Walking a Dark Mare in Daylight
A nightmare within a dream10 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Henry. Your story is very well written and it is a frightening narrative of how dreams can intersect with reality. After reading your author notes, I fully understand the context.
The merging of your two dreams into the story is very effective. Great story and well told.
robert
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Hello Henry. Your story is very well written and it is a frightening narrative of how dreams can intersect with reality. After reading your author notes, I fully understand the context.
The merging of your two dreams into the story is very effective. Great story and well told.
robert
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story Robert. Your comments are right on. Your stars are awesome. I was surprised at the number of people who had similar dreams or nightmares.
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You're welcome
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(:
Comment from estory
What I liked about this was that you hid the fact that it was a dream until the very end. You really had us going, with good detailed descriptions, realistic dialogue, the tensions of that approaching whirlwind of dust that turns out to be drug cartel soldiers coming for your wife and kids, and it articulates these subconscious fears of not being able to protect them. We really feel the frustration there. I liked how you wrote the wake up scene, very realistic. Overall, a great surreal experience with some Freudian undertones. estory
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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What I liked about this was that you hid the fact that it was a dream until the very end. You really had us going, with good detailed descriptions, realistic dialogue, the tensions of that approaching whirlwind of dust that turns out to be drug cartel soldiers coming for your wife and kids, and it articulates these subconscious fears of not being able to protect them. We really feel the frustration there. I liked how you wrote the wake up scene, very realistic. Overall, a great surreal experience with some Freudian undertones. estory
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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estory, thank you very much for reading and commenting on my story. I enjoyed your comments, they are enlightening. Your stars are awesome.
Comment from susand3022
Henry, she's probably just telling you to turn over and stop snoring so she can finally get some sleep. I love a sonorous man... and I've got me one! He, however, does not necessarily love a sonorous woman, but he's got one anyhow! LOL, and a spare room down the hall when I get too sonorous for him! LOL :)
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Henry, she's probably just telling you to turn over and stop snoring so she can finally get some sleep. I love a sonorous man... and I've got me one! He, however, does not necessarily love a sonorous woman, but he's got one anyhow! LOL, and a spare room down the hall when I get too sonorous for him! LOL :)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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susand, what delightful and humorous comments. What woke her was my grunting, leg and arm moving. She's the one who snored, but not loud enough to wake me. All I had to do to stop her snoring was to hold her. I learned over time, to wake myself sometimes, when I recognized I couldn't reach them, because I was dreaming. Thank you for the awesome stars.
Comment from country ranch writer
Many have recurring after serving their country .they fear the are failing their family by not able to protect them fro harm in dreams.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Many have recurring after serving their country .they fear the are failing their family by not able to protect them fro harm in dreams.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. I appreciate your comment. And thank you for your wonderful stars.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Chilling and a great read. I did not find any mistakes but I read fast as it pulled me in. Very nicely done. And I just put on one from my loss of the Vietnam 'war' and I want to tell you thank you for being there
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Chilling and a great read. I did not find any mistakes but I read fast as it pulled me in. Very nicely done. And I just put on one from my loss of the Vietnam 'war' and I want to tell you thank you for being there
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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You are welcome Barb and I weep with you for your loss in that terrible war. Your comments always brighten my day. Thank you for your stars.
Comment from Tami Urbanek
Very interesting turn of events! Great descriptions and the ending really had some good emotion. My only suggestion is to work on dialogue to make it sound more natural. Sometimes reading it out loud helps.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Very interesting turn of events! Great descriptions and the ending really had some good emotion. My only suggestion is to work on dialogue to make it sound more natural. Sometimes reading it out loud helps.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Thank you for reading my story Tami. Your insightful comments will be considered seriously. Thank you for your wonderful stars.
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! You had me going there. I thought I was reading a story that starting not to make sense and now I realize it was a nightmare. It is a lot like nightmares I have had where it seems so real and we awaken to realize we were dreaming but it leaves us feeling weak and shaken. Mine usually involve high places where I'm on a tall latter with rungs that keep disappearing. I also am often with my husband who is dead. You describe your dream well. I hate nights like that.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Wow! You had me going there. I thought I was reading a story that starting not to make sense and now I realize it was a nightmare. It is a lot like nightmares I have had where it seems so real and we awaken to realize we were dreaming but it leaves us feeling weak and shaken. Mine usually involve high places where I'm on a tall latter with rungs that keep disappearing. I also am often with my husband who is dead. You describe your dream well. I hate nights like that.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Ygads Beth, I have had the same dream about ladders. I wondered, how was I going to get down? Thank you very much for your comments and those awesome stars.
Comment from Gideon300
I've always been a vivid dreamer. A lot of them have come true, but I've only given them a nodding thought throughout my life.
Recently I've had a couple of the recurring nightmares. I had them before but they were getting more frequent. I know some of it was stress related. But I decided my subconscious was trying to tell me something.
Honestly, though for your situation I don't know how I would cope if I'd been in something as awful as a war.
Anyway, recently I took a dream interpretation class online. A beginner one for less than 12 bucks. I said what the heck. If it was balony it only cost me the price of a sandwich.
I was surprised that it was helpful. It told me some basic information. Like was I dreaming it in black and white or color. What it meant if the light in the dream was dim or bright. And some other useful things.
Funny the nightmares as I sort of pieced together a basic message.
Well regardless of all that, I did like your story. And you do have a talent for writing. I hope all is well with you.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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I've always been a vivid dreamer. A lot of them have come true, but I've only given them a nodding thought throughout my life.
Recently I've had a couple of the recurring nightmares. I had them before but they were getting more frequent. I know some of it was stress related. But I decided my subconscious was trying to tell me something.
Honestly, though for your situation I don't know how I would cope if I'd been in something as awful as a war.
Anyway, recently I took a dream interpretation class online. A beginner one for less than 12 bucks. I said what the heck. If it was balony it only cost me the price of a sandwich.
I was surprised that it was helpful. It told me some basic information. Like was I dreaming it in black and white or color. What it meant if the light in the dream was dim or bright. And some other useful things.
Funny the nightmares as I sort of pieced together a basic message.
Well regardless of all that, I did like your story. And you do have a talent for writing. I hope all is well with you.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Gideon, thank you very much for reading my story. My wife and I went to a seminar about dreams many years ago. And, as you said it was enlightening. I dream in color and in three languages. Thank you for your wonderful stars.
Comment from royowen
Aren't those dreams amazing Henry, they obviously stem from your Vietnam days, something suppressed perhaps, you need a Joseph or a Daniel to interpret, we've had a dream reader at our church from time to time, not that I was particularly impressed at the time. Beautifully written Henry, your wife may be watching over you. There are some things inexplicable. Beautifully written my friend, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : she see(')s me.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Aren't those dreams amazing Henry, they obviously stem from your Vietnam days, something suppressed perhaps, you need a Joseph or a Daniel to interpret, we've had a dream reader at our church from time to time, not that I was particularly impressed at the time. Beautifully written Henry, your wife may be watching over you. There are some things inexplicable. Beautifully written my friend, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : she see(')s me.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much Roy. Your comments and corrections are helpful. Your stars are awesome.
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Bless you Henry.
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Thank you.
Comment from JP Writer
This is a well-paced story with plenty of tension that held my interest. The double twist at the end worked well. There were some grammar and punctuation errors you might want to clean up. Also, you might want to flesh out the characters a bit more, describing your wife and sons in an organic way, as the action unfolds. For instance, some dialog as
They drove to the park, their expressions and physical appearance would put more flesh on the story. Good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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This is a well-paced story with plenty of tension that held my interest. The double twist at the end worked well. There were some grammar and punctuation errors you might want to clean up. Also, you might want to flesh out the characters a bit more, describing your wife and sons in an organic way, as the action unfolds. For instance, some dialog as
They drove to the park, their expressions and physical appearance would put more flesh on the story. Good luck!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Thank you Jayne for taking the time to read my story. Your comments will be seriously considered.
