Intersections
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Missed Calls"Stories of people at crossroads of their lives...
15 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
You have done a sensational job with this story. It really sound a lot like the life of a working mother. The phone is always ringing and everyone is demanding your attention. It would be so easy to ignore the one that you figure can wait. What a horror story and the sad thing is, it sounds too readl.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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You have done a sensational job with this story. It really sound a lot like the life of a working mother. The phone is always ringing and everyone is demanding your attention. It would be so easy to ignore the one that you figure can wait. What a horror story and the sad thing is, it sounds too readl.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks so much again for all your encouraging comments, your support, and most of all, for enjoying the story, or being moved by it. estory
Comment from Sallyo
too make sure
to make sure
Pretty well impeccable apart from the tiny typo above. I suspected what was going to happen, and I expect you meant us to... we think there will always be time for this, that or the other... and William obviously had a history of wanting attention. Very well played.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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too make sure
to make sure
Pretty well impeccable apart from the tiny typo above. I suspected what was going to happen, and I expect you meant us to... we think there will always be time for this, that or the other... and William obviously had a history of wanting attention. Very well played.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the excellent review and for your encouraging comments that validated the construction and lay out of the story. it is in a very different style than most of my other pieces. I'm glad to hear it worked. estory
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This reminds me of Easterners on the phone and the way they say what everyone else said, in really a run-on fashion, so good job on style. I would only suggest one thing: a little bit more preparation on the possible mental state of the son. I think just the fact that he always leaves a message isn't quite enough for the surprise twist of events. Maybe, even a dismissal: he calls me when he is feeling depressed, but he has to learn to find a new outlet once in a while. Just a thought. Or mention an anti-depression medication.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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This reminds me of Easterners on the phone and the way they say what everyone else said, in really a run-on fashion, so good job on style. I would only suggest one thing: a little bit more preparation on the possible mental state of the son. I think just the fact that he always leaves a message isn't quite enough for the surprise twist of events. Maybe, even a dismissal: he calls me when he is feeling depressed, but he has to learn to find a new outlet once in a while. Just a thought. Or mention an anti-depression medication.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the excellent review and your interesting comments and suggestions. From the reviews, I gather that the sense of the mother being pulled apart by all these competing parts of her life came across, but not the mental illness of the son. I wanted something of a shock effect at the end, and kept much of him from view, but I think maybe I should expand on that character a bit and try to get some more sympathy for him. I will think about it. estory
Comment from Fonda Little
My favorite part was, "I called Ed and let him know that Tom called me. He wanted to know what Tom said and I told him what Tom said. He told me I should get an order of protection. So when I got off the phone with Ed I called my sister in New York and told her that Ed said I should get an order of protection. She asked me why and I told her that Tom was still calling me and she asked me how many times a day Tom was calling me and I told her at least a couple of times of day. So she told me maybe I should get an order of protection.". Because of how much action displayed in this part and throughout the story as well! I was thinking this beforehand I read the author notes about how you wanted to show the stream of consciousness in the narrator and I think you hit the nail on the head and succeeded!
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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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My favorite part was, "I called Ed and let him know that Tom called me. He wanted to know what Tom said and I told him what Tom said. He told me I should get an order of protection. So when I got off the phone with Ed I called my sister in New York and told her that Ed said I should get an order of protection. She asked me why and I told her that Tom was still calling me and she asked me how many times a day Tom was calling me and I told her at least a couple of times of day. So she told me maybe I should get an order of protection.". Because of how much action displayed in this part and throughout the story as well! I was thinking this beforehand I read the author notes about how you wanted to show the stream of consciousness in the narrator and I think you hit the nail on the head and succeeded!
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Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for the specific things you really liked about the story; it's always helpful to know what worked. I am glad that this dense, intense sense of emotion, this whirlwind sense of the mother's life being pulled apart seems to have gotten across. So appreciative of your continued support. There will be two much more religious pieces coming up in this collection if you want to watch for them: U-Turn, and An American Pioneer. estory
Comment from susand3022
You know, Estory, I remember feeling quite the same way when I was a kid, and I had a two-parent household. I also had two sisters and a little brother. This kid wasn't even a kid anymore. He was in college for heaven's sake. (Although I say that, I can't really think that... my son is in college and he's still a kid in the emotional sense) It's hard being the only one to look after the kids when you've got to do it all. Something's got to give. Usually, if it's not your personal life, it's your kids. Sometimes it's both depending on what you can make at your job.
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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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You know, Estory, I remember feeling quite the same way when I was a kid, and I had a two-parent household. I also had two sisters and a little brother. This kid wasn't even a kid anymore. He was in college for heaven's sake. (Although I say that, I can't really think that... my son is in college and he's still a kid in the emotional sense) It's hard being the only one to look after the kids when you've got to do it all. Something's got to give. Usually, if it's not your personal life, it's your kids. Sometimes it's both depending on what you can make at your job.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your interesting comments and perspective on the story. I think you got exactly what I was trying to get across here; the sinister force of technology pulling our lives into pieces, and the tragedy of the dysfunctional family. Overall, from the other reviews, I gather the first element of the mother being pulled apart came across a little better than the sympathy I wanted to create for the ignored son. I will think on it and possibly expand his character a little more in a future rewrite. we'll see. Thanks for the comments and all the support. estory
