The Last Time
Charlie leaves and disappears.35 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is a sad story. Why shouldn't Charlie want a better life for herself? Why did those creeps at the bus station think they had the right to steal her future away? This happens all too often, and it's so sad. I'm sure girls like Charlie wished they could go back and collect the eggs again. Well done this is such a good contest entry, if it stopped one girl from getting on that bus, it would be amazing. Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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That is a sad story. Why shouldn't Charlie want a better life for herself? Why did those creeps at the bus station think they had the right to steal her future away? This happens all too often, and it's so sad. I'm sure girls like Charlie wished they could go back and collect the eggs again. Well done this is such a good contest entry, if it stopped one girl from getting on that bus, it would be amazing. Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Natalie Goodwin
This story has a suspenseful ending. You were able to create that suspense by making the readers care about Charlie and her goals. We are anxious to see her fulfill her dream, but then surprised when it turns out she's missing. Good work and best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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This story has a suspenseful ending. You were able to create that suspense by making the readers care about Charlie and her goals. We are anxious to see her fulfill her dream, but then surprised when it turns out she's missing. Good work and best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I suppose heading for New York without a job or a plan in place is not a good idea. I'm sure a lot of young girls have done it, tho. I can't imagine it works out most of the time. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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I suppose heading for New York without a job or a plan in place is not a good idea. I'm sure a lot of young girls have done it, tho. I can't imagine it works out most of the time. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
PenPal: great story and awareness of young girls leaving the farm land
to find their career in the big cities. Some dream big and find their way.
Others are captured by sexual preditors, sadly disappear to the darkness.
Stars for you ************* Hope you win the challenge. flylikeaneagle
(I pray for my daughters ) *****************
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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PenPal: great story and awareness of young girls leaving the farm land
to find their career in the big cities. Some dream big and find their way.
Others are captured by sexual preditors, sadly disappear to the darkness.
Stars for you ************* Hope you win the challenge. flylikeaneagle
(I pray for my daughters ) *****************
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thank you, fly.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Charlie writing prompt.
This well written story about Charlie going to New York has a sad ending.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Charlie writing prompt.
This well written story about Charlie going to New York has a sad ending.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from BethShelby
It is too bad that young naive girls with big dreams are prey for those willing to snatch away their dreams and do whatever suits their purpose. I hope this story was fiction but I'm sure it is all too true fore many girls who think their future dream lies somewhere other than home. Nicely written. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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It is too bad that young naive girls with big dreams are prey for those willing to snatch away their dreams and do whatever suits their purpose. I hope this story was fiction but I'm sure it is all too true fore many girls who think their future dream lies somewhere other than home. Nicely written. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thanks.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello mystery writer. This is a very well conceived and written short story. You did a great job of describing Charlie and what her life was like, and what she thought she wanted it to be. You built in a little "animosity for home" that a lot of people feel when they are getting the urge to leave and be on their own. Your story closes with a statement that you build up to in your narrative.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Hello mystery writer. This is a very well conceived and written short story. You did a great job of describing Charlie and what her life was like, and what she thought she wanted it to be. You built in a little "animosity for home" that a lot of people feel when they are getting the urge to leave and be on their own. Your story closes with a statement that you build up to in your narrative.
Good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thanks.
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You're welcome
Comment from evilynne
This was wonderful reading, well written. It leaves you wondering what happened, did Charlie find success? Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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This was wonderful reading, well written. It leaves you wondering what happened, did Charlie find success? Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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My leadup to her going to NYC makes it quite clear that she is unprepared and has no idea what the mean streets of NY are like. The predators got her quickly. She did not survive. Thanks for reading. Linda
Comment from zanya
A gripping tale with a distinctly universal resonance - the world and its multitude of predators awaits for young, hopefuls who may never even get close to their dreams
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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A gripping tale with a distinctly universal resonance - the world and its multitude of predators awaits for young, hopefuls who may never even get close to their dreams
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thank you for reading.
Comment from w.j.debi
Oh, what a sad story. I guess a farm girl going to the big city could find help of either the right kind or the wrong kind. Poor Charlie found the wrong kind. I guess it is best to have plans for getting off the bus as well as getting on.
Well told. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Oh, what a sad story. I guess a farm girl going to the big city could find help of either the right kind or the wrong kind. Poor Charlie found the wrong kind. I guess it is best to have plans for getting off the bus as well as getting on.
Well told. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thank you.
