A Book of ... Freeverse (Vol.2)
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Golden Orb"Metre ... Freeverse
14 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
You put the answer to the Sphinx's riddle in a clever poetic form. Looks like you pass her test and get to live a longer life. Nice job reminding us of the ancient myth and how delicate life is balancing on solving and giving a correct answer to a riddle.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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You put the answer to the Sphinx's riddle in a clever poetic form. Looks like you pass her test and get to live a longer life. Nice job reminding us of the ancient myth and how delicate life is balancing on solving and giving a correct answer to a riddle.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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classic stuff enjoy ...
Comment from Mia Twysted
Having never heard the word "sanguine" I had to look it up. From what I gather you wake and walk through your life all the while knowing it will one day end. and when that time comes you feel a sense of the positive as it all comes to and end.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Having never heard the word "sanguine" I had to look it up. From what I gather you wake and walk through your life all the while knowing it will one day end. and when that time comes you feel a sense of the positive as it all comes to and end.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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I suppose the idea of any life is to feel some sort of satisfaction with it so as in old age they can live relatively contently the sanguine sacrifice is the understanding that all that has been done has been all for a greater cause which i suppose is really essentialy love inits deepest meaning and the sacrifice is that now its come to an end it will rest.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Your free verse covers it all, from birth to end of life mirth. A little too much rhyming for me, for a free verse but it is interesting read.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Your free verse covers it all, from birth to end of life mirth. A little too much rhyming for me, for a free verse but it is interesting read.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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well there aint no rule stating it cant but im glad you enjoyed it the only poetic form that strictly should not rhyme is actually BLANK VERSE and that has to be done in iambic pentameter which is quite a challenge.
Comment from Cindy Decker
I really like this poem. An outstanding line is : his life proves his riddle's mirth. Though your view of the Son may differ from mine, I loved the comparison and play on words. For me the sanguine sacrifice signifies power, not defeat. But that's what poetry is; a reflection of a person's innermost feelings. I also love the imagery of your poem.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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I really like this poem. An outstanding line is : his life proves his riddle's mirth. Though your view of the Son may differ from mine, I loved the comparison and play on words. For me the sanguine sacrifice signifies power, not defeat. But that's what poetry is; a reflection of a person's innermost feelings. I also love the imagery of your poem.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Well your true and so long as it spoke to you his sanguine sacrifice being the SUN is his definitive terminate ... that is the encapsulation of time ... no one escapes time as it conquers all things.
The poem really is about the SUN and whatever is made of the play on the Son is purely a manipulation of the idea however it is a good manipulation ... The sun represents the strength of life which man has three stages of in this life from birth middle age to old age, the sun is his representative when he was born ... his witness ... and to the sun he does obedience because it is the master of his days such is the sphinx's riddle ... and in the end the sun is truly his sanguine sacrifice it is the blood red covering that was his day dawning and now his day ending such is the poem.
Comment from juliaSjames
Nice adaptation of the old riddle. The sun of the human spirit continues to shine throughout the vicissitudes of life. We have to cherish that golden orb.
A unique piece of writing.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Nice adaptation of the old riddle. The sun of the human spirit continues to shine throughout the vicissitudes of life. We have to cherish that golden orb.
A unique piece of writing.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Excellent glad you enjoyed this piece you captured the idea of its perspective well and though we grow old we must plant our seeds on the journey ... all delivered in time ...
Comment from karenina
I enjoyed the interplay between the original riddle of the Sphinx and your poetic license to turn "man" or "son" to "sun." The light of life and spirit can certainly be connected to the ability of a man to move throughout his habitat and have discourse with others. I often wonder about the mirth of the riddle-- Is it because it is so obvious we discard the import of the greater meaning? Hmmmm. You seem to be hinting that!--Karenina
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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I enjoyed the interplay between the original riddle of the Sphinx and your poetic license to turn "man" or "son" to "sun." The light of life and spirit can certainly be connected to the ability of a man to move throughout his habitat and have discourse with others. I often wonder about the mirth of the riddle-- Is it because it is so obvious we discard the import of the greater meaning? Hmmmm. You seem to be hinting that!--Karenina
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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well all good things must come to an end and man is no different in a strange sense he was born to die ... he can actually die many times in his life and be reborn like the phoenix again and again ... this one is about the reality of his journey and the three stages of his events such is the strength of his sun that carries him ....
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I have strongly relied on "rebirth" in my own life and so I definitely agree with you!--Karenina
Comment from A. Willow Bends
Very well done. Fits extremely well into the free verse theme of Gold in a most unique and creative manner. The line: A man deliberates upright strong on two . . . is perhaps my favorite line, but the rhythm threw me off a bit there. Being free verse, I still truly believe this merits 5 stars. I love the overall bit.
Wendy
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Very well done. Fits extremely well into the free verse theme of Gold in a most unique and creative manner. The line: A man deliberates upright strong on two . . . is perhaps my favorite line, but the rhythm threw me off a bit there. Being free verse, I still truly believe this merits 5 stars. I love the overall bit.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Excellent much appreciate the honesty as free verse it does not have to rhyme but in my writing I tend to use slant rhyme which gives it a bit more of a melodical run through.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Good morning, Sunshine! :) This is such a beautiful offering - love the rhythm and scattered end rhymes throughout.... but then I scrolled down to write my review and noticed it was supposed to be free verse. Okay, now I am definitely NOT a trained poet and I'm far down the learning curve when it comes to the nuances and technicalities of all the different forms, but I thought free verse was as defined: verse free of rhyme or rhythm or structure.... and this one has just about all of that? Anyway, I would venture say that this was more of a mixed verse offering as it has rhyming throughout but no scheme (even though rhymes are there!) and there is a blending of some 'free' lines in there... :)
Whatever its designation, it is an awesome and thought-provoking offering and would be 'excellent' under a different designation...? But PLEASE save it 'cuz it is very well-written! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Good morning, Sunshine! :) This is such a beautiful offering - love the rhythm and scattered end rhymes throughout.... but then I scrolled down to write my review and noticed it was supposed to be free verse. Okay, now I am definitely NOT a trained poet and I'm far down the learning curve when it comes to the nuances and technicalities of all the different forms, but I thought free verse was as defined: verse free of rhyme or rhythm or structure.... and this one has just about all of that? Anyway, I would venture say that this was more of a mixed verse offering as it has rhyming throughout but no scheme (even though rhymes are there!) and there is a blending of some 'free' lines in there... :)
Whatever its designation, it is an awesome and thought-provoking offering and would be 'excellent' under a different designation...? But PLEASE save it 'cuz it is very well-written! :) Yvette
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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well first this is a bit more mellow kind of free verse that im used to I ve reorganised it so it aint disguised as anything and changed the last hanging line ... technically free verse works best when you use a metaphor such as the golden orb in the title then use the explanation to give the weight of the poem with a concluding exclamation or question normally the expression of the voice is given through the manipulation of the line using as much expressive word use as possible to shorten the route to the meaning ... thats the way I see it thanks for the appraisal glad you enjoyed it and it got me writing again which is the main thing oh and as for the rhyme it doesn't have a rhyme scheme though rhyme can be used such as any kind throughout to enhance the melody of it.
Comment from patcelaw
I find your work is very thought provoking. Being of the female gender and reading the point of view of the male, is sometimes hard for me. Have a blessed weekend.
Patricia
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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I find your work is very thought provoking. Being of the female gender and reading the point of view of the male, is sometimes hard for me. Have a blessed weekend.
Patricia
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Excellent ... it is good to learn from other s perspectives though we are not always persuaded to believe nor follow them in it however I also love reading the different genders and something I found enjoyable and highly amusing was reading some homoerotic material from a poet who used to be on here it was fantastic he was a good poet but with such a different perspective I found it highly hilarious and also enjoyable ...
Comment from Pantygynt
This is, of course, the ancient riddle of the Sphinx, with a meaning beyond the original applied to mankind. As such it is a clever piece of poetry, but free verse it cannot be, not with the wealth of end rhyme applied here. it might be said to have a certain freedom of form but there is just too much end rhyme to qualify it as free verse.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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This is, of course, the ancient riddle of the Sphinx, with a meaning beyond the original applied to mankind. As such it is a clever piece of poetry, but free verse it cannot be, not with the wealth of end rhyme applied here. it might be said to have a certain freedom of form but there is just too much end rhyme to qualify it as free verse.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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nope free verse can have rhyme anytime and as much as you like what it does have to work with is a metaphor and understanding a conclusion of exclamation or questioning and in my opinion this is classic free-verse bicpen way.
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I think our definitions of free verse are at loggerheads.
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well so be it Id love to here your ideas ... you could pm so we can have a talk id love to know what you think.
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Certainly. I will PM you shortly. A bit busy getting a new book off the stocks at the moment.
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anytime ...
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... are you telling me that you believe because a free-verse has rhyme that it dissects its free form of liberty and detracts from the realm that it is ... Id like to hear what school of learning teaches this ... blank verse has no rhyme but thats different in that it is metres and iambic in its nature free verse in my understanding is about the expression and emphasis that it portrays to its subject that normally being the metaphor that it uses ... would you consider this argument to be false and untrue ... yea or nay ???
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No I am not saying that. I used the term 'overwhelmed' an you seem to be equating that with 'has'. Also it is end rhyme that should be the defining factor, cross and internal rhyme has always been permitted but, as with the other devices it should not overwhelm.
Free verse is almost by definition subject to subjective judgement so there are bound to be differences of opinion amongst scholars.
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... well hold on a minute ... I only count two words that happen to be end rhyme the rest is internal or slant rhyme ... are you then saying because it has end rhyme this is a determining factor ... that it is therefore being overwhelmed ... albeit by two words ... ???
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... subjective judgement is about the understanding ... were trying to clarify our two stances on what we think is free-verse so as we can have a clearer understanding in our discussions as to our judgement on them subjective or otherwise ...
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You dont give me your definition of what you think free verse is you agree that free verse is at liberty but you say that because mine rhymes that it is a slave to this poetic device and in your opinion the slave now has a master that it has to obey ...
... my free-verse is not built around the rhyme in other words the construction is free and at liberty ... the rhyme is a natural emphasis used to deliver its voice and also I use the line break to express the emphasis on each of the phrasing also ... with just these two ideas of thought we can improve our writing ...
... are we to then say that if a free verse uses repetition which is a poetic device that it also becomes a slave and that it is mastered by a restriction ...
If this is your parenthesis of your statement and your understanding is true to this then at its extreme edge of mastery we could state that it has become a slave to the very words it is using and therefore in purity we should only have a blank page ...
... I say this in it extremity ...
My definition is as follows: Free-verse is a form of expression, which is best exhibited by using the metaphor to bring understanding and conclude with the question or exclamation.
note: That may seem like it has to conform but it really is just a way to develop a good expression of free verse which does not conform or become a slave to the concept that is expression being developed. The metaphor is an image of something else the understanding is the narrative and the question or the exclamation is the observation ... In this way the coherent culmination of a poem at liberty to go and do what it pleases can then have an understanding ... this does not in any way confine restrict nor detract engaging a slave mentality. It is just an understanding of what you will see when you read free-verse.
Bic.
