Stars
Free verse11 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
I got a little lost at the reference to "Red Cab".
That apart, I reveled in your free association as you sat outside communing with the stars. Clever word play with the Big Dipper.
It's been a long time since I saw much of the stars, either because of light pollution or clouds. But I do remember a poolside party with the full moon directly overhead accompanied by Venus. It took my breath away.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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I got a little lost at the reference to "Red Cab".
That apart, I reveled in your free association as you sat outside communing with the stars. Clever word play with the Big Dipper.
It's been a long time since I saw much of the stars, either because of light pollution or clouds. But I do remember a poolside party with the full moon directly overhead accompanied by Venus. It took my breath away.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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I think the red cab might remind people too much of a taxicab, I need to find a different kind of red wine, lol. A nice chianti perhaps ;)
I have seen Venus with the moon too - wonderful!!
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Your autobiographical, free verse is quite evocative with its description of the night sky and your trying to chase away memories. Here's to sweeter dreams- Joan
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Your autobiographical, free verse is quite evocative with its description of the night sky and your trying to chase away memories. Here's to sweeter dreams- Joan
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you Joan, much appreciated :))
Carol
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Another striking free verse poem. I was taken immediately with the half rhyme of wine/Orion and the idea of blood/pulse being like the wine. I had to look up Red Cab since I couldn't remember what was called that. I am guessing red Cabernet wine, not being certain as a teetotaler. I liked this imagery: bottle clenched in knotty fingers,
drained finally
as cold currents run miles
around the yard.
Interesting personification or wine, or effects of wine, and the 'c' alliteration there with clenched, cold, currents.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Another striking free verse poem. I was taken immediately with the half rhyme of wine/Orion and the idea of blood/pulse being like the wine. I had to look up Red Cab since I couldn't remember what was called that. I am guessing red Cabernet wine, not being certain as a teetotaler. I liked this imagery: bottle clenched in knotty fingers,
drained finally
as cold currents run miles
around the yard.
Interesting personification or wine, or effects of wine, and the 'c' alliteration there with clenched, cold, currents.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate your thoughts and you caught on to what I was trying to do with the wine (yes, Cabernet, a staple in California). Thanks again :))
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Yes, old souls need to sleep or they spend far too much time lost in the past or wondering where to go, don't they...? Another beautiful offering in that wonderful 'Carol Can Touch Your Soul' style of yours, my lady! :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Yes, old souls need to sleep or they spend far too much time lost in the past or wondering where to go, don't they...? Another beautiful offering in that wonderful 'Carol Can Touch Your Soul' style of yours, my lady! :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you Yvette, I've been kind of depressed lately, and this is the result. I can't write happy poems anyway, lol :))
Carol
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
This deep black night,
these blistering stars,
these memories crowding in.
My favorite lines and I have to say this free verse is excellently worded using unique descriptive words . I love it
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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This deep black night,
these blistering stars,
these memories crowding in.
My favorite lines and I have to say this free verse is excellently worded using unique descriptive words . I love it
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate that you like these lines :))
Carol
Comment from Ulla
Carol, it's a wonderful free verse poem and your observation of the dawning day is astute. But then again, due to your work you are often awake at those early hours. I really liked it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Carol, it's a wonderful free verse poem and your observation of the dawning day is astute. But then again, due to your work you are often awake at those early hours. I really liked it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thank you Ulla, yes I keep weird hours. Some day when I retire, I wonder if I will still be awake at night?
Carol
Comment from rama devi
Powerful, unique and rich in imagery. Memorable write! Impressive free verse voicing and style, though I did stumble on flow for quite a few lines (read notes below). Lots of fine poetic devices like alliteration, etc. The tone and tenor of the theme resonate in each stanza.
FAVORITE LINES:
A flash of falling star could be
the streak of a long life
down the horizon.
The Big Dipper's angle spills water
and I'm not sure
my argument against the swift
strange progress of life
will hold up either.
NOTES:
*
Peace comes late into
this settling night,
the fading pulse of day
this red spill of wine;
Orion.
And this is quite poignant:
one thing real,
next to these stars,
bottle clenched in knotty fingers,
drained finally
as cold currents run miles
around the yard.
Awkward punctuation choices in the above. Suggestions:
Peace comes late into
this settling night,
the fading pulse of day--
this red spill of wine:
Orion.
*other spag:
I remember skies awash with stars.
t(T)here are fewer here,
N(n)ear urban glow, but still,
*
The Big Dipper's angle spills water(,)
and I'm not sure
*
Toss the bottle(,) now,(;)
the night's young but old souls
need to sleep.
Strong closing note!
Awesome work.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Powerful, unique and rich in imagery. Memorable write! Impressive free verse voicing and style, though I did stumble on flow for quite a few lines (read notes below). Lots of fine poetic devices like alliteration, etc. The tone and tenor of the theme resonate in each stanza.
FAVORITE LINES:
A flash of falling star could be
the streak of a long life
down the horizon.
The Big Dipper's angle spills water
and I'm not sure
my argument against the swift
strange progress of life
will hold up either.
NOTES:
*
Peace comes late into
this settling night,
the fading pulse of day
this red spill of wine;
Orion.
And this is quite poignant:
one thing real,
next to these stars,
bottle clenched in knotty fingers,
drained finally
as cold currents run miles
around the yard.
Awkward punctuation choices in the above. Suggestions:
Peace comes late into
this settling night,
the fading pulse of day--
this red spill of wine:
Orion.
*other spag:
I remember skies awash with stars.
t(T)here are fewer here,
N(n)ear urban glow, but still,
*
The Big Dipper's angle spills water(,)
and I'm not sure
*
Toss the bottle(,) now,(;)
the night's young but old souls
need to sleep.
Strong closing note!
Awesome work.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you, I know this poem needed work with punctuation, it is so hard to know how to do it sometimes (for me). That's (in part) why I appreciate you! Thank you so, so much. I will work on the changes you suggest,
love
Carol
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Thanks for your gracious reply, dear Carol. Happy to help!
Love,
rd
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing this poem. I would take advantage of the presentation tools on this site. You can add an illustration, increase the font size, change the background color, etc. These things are especially useful for contests, but they create a nice portfolio even for regular works and give the talented artists at FanArtReview some exposure.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you for sharing this poem. I would take advantage of the presentation tools on this site. You can add an illustration, increase the font size, change the background color, etc. These things are especially useful for contests, but they create a nice portfolio even for regular works and give the talented artists at FanArtReview some exposure.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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You are right, I should have done more with the presentation. I got kind of in a rush to post it so I could move on with a new poem.
Carol
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
Ciliverde, you are a free-verse poet and I recognize much of what you write in myself. This looking at the stars and wondering...I do that often. I start questioning things that happen, write about it, and try to find answers.
A very well-written poem. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Ciliverde, you are a free-verse poet and I recognize much of what you write in myself. This looking at the stars and wondering...I do that often. I start questioning things that happen, write about it, and try to find answers.
A very well-written poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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I must take a look at your work as well! In fact, I just took the time to read your flash non-fiction. Thank you so much :))
Carol
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Carol, thank you for your interest. Look under my portfolio, there are also the other LITTLE STORIES that I posted so far.
Comment from w.j.debi
This is a great tribute to the night sky and the enjoyment we get looking up at the stars and contemplating their beauty.
I like looking at the stars. I almost bought a telescope once, but with all the light pollution, which just keeps getting worse, I decided I'd have to drive too far to make it worth it.
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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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This is a great tribute to the night sky and the enjoyment we get looking up at the stars and contemplating their beauty.
I like looking at the stars. I almost bought a telescope once, but with all the light pollution, which just keeps getting worse, I decided I'd have to drive too far to make it worth it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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I love being in places where it's just the night and the stars - hard to get that in southern California!
Carol
