Comment from Teri7

Excellent

Portia, This is a very well written haiku poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from the art work. I wish you well in the contest. love and blessings,Teri

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020

Teri,

Thanks so much for you review and very kind comments, they are greatly appreciated.

Hugs...Portia

Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

Hello Portia!
A well-executed haiku! Syllabic count is fine (newer as opposed to traditional), seasonal, first two lines connect grammatically, and there is a satori = groundbreaking.
If I were to make any suggestion at all it would be to add a ~ after hailstones to introduce the satori and allow the reader to pause before said satori.

Best Wishes!
diane

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 Comment Written 13-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020

Diane,

Thanks so much for your review, very kind comments and suggestion, I will add the ~....
Blessings my friend.

Portia

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Perfect haiku form - as I have been learning it - I'm no expert. But you have the thunderstorm (kigo) and the last line has a double entendre (groundbreaking!) and your first two lines make a complete picture! Best wishes in the contest!!

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 Comment Written 13-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020

Helen,

Thanks so much for your review, comments and best wishes. Portia