Passage of Time
a series of haikus for the contest28 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
by hello, dragonpoet,
I like your series of haikus for the contest.
Passage of Time is a fine entry. Good syllable count. You paint concrete pictures with the haiku.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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by hello, dragonpoet,
I like your series of haikus for the contest.
Passage of Time is a fine entry. Good syllable count. You paint concrete pictures with the haiku.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the thorough but concise review. I appreaciate all the stars.
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Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
From dawn to dusk is portrayed very well in this collection of haiku poetry. The imagery is well placed with the metaphoric use of words.
Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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From dawn to dusk is portrayed very well in this collection of haiku poetry. The imagery is well placed with the metaphoric use of words.
Well done.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the kind encouraging words.
Joan
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
This is very wonderful piece of work you have here. I like the mix of grammar and style. However you may want to restructure your poetry piece taking into cognity, punctuation and our spellings. For instance, Bare branches brush sky Bare branches brush sky
coloring it the dusty mauve of breaking dawn, would be better when read as Bare branches brush the sky, coloring it dusty mauve of breaking dawn.
"In moments pallette changes, sunny azure bringing light to day." you may want to read through this paragraph and punctuate correctly so as to send across the true meaning to the readers.
In "Then darkness descentd as the canvas turns to black sending us to sleep," you may want to correct the spelling of "descentd." Apart from these points I made mention of, you indeed have a unique offering for the contest. Good-luck at that!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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This is very wonderful piece of work you have here. I like the mix of grammar and style. However you may want to restructure your poetry piece taking into cognity, punctuation and our spellings. For instance, Bare branches brush sky Bare branches brush sky
coloring it the dusty mauve of breaking dawn, would be better when read as Bare branches brush the sky, coloring it dusty mauve of breaking dawn.
"In moments pallette changes, sunny azure bringing light to day." you may want to read through this paragraph and punctuate correctly so as to send across the true meaning to the readers.
In "Then darkness descentd as the canvas turns to black sending us to sleep," you may want to correct the spelling of "descentd." Apart from these points I made mention of, you indeed have a unique offering for the contest. Good-luck at that!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the review and grammar edits. I didn't use punctuation because it is not usually used in haiku. Thanks for the good luck wishes.
dragonpoet
Comment from dovemarie
Dear dragonpoet, Your haikus depict well the passing of time from dawn to broad daylight to nighttime sleep. Your wording is expressive, I'm just not sure what the word in the last haiku is meant to be - "descends, descended?" good luck in the contest. Dove
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Dear dragonpoet, Your haikus depict well the passing of time from dawn to broad daylight to nighttime sleep. Your wording is expressive, I'm just not sure what the word in the last haiku is meant to be - "descends, descended?" good luck in the contest. Dove
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the review, the constructive criticism and the good
luck wishes, Dove.
Joan
Comment from Gideon300
Really nice imagery of the sun arching across the sky from dawn to dusk.
I could really envision it like when they fast forward a scene in a movie.
Good luck with your writing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Really nice imagery of the sun arching across the sky from dawn to dusk.
I could really envision it like when they fast forward a scene in a movie.
Good luck with your writing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you for your time. I appreciate the review and the high rating
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Comment from royowen
You paint a lovely scenic picture in this great entry in this haiku poetry contest Joan, one can capture the actual scene in one's mind while they read it, well dine, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : Moment(')s pallete.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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You paint a lovely scenic picture in this great entry in this haiku poetry contest Joan, one can capture the actual scene in one's mind while they read it, well dine, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : Moment(')s pallete.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Roy,
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I will make the edit.
Joan
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Well done
Comment from moongirlwriter
Very nice dragon poet. It wold have been really nice to have a sunset in your artwork. . .but of course, sometimes simplicity works well too. The very best of luck to you in the contest with this piece.
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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Very nice dragon poet. It wold have been really nice to have a sunset in your artwork. . .but of course, sometimes simplicity works well too. The very best of luck to you in the contest with this piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the review. I wasn't sure whether I wanted a sunrise or a sunset
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:)
Comment from Mia Twysted
Passage of Time is a piece that describes the day changing into night. Both have their own beauty that shines through as they change and take over the sky.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Passage of Time is a piece that describes the day changing into night. Both have their own beauty that shines through as they change and take over the sky.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thanks for reading and reviewing
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