Comment from gingermo

Excellent

I find your writing unusual, poetic, romantic and subtlety sexy. I myself an a down to earth person when it comes to relationships so I can appreciate your romantic nature which comes through in your writing. At times I was overwhelmed by the sheer expression of feeling. Soul mates do exist and I hope Angel is yours. I found the abrupt introduction of Your wife Rachel and the fact Angel had a husband rather disconcerting. Perhaps they were mentioned in another chapter. The intervening poetry is effective in that it deepens the emotions and breaks up the prose.

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020

Dear Ginger,

Thanks for your devoted attention to my work.

At times I was overwhelmed by the sheer expression of feeling. >> This is encouraging for me.

Soul mates do exist and I hope Angel is yours. >> Indeed, as the next chapter will make clear.

I found the abrupt introduction of Your wife Rachel and the fact Angel had a husband rather disconcerting.>> And well it should be. Yet, life has its unusual twists. My Angel, as you understand from the letters, has been visiting my family and even taking my daughter alone to her grandma's birthday party. I love the part where, on the way home, my daughter is singing a song of one leg to the other.

Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron

Comment from Ricky1024

Excellent

"Magic Spells to @ from Neuchatel"
This read well and was rather lengthy but we'll written.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020

Oh, Dr. Ricky, thanks for your time and attention. Here is an issue that I need your help with:

Should I stop this chapter here:

My Angel has passed the point of no return. She writes, "I became totally open and unafraid of the love I have for you. . . . Once again my body quivers as it thinks of you returning." Oh, yes! Come to me, my faithful Angel, my burning comet, my gift of God!

Or, should I keep my reflections on Drucula and Minah just where they are???

Peace in writing,
Aaron

PS: Please send me the internet address as soon as you post your love story.

Comment from Suzanna Ray

Exceptional

Dear author, This post takes the reader, vicariously, though every emotion, through every fantasy that your protagonist experience!
Thank you for the warning that this would be a long read, because it was! . . .But worth every moment.
I am amazed that you could imagine, much less continue to express such high levels of passion through this epic. That alone deserves the six stars I have awarded you!

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020

Dear Suzanna,

I my admit to you that I was discouraged. Why so? This chapter was too long. No one would be willing to read it. I'm just not able to take our personal story and make it an engaging story.

Your review renewed my hope! There are tears in my eyes now. I am more than I can say attached to this woman (my Angel) and attached to our story. When you say "It was worth every moment," I become a believer again.

One last issue haunts me. Should I stop this chapter here:

My Angel has passed the point of no return. She writes, "I became totally open and unafraid of the love I have for you. . . . Once again my body quivers as it thinks of you returning." Oh, yes! Come to me, my faithful Angel, my burning comet, my gift of God!

Or, should I keep my reflections on Drucula and Minah just where they are??? What do you say?

Very, very gratefully,
Aaron

Comment from Eve Vasa

Good

Hello, nice to meet you at FS. I do think this is quite a unique work, and for that you are to be commended. However, I found it too long and lost interest. I wonder what you are trying to achieve with this piece of writing, as I can't see it being of any value outside of FS. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I can see how it would be a cathartic story to write for you personally, but as far as prose goes, it is not a work I would recommend.

I can see that it is part of a bigger body of work, so I am giving it the benefit of the doubt and allocating a four, but as far as my personal interest goes, it would rank no higher than three.

As a professional writer, I don't think this would work for any of my contacts in the business were I to send it to them. I think you should sit down and work out a story arc, or a plot of some kind, as it doesn't seem to have these essential elements. I appreciate that you are a Christian and I love that particular scripture at the end. But stories need to have a goal, complications, etc. You can have too much saccharin sweet love, and this fitted that category for me, in spite of having a vampire, and I do love a good vampire movie or story. Still, writing is very subjective, so perhaps it will resonate with another reviewer. Cheers, Eve.

(I would also suggest that you do an edit for what I call 'fluff and stuff'. Words that aren't necessary to a sentence and do nothing but weigh it down, reducing the impact of the writing.

Thanks for sharing your work, and have a great day.

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2020

Dear Eve,

Thanks for your time and attention. I value your professional judgment.

You say: I think you should sit down and work out a story arc, or a plot of some kind, as it doesn't seem to have these essential elements.

This is an autobiographical narrative. The letters in this chapter were written and sent thirty years ago. I cut out many of them and trimmed others. The ones that remain display a growing intimacy and an expanding set of mutual expectations. The next chapter will opens with a crisis event just prior to my return.

Here is the overall schema:

Ch1 Innocent Beginnings
Ch2 Her Father Returns to Embrace his Daughter
Ch3 The Dark Hole Left by my Lost Mother
Ch4 Magic Spells to and from Neuchâtel
Ch5 Distressing News
Postscript: Anticipating our Future Salvation

How can I retain the integrity of my autobiography and follow your advice to introduce goals, complications, plot? It did occur to me that you gave me this advice because you assumed it was a fictional narrative. In any case, I await your reply.

Warmly,
Aaron

reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020

Dear Eve,

If you did misjudge my narrative because you had assumed that it was a work of fiction, would it not be proper to void your 4-star rating?

Given your experience, I have added these words prior to my text:


[Note to my dear reader: This chapter explores how the mutual interplay between me and my Angel grows through our letter writing. If you have not met me and my Beloved in Ch2 or Ch3, it will be difficult to understand how our mutual grief forged a tenuous bond that united us in a common purpose. The letters exchanged here consolidate this common purpose and slowly set ablase a burning love that makes us confident that we will heal each other in yet more dramatic ways in the future. You, the reader, get to watch this unfold by reading the private correspondance of two would-be romantic lovers. I would estimate that 15-20 minutes would be required to read and absorb this autobiographical narrative.]

Sincerely,
Aaron