Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

This was an emotional chapter from Charles POV hoping to be able to help Helen's road to recovery. Well written Tony letting the reader feel the emotions without telling them. Great write,
cheers.
valda

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Thanks, Valda. Glad to hear the emotions came across OK. Great feedback! Thanks, too, for the sixth star. Appreciated, as always. All the best, Tony

Comment from Bill Pinder

Excellent

Another good chapter in your interesting book about the capture of the Lion. Sounds like Helen needs some extended time for healing, and Charles will have to wait and see how things go. I like the believable interaction between the characters. Bill

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Thanks, Bill. Glad to hear the interaction between characters came across OK. Great feedback! Appreciated, as always. All the best, Tony

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I love how you interweave plants and wildlife into your prose adding to the mood of the characters. I guess Charles is sad at the thought that his relationship with Helen could be over?

Some comments:
"I'm not sure about that, Charles. They may want to be alone." (Is this Bisto talking? A dialogue tag may help.)
Minaxi's speech is so fluid that I have trouble distinguishing her speech from Charles or Bisto. Maybe add a little odd sentence structure? For example, could some from that remote place know idioms like "chin-wagging?" And would she really call her mother "mum?" Maybe use her first language or "mother?" People who studied English as a foreign language often have remnants of stilted textbook dialogue. Unless Minaxi has access to the internet...

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020

I've now main substantial changes to Minaxi's speech patterns, simplifying the vocabulary, sticking to the present tense, and removing idioms. If you have time to glance over it again, I'd appreciate any further feedback. All the best, Tony

reply by lyenochka on 17-Feb-2020

Great job with the changes. Using partial phrases is great and the inconsistent tense is just write for a non-native speaker!

reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Very many thanks for your help, Helen. I'd be awarding you a thumb if I hadn't already used up this month's supply!

Comment from damommy

Excellent

I had to laugh at the thought of eating goat trotters. If he only knew. 'The empty chair was like a missing tooth in a smiling face.' Good line!

Is Charles going back to England and leave Helen there? Or will he stay until she recovers? I'll just have to wait and see.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Thanks, Yvonne. Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Probably only another one or two to come.

Comment from Sylvia Page

Excellent

this is not the closing chapter, right? Do I smell more adventure? Nicely written. Helen does not seem too happy to be in the company of Charles and is keeping away.
She will come around in good time.
Best wishes
Sylvia

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Thanks, Sylvia. Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Another one or two chapters to come. A few loose ends still to tie up.

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Well, Tony, that was such a bittersweet chapter. All the merriment at the lunch table is overshadowed by Charles' sorrow. This doesn't look promising at all, and I'm beginning to wonder if Kayla is the one pulling the strings. Well I'll have to wait and see. Great writing. Ulla :)))

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Very many thanks for your review and the sixth star, Ulla. Much appreciated, as always. Tony

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Exceptional

We still aren't sure what happened to Helen, but do know she wants nothing to do with Charles. I'm not sure I understand that. I would think he could help her heal. I will wait and find and out where you take this.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020

Very many thanks for your review and the sixth star, Barbara. Much appreciated, as always. Maybe Helen needs a bit more time to recover after her traumatic time with the ISIS militants. For the moment, she appears to be more willing to accept help from her sister. Tony

Comment from Mistydawn

Excellent

Poor guy after all that he's been through he doesn't get the girl in the end. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, believable. Your dialogue seems natural and your characters really come to life.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020

Thanks, Dawn. He may have lost her temporarily, but I'll be leaving the door open for a possible future reunion. All the best, Tony

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

Nice, easy, chapter to read. It had a smooth flow with appropriate dialogue and excellent characters. You did a great job as always. Is this the last chapter? Shirley

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020

Thanks for your supportive comments, Shirley. Still one or two chapters to come. There are a few loose ends that need tidying up. All the best, Tony.

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

I sense a winding down, but the question of Charles and Helen still remains open. The withdrawn attitude shown by Helen is really well drawn here. Confronted with it the reader is forced into introspection -- how would I react?

Get it wrong and you could lose her forever -- if she hasn't already decided to stay with her sister.

The empty chair was like a gap in a smiling face. Is the word tooth missing here?

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020

When I wrote it, it seemed obvious, but you are right a missing tooth in a smiling face is clearer. Thanks for that. I?ve changed it.
Thanks, too, for the sixth star.