeed know what a greasy spoon is within the first paragraph.
Slice of life is normally a hard on to sell, but your descriptions of the characters who are presented to us were both detailed and natural sounding, l definitely felt I was being spoken to rather than i was reading - favorites include "little old crookbacks", "full-featured fun" and "gun-wielding bubblegum machine operator".
As for your challenge - it's kinda cruel to do this with a piece you are clearly happy with, and for good reason but I am nothing if not compliant. So... at my most pernickety i would suggest a couple of contractions in your prose towards the top, just to sound more conversational these are: "my Dad still does not know about" - suggest "doesnt", "I hear you ask like you do not know" - suggest "don't", and finally "You bet we are all spell bound" - suggest "You can bet we're".
You may not agree, but as you asked, so I have provided.
In short - awesome, thoroughly enjoyed and inspired to try slice of life as a genre too :)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from humpwhistle
I think you've done a nice job of characterizing young Zach, though there's nothing particularly remarkable about him. I suppose that's your point. If I were you, and wanted a Seal, I'd be concerned that this story lacks any discernible plot, and relies heavily on telling rather than showing. I believe you'd be better off relating this story as 'live action' as opposed to this passive telling approach.
Just my opinions, mind you. But you asked for them.
Best of luck to you.
Peace, Lee
Carlyle Bramble strongly comments to all our greeters. -- 'Strongly comments' verges on contradiction, and 'highlights' the use of an adverb. I'd change both of those words.
When you deal in people, they come in all shapes and sizes. -- People come in all shapes and sizes whether you deal with them or not. Also, I'd look for an alternative to the cliche--all shapes and sizes.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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I think you've done a nice job of characterizing young Zach, though there's nothing particularly remarkable about him. I suppose that's your point. If I were you, and wanted a Seal, I'd be concerned that this story lacks any discernible plot, and relies heavily on telling rather than showing. I believe you'd be better off relating this story as 'live action' as opposed to this passive telling approach.
Just my opinions, mind you. But you asked for them.
Best of luck to you.
Peace, Lee
Carlyle Bramble strongly comments to all our greeters. -- 'Strongly comments' verges on contradiction, and 'highlights' the use of an adverb. I'd change both of those words.
When you deal in people, they come in all shapes and sizes. -- People come in all shapes and sizes whether you deal with them or not. Also, I'd look for an alternative to the cliche--all shapes and sizes.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thanks for the advice. You have earned seals before, so this is sound. Much appreciated.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Brett Matthew West,
It's a nice piece of Biographical Fiction having lucid wording, smooth and captivating flow in the beginning, but not so from middle to onward up to the end.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Hello Brett Matthew West,
It's a nice piece of Biographical Fiction having lucid wording, smooth and captivating flow in the beginning, but not so from middle to onward up to the end.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
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B.M. west, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from ann borges
This was a fun read, well written, entertaining. The only thought I had was that it was pretty cliche, the sort of stereotypes you would expect to see. How about some people who are out of the ordinary? It's a little predictable, or is that the idea?
I love the line about the kid liking his burgers to moo back at him. It all feels so real. I can actually see and hear the people who eat there. (Good writing)
Is the A-lister Mr. Bramble? Why would you snicker behind the back of a man who was a POW? Maybe I got that wrong. Perhaps they snicker after he tells the same war stories over and over?
Maybe take out: Neither am I. It doesn't seem to fit.
If he just got his license, I assume he's only 16. His Dad lets him come home at 4:00 a.m.? He's joking, right?
Twice you reminded us the next day was Saturday. You don't need it the second time.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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This was a fun read, well written, entertaining. The only thought I had was that it was pretty cliche, the sort of stereotypes you would expect to see. How about some people who are out of the ordinary? It's a little predictable, or is that the idea?
I love the line about the kid liking his burgers to moo back at him. It all feels so real. I can actually see and hear the people who eat there. (Good writing)
Is the A-lister Mr. Bramble? Why would you snicker behind the back of a man who was a POW? Maybe I got that wrong. Perhaps they snicker after he tells the same war stories over and over?
Maybe take out: Neither am I. It doesn't seem to fit.
If he just got his license, I assume he's only 16. His Dad lets him come home at 4:00 a.m.? He's joking, right?
Twice you reminded us the next day was Saturday. You don't need it the second time.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Craigitar
This is a well written slice of a young man's life! I only caught a few needed corrections: 'The nightly crowd has already (began)-(begun) to gather. I (watche)-(watch) the Morrison family...' 'I wave as I (sauntere)-(saunter) inside and admire his Lincoln Towncar.'
'Baby Number Four won't not be named for him.' This is confusing--the double negative indicates the baby will be named for Maryanne's husband though the next sentence casts doubt on who the actual father is.
'Bald-headed, Junior's a real good friend of mine. That's what we call the vertically challenged runt for sport.' Confusing: how does 'Bald-headed' equate with being vertically challenged?
Overall, a well written, engaging and entertaining piece, well worth the 5 stars in spite of the few nits.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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This is a well written slice of a young man's life! I only caught a few needed corrections: 'The nightly crowd has already (began)-(begun) to gather. I (watche)-(watch) the Morrison family...' 'I wave as I (sauntere)-(saunter) inside and admire his Lincoln Towncar.'
'Baby Number Four won't not be named for him.' This is confusing--the double negative indicates the baby will be named for Maryanne's husband though the next sentence casts doubt on who the actual father is.
'Bald-headed, Junior's a real good friend of mine. That's what we call the vertically challenged runt for sport.' Confusing: how does 'Bald-headed' equate with being vertically challenged?
Overall, a well written, engaging and entertaining piece, well worth the 5 stars in spite of the few nits.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I really enjoyed this story, and good luck with the Seal of Quality. There was lots going on, and I couldn't find much wrong with it at all. The only thing I picked up on was the part below. ... Dad politely wondered... That doesn't work at all. For a start, you don't know what he's wondering. That word has to go. How about instead of...
This afternoon (In) in the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely (wondered) asked, "What'cha think you're doing on your cell phone, Zack?" He looked at me suspiciously (and asked). "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"....
This afternoon in the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely asked, "What'cha think you're doing on your cell phone, Zack?" He looked at me suspiciously. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"
I hope that helps. Good luck, the story is great. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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I really enjoyed this story, and good luck with the Seal of Quality. There was lots going on, and I couldn't find much wrong with it at all. The only thing I picked up on was the part below. ... Dad politely wondered... That doesn't work at all. For a start, you don't know what he's wondering. That word has to go. How about instead of...
This afternoon (In) in the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely (wondered) asked, "What'cha think you're doing on your cell phone, Zack?" He looked at me suspiciously (and asked). "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"....
This afternoon in the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely asked, "What'cha think you're doing on your cell phone, Zack?" He looked at me suspiciously. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"
I hope that helps. Good luck, the story is great. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from samandlancelot
Brett,
You have an interesting story with excellent descriptions. You revealed your characters' personalities well. It's just another day in the diner, but what's the point in your story? Your hero (Zack) doesn't change. There are no incidents that change the atmosphere, and nothing seems to have been accomplished. It's like a snapshot, but I wonder if you need more story and purpose.
That's how we're supposed to begin every conversation we employees of Merwin's All-You-Can-Eat Cafe have with all guests we encountered (comma) with no exceptions.
This afternoon In the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely wondered, " (since this is from Zack's point of view (POV), you can't know what your Dad wondered. You're not inside his head. "politely uttered" could work.
were famous around Carving Stone High School, if you know what I meant. (mean)
I watched the Morrison's (Morrisons) pull into a Reserved parking space.
Patricia
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Brett,
You have an interesting story with excellent descriptions. You revealed your characters' personalities well. It's just another day in the diner, but what's the point in your story? Your hero (Zack) doesn't change. There are no incidents that change the atmosphere, and nothing seems to have been accomplished. It's like a snapshot, but I wonder if you need more story and purpose.
That's how we're supposed to begin every conversation we employees of Merwin's All-You-Can-Eat Cafe have with all guests we encountered (comma) with no exceptions.
This afternoon In the downstairs den of the house I lived in, my Dad politely wondered, " (since this is from Zack's point of view (POV), you can't know what your Dad wondered. You're not inside his head. "politely uttered" could work.
were famous around Carving Stone High School, if you know what I meant. (mean)
I watched the Morrison's (Morrisons) pull into a Reserved parking space.
Patricia
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Much appreciate your insights and the review.
