Obsessive Tendencies
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Lay of the Land"An Unlikely Journey Toward Reconstruction
18 total reviews
Comment from J TRedinger
I enjoyed reading this story. I can relate with competition and rivalry. I enjoyed the chase of the rabbit, with competition being what drove them to the end.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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I enjoyed reading this story. I can relate with competition and rivalry. I enjoyed the chase of the rabbit, with competition being what drove them to the end.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Thanx so much for stopping in on this one, JT -- your time and review are very appreciated! :) Yvette
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh my, how did I miss this incredible story! I had to start with chapter 1 and have read all up to this one! A Fairy and a werewolf! Boy are they in trouble! So deeply descriptive of both characters and environment! This will definitely be a favorite of mine too. Can't wait for your next chapter!!! xoxo
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Oh my, how did I miss this incredible story! I had to start with chapter 1 and have read all up to this one! A Fairy and a werewolf! Boy are they in trouble! So deeply descriptive of both characters and environment! This will definitely be a favorite of mine too. Can't wait for your next chapter!!! xoxo
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Hooray, Hooray!! I'm so very glad you've jumped on board to follow this unlikely pair -- not a whole lot of 'fantasy fans' around these parts so, I'm thrilled to know that you're interested enough to follow!! ;) Thanks much for those awesome stars... making me smile even through the gray over here! :) Take care of you and welcome to my imagination... lol! ;) Yvette
Comment from John bailey
this one chapter tells me the book is great, this is the teacher, I am the student, it flows like oil over a smooth rock. thank you for sharing these pages with me,
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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this one chapter tells me the book is great, this is the teacher, I am the student, it flows like oil over a smooth rock. thank you for sharing these pages with me,
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you for your review. However, I must ask, what adjustments need to be made?? The rating system for FanStory - listed below - states that below five stars needs adjustments and more. Your review states none. Could you please be more specific as to the corrections that need to be made? Thank you.
The site offers a six star scale for ranking work. Here's a guideline:
Six Stars (Exceptional: Simply Outstanding)
Five Stars (Excellent: Enjoyable and no revisions needed)
Four Stars (Good: Adjustments needed)
Three Stars (Below average)
Two Stars (Below Average: Needs lots of work)
One Star (Poor: Major revision required)
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I rated this chapter with five stars, I thought it was great, if you did not get five then there was a mistake, please tell me you got five stars.
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Actually, John, you gave it a three star rating.
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I am so sorry that was not my intentions, please forgive me,if i can make it up i will.
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All you have to do if you truly meant for it to be a five and not a three is to re-open the chapter and your review will be down there at the bottom. If you meant for it to be a five, simply select five in the pull down menu and save. Your words will remain yet the rating will be updated. Again, that is if you wish to do so - it is not a request. Thank you for inquiring and please let me know if you have any other questions/etc with which I can help as I would be happy to assist if I can! ;) Have a wonderful week! ;) Yvette
Comment from robyn corum
Vette,
I started this chapter a little confused - I thought the last one I read was four, so I expected to pick right up with the train of thought. But this one revolved around the hes in the story. BUT the intro seemed to indicate I may have missed something in between? Idk.
Some notes:
1.) "A run, Dray." He tossed the (bottle) into the sink behind Andre.
2.) Andre didn't answer, only pulled f(a)rther ahead.
--> when it's distances, use 'farther'
3.) no signals for assault - the rabbit belonged to who(m)ever caught it.
4.) So, yeah, simply guiding his bike up the long driveway brought back
--> very confused about the positions of the bikes during all this. They had them, then they started running, now he has his again, and in a couple more paragraphs, he'll mention parking them - but when?
--> needs more clarity (imo)
5.) neck as the amber eyes of both burned a fire all their own.
--> saying they are individual looks, but describing them the same?
6.) Gregor spat and huffed, running his (hand) over his thick hair
Hmmm... this isn't you. Sorry for the rating - please let me know when you have edited and I'll pop back over.
The rest was good and solid. I found myself following easily (except for the bikes) and enjoying myself.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Vette,
I started this chapter a little confused - I thought the last one I read was four, so I expected to pick right up with the train of thought. But this one revolved around the hes in the story. BUT the intro seemed to indicate I may have missed something in between? Idk.
Some notes:
1.) "A run, Dray." He tossed the (bottle) into the sink behind Andre.
2.) Andre didn't answer, only pulled f(a)rther ahead.
--> when it's distances, use 'farther'
3.) no signals for assault - the rabbit belonged to who(m)ever caught it.
4.) So, yeah, simply guiding his bike up the long driveway brought back
--> very confused about the positions of the bikes during all this. They had them, then they started running, now he has his again, and in a couple more paragraphs, he'll mention parking them - but when?
--> needs more clarity (imo)
5.) neck as the amber eyes of both burned a fire all their own.
--> saying they are individual looks, but describing them the same?
6.) Gregor spat and huffed, running his (hand) over his thick hair
Hmmm... this isn't you. Sorry for the rating - please let me know when you have edited and I'll pop back over.
The rest was good and solid. I found myself following easily (except for the bikes) and enjoying myself.
Thank you!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Robyn thanx for the catches.... but please note this one picks up after Chapter 3 (see the notes at the very beginning in purple/blue). This is chapter 5. The chapters have been alternating between his world and hers. The pair - Andre and Gregor - took bikes (motorcycles) out the the Estate at the end of Chapter 3 (it closed out with them on the road) -- they were headed there to go for a run. :)
Again, thanx for the catches, ma'am -- much appreciated, as always! ;) They are all corrected now... :)
Suppose, it's much easier to read a novel when it's all laid out and you can flip back and forth .... Only being able to write once a month does limit me and, if I ever published, I might make each chapter half and half (half her/half him), but for now, it is easier to immerse myself in one character per month and keep it strong rather than popping between... :) I'm less apt to leave out details I need later that way.... :) Thanx for everything! ;) Yvette
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Yeah, that's what I first thought - but I was thinking bikes. But see where he's walking it along...? Then all of a sudden they start running after the rabbit and nothing is said about what he did with that bike while they were running. Then at the end, he mentions they were parked. That seems out of order. Maybe it should come before the running? Just thinking out loud...
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Let me take a look at it again... oh, and I tried to nominate you, but they said I already nominated you this month.... imagine that, the one person i can count on to actually REVIEW something... sooo, thank you AGAIN, my lady.... will get back to you on this one...
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Okay.... take a look-see at it when you have a chance and see if the additions/alterations i made in that paragraph starting with "So, yeah..." helps the confusion.... Thanx my friend! So appreciated!! ;)
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Awesome!! Clear, concise and in perfect order. I mean order-of-events order.
That?s one of the Robyns rules I always preach. Haha
Thank you for your wonderful attitude. Big hugs?
(Oh. And thanks for BOTH noms- even the one that didn?t count. )
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No, THANK YOU for the help!! You rock... still would like to meet you in person sometime.. ;) :) Stay warm and dry this week - crazy weather!! ;) Yvette
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PLEASE don't think you are getting out of that. hahaha I am looking forward to it.
Maybe some of your genius and creativity will rub off on me! hahaha
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I don't know..... it could also be interpreted as something else like, perhaps, having a screw loose or some such, ya know?! Lol! ;) ;)
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Either way, I think this friendship will work.
Wouldn?t it be awful if we meet and find we don?t get along or like each other??
You have to promise to like me. *smile*. Warts and all.
Hmmm. Actually the warts are the best part...
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
This bit a little to much for me to read I understood your words well But Long poems and stories are a nightmare to me due to my stroke and now my vision is failing . I sure other read this with great interest.
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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This bit a little to much for me to read I understood your words well But Long poems and stories are a nightmare to me due to my stroke and now my vision is failing . I sure other read this with great interest.
Cookie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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I completely understand, Miss Cookie - these long ones are not for everyone! ;) Just the fact that you took the time to write this means the world to me -- thank you and have a wonderful week, ma'am!! ;) :) Take care! ;) Yvette
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Your very welcome i will do my best to read as many as I can.
Cookie
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Many thanks, Miss Cookie!! You just keep taking good care of you and that big, beautiful family of yours!! ;) Blessings for the week! ;) Yvette
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Thank you very much for those kind warm words. You stay safe and blessed.
Cookie
Comment from royowen
I like the way your stories are in the form of escape from human realty, to a nicely placed balance between...what are human traits of civilised and animalistic ones, one clashing with the other, as all flawed creatures are, one grasping for dominance over the other, but at the moment...separate, beautifully written Yvette, a very precious episode, blessings, Roy
Typo : Andre a strong(,) though
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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I like the way your stories are in the form of escape from human realty, to a nicely placed balance between...what are human traits of civilised and animalistic ones, one clashing with the other, as all flawed creatures are, one grasping for dominance over the other, but at the moment...separate, beautifully written Yvette, a very precious episode, blessings, Roy
Typo : Andre a strong(,) though
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Oh, Roy, they are definitely my ESCAPE!! ;) No parents, no students, no bills .... just fantasy!! ;) LOL! Thanx so much for your support, sir -- it means a lot! :) Take care down over there and enjoy the rest of the week! ;) Yvete
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Well done
Comment from Shirley McLain
Nice chapter and I enjoyed reading it. It was full of action which kept me reading wanting to find out what would happen next. I did not see anything to make suggestions on. Great job. Shirley
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Nice chapter and I enjoyed reading it. It was full of action which kept me reading wanting to find out what would happen next. I did not see anything to make suggestions on. Great job. Shirley
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Thanx so much for stopping by on this one, Shirley -- always good to hear from you! ;) Yvette
Comment from susand3022
Ahhhh... so this is what happened to that story! Okay, so now you're writing two novels, and poetry, the odd contest and then the third novel will come up. (Yup... I haven't forgotten that one... and I'm sure you wish I would! lol) The werewolf and the fairy, and he's supposed to get married? Next thing we'll find out, so is she! OMG... what's next? No more starting another new novel! LOL
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Ahhhh... so this is what happened to that story! Okay, so now you're writing two novels, and poetry, the odd contest and then the third novel will come up. (Yup... I haven't forgotten that one... and I'm sure you wish I would! lol) The werewolf and the fairy, and he's supposed to get married? Next thing we'll find out, so is she! OMG... what's next? No more starting another new novel! LOL
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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No, actually, I'd appreciate the 'nudging'... winter is the time that I tend to turn in on myself too much (and my students' parents don't help - ugh!) so, please, feel free NOT to forget... I need more sunshine down here! ;) ;) LOL! Working on the other one this week and then I should be back on track for next month (on a once a week schedule starting with the second week).... it's good for the OCD to 'see' the goal spelled out - helps us get through the lack of sunshine!! ;) Take care and thanx for the review!! ;) Yvette
