Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Truths!"Experiences of living
240 total reviews
Comment from words
You do adhere to your self-proclaimed syllable count. So that is good.
You punctuation combined with the odd syntax completely obscures the meaning of this verse.
Unfortunately, the author's notes written in a similar style did not clarify this for me.
The last line:What a joy hide! Makes no sense.
I am giving you a 4 for keeping to your form ... you lose the star for not making your meaning clear.
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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You do adhere to your self-proclaimed syllable count. So that is good.
You punctuation combined with the odd syntax completely obscures the meaning of this verse.
Unfortunately, the author's notes written in a similar style did not clarify this for me.
The last line:What a joy hide! Makes no sense.
I am giving you a 4 for keeping to your form ... you lose the star for not making your meaning clear.
Hugs, d
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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thanks for trying to read and review my works
i am sure you never read replies from authors
time and again i requested you not to review my works but i do not understand what makes you to review my works
i repeat your review makes me sick
last time i request you please stop reviewing my works
hope you would leave my works and positively stop reviewing my works henceforth
Comment from Mai Mai
This is an interesting piece. It has a nice duality, but despite the duality I feel a strong political air. Good work and good luck.
Mai Mai
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This is an interesting piece. It has a nice duality, but despite the duality I feel a strong political air. Good work and good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Treischel
Here we have a Tanka formatted 5-7-5-7-7 poem that speaks to truth and lies. You lay out how a lie is easier and truth often too hard. Certainly expresses the human condition. Many liars in the world, some lost to their own truth. Thoughtful. Compelling!
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Here we have a Tanka formatted 5-7-5-7-7 poem that speaks to truth and lies. You lay out how a lie is easier and truth often too hard. Certainly expresses the human condition. Many liars in the world, some lost to their own truth. Thoughtful. Compelling!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Tina McKala
I don't like it when lines end with the same word - "truths" in your case.
the exclamations in the second line interrupt the flow and I'm not sure if on the best place possible.(I don't mind the exclamation at the very end, it fits there)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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I don't like it when lines end with the same word - "truths" in your case.
the exclamations in the second line interrupt the flow and I'm not sure if on the best place possible.(I don't mind the exclamation at the very end, it fits there)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello Alcreator Litt Dear. Suppression of truths known only to God is the greatest gift of free-will. I enjoyed your use of self-pride and the rhyming scheme behind ride and hide. The joy in writing our own rules sometimes against our own majesty's principles of high. Good luck and cheers.
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Hello Alcreator Litt Dear. Suppression of truths known only to God is the greatest gift of free-will. I enjoyed your use of self-pride and the rhyming scheme behind ride and hide. The joy in writing our own rules sometimes against our own majesty's principles of high. Good luck and cheers.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from October21
Ah............. I very much agree.................... Lying is a HUGE no no, and yes, people do it mostly for self-pride, not wanting to admit that they did something wrong and seem like a bad person. So true. Good poem!
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Ah............. I very much agree.................... Lying is a HUGE no no, and yes, people do it mostly for self-pride, not wanting to admit that they did something wrong and seem like a bad person. So true. Good poem!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from misscookie
Yourartwork is awesome
And your poem was very interesting to read.
This is what I call a food for thought poem...Meaning after you read it you go Hmm
Thank you for sharing.
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Yourartwork is awesome
And your poem was very interesting to read.
This is what I call a food for thought poem...Meaning after you read it you go Hmm
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Nebukadneser
You, my friend are brilliant and a wise tease. This is so true that sometimes it is so easy to tell a white lie to make things easier for the person who receives the lie and the person telling the lie. You handled this in a lying style in this poem of yours which is a classic.
Well done
you rock, my man
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
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You, my friend are brilliant and a wise tease. This is so true that sometimes it is so easy to tell a white lie to make things easier for the person who receives the lie and the person telling the lie. You handled this in a lying style in this poem of yours which is a classic.
Well done
you rock, my man
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from Sanku
your poem hides the word 'trues'-but can we use 'trues'.truth could have beenn better .any way its a good hit at liars.joy hide or joy ride ?joy hide is an interesting word though
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your poem hides the word 'trues'-but can we use 'trues'.truth could have beenn better .any way its a good hit at liars.joy hide or joy ride ?joy hide is an interesting word though
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
Comment from FREEFEE
Its about lying. What could you be if you could live by your lie. What lies could you feel. How far would you get if you lied your way there.What could you be if your lies new no limits. You could be super man if you actually lied to yourself convincingly enough. No foundries. Its all in you mind how you present you image to big wall street thugs. You could lie about the forged info you just read on last night alpha rhythms by a brilliant man and pass them off as you own. You could make a world for yourself out of your lies if your really good. Lying not recommended.
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Its about lying. What could you be if you could live by your lie. What lies could you feel. How far would you get if you lied your way there.What could you be if your lies new no limits. You could be super man if you actually lied to yourself convincingly enough. No foundries. Its all in you mind how you present you image to big wall street thugs. You could lie about the forged info you just read on last night alpha rhythms by a brilliant man and pass them off as you own. You could make a world for yourself out of your lies if your really good. Lying not recommended.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2013
