The Pitches
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "From the Ashes -- Pallas"Backgound to support Pez and Pallas
10 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow-- this was well done, IMHO. I hate dropping in on a book because I am lost as to plot and so on, so have little I can offer of any value as a reviewer. That said, however, I think I might have one thing to say, maybe two, that you will find helpful.
First, narrative IS important -- FanStory (and some members) is somewhat obsessive about "showing", not "telling", if you ask me, and this is only one, small part of a whole chapter, I'm quite sure. (Most chapters in a novel take at least 300 or 400 words, and they are VERY scarce. Usually they're more like 2,000 or 3,000 or more.)
Secondly, any good story always NEEDS narrative -- the example I will use from FanStory is one of my favorite writers here. If you have not read any of her novels, I highly recommend them, even if it isn't a genre you usually read. She's brilliant, and ALL her novels contain narrative -- Margaret Snowdon. She has several historical romance books in print.
Another FS author who writes a fair bit of narrative (and whom I greatly admire) is Patrick Cox. His "Limehouse Boys" reads like a Dickens novel. (Sadly, though, he's no longer on FanStory, but his books have been published and well-received. The "Harry Heron" adventures might be to your taste, as well as the previously-mentioned one. He's written and published nonfiction too.)
I haven't read any of the rest of this book (I have far too much on my plate to follow another novel right now) but if this is any example, I think it must be a fine story you are writing. Excellent!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Wow-- this was well done, IMHO. I hate dropping in on a book because I am lost as to plot and so on, so have little I can offer of any value as a reviewer. That said, however, I think I might have one thing to say, maybe two, that you will find helpful.
First, narrative IS important -- FanStory (and some members) is somewhat obsessive about "showing", not "telling", if you ask me, and this is only one, small part of a whole chapter, I'm quite sure. (Most chapters in a novel take at least 300 or 400 words, and they are VERY scarce. Usually they're more like 2,000 or 3,000 or more.)
Secondly, any good story always NEEDS narrative -- the example I will use from FanStory is one of my favorite writers here. If you have not read any of her novels, I highly recommend them, even if it isn't a genre you usually read. She's brilliant, and ALL her novels contain narrative -- Margaret Snowdon. She has several historical romance books in print.
Another FS author who writes a fair bit of narrative (and whom I greatly admire) is Patrick Cox. His "Limehouse Boys" reads like a Dickens novel. (Sadly, though, he's no longer on FanStory, but his books have been published and well-received. The "Harry Heron" adventures might be to your taste, as well as the previously-mentioned one. He's written and published nonfiction too.)
I haven't read any of the rest of this book (I have far too much on my plate to follow another novel right now) but if this is any example, I think it must be a fine story you are writing. Excellent!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Dawn, for the terrific review and reading suggestions. Bill
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You're most welcome.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Bill. There is nothing wrong with narration in my humble opinion. You have a story. You told a story and it was solid. The ending a little obscure as though there are many avenues left to trail. Isn't that the real point of story telling? To leave your reader hanging just a bit so more can be told. I liked it. Good luck.
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Hi Bill. There is nothing wrong with narration in my humble opinion. You have a story. You told a story and it was solid. The ending a little obscure as though there are many avenues left to trail. Isn't that the real point of story telling? To leave your reader hanging just a bit so more can be told. I liked it. Good luck.
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Kiwi. The previous chapters were dialogue driven, so the whole chapter being narrated was made it seem more like a short story.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, I totally understand what you're saying. Twenty years is a lot of time and can hardly be done in any other way. I'm soon facing the same thing in my book when I have to make a leap of five years. I think you've done well and I read it with great interest. I'm looking out for more. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Hi Bill, I totally understand what you're saying. Twenty years is a lot of time and can hardly be done in any other way. I'm soon facing the same thing in my book when I have to make a leap of five years. I think you've done well and I read it with great interest. I'm looking out for more. Ulla:))
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thanks, Ulla
Comment from Mistydawn
This chapter sure put everything in the fast forward mode. Sometimes real life seems to be like that, just zips right by. Your chapter is well-written, interesting. I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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This chapter sure put everything in the fast forward mode. Sometimes real life seems to be like that, just zips right by. Your chapter is well-written, interesting. I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Now that I?ve brought Pez and Pallas up to present day, I?ll likely revert to script formatting.
Comment from susand3022
You know, Bill, sometimes you just need a little backstory. You're forgiven totally for the lack of 'speakers' in your story tonight. It will be all the more enjoyable when the 'action' continues later on. :)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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You know, Bill, sometimes you just need a little backstory. You're forgiven totally for the lack of 'speakers' in your story tonight. It will be all the more enjoyable when the 'action' continues later on. :)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Susan
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, I didn't know that Pallas was so rich! Does Zeb know about all the funds? His father won't be missed but at least, he left his sons something, I guess. Now the scripts and how Pez knows so much becomes so much clearer!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Oh, I didn't know that Pallas was so rich! Does Zeb know about all the funds? His father won't be missed but at least, he left his sons something, I guess. Now the scripts and how Pez knows so much becomes so much clearer!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thanks, lyenochka. So glad we got there.
Comment from nomi338
Must be nice to so well taken care of even if it was with ill gotten gains. Hey, it is what it is. Many of today's rich men inherited fortunes made from murder, theft, gambling a,you name it. The father of our thirty fifth president was a boot leggier after all. I just saying.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Must be nice to so well taken care of even if it was with ill gotten gains. Hey, it is what it is. Many of today's rich men inherited fortunes made from murder, theft, gambling a,you name it. The father of our thirty fifth president was a boot leggier after all. I just saying.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Trump?s dad left him a couple bucks too.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Bill, I had no trouble following this chapter, even if you did not assign quotations to each character as they spoke.
The best thing you have done in the chapter is hook the reader into wondering if innocence little Pallas is going to remain an eagle scout, of turn to the "Dark side"!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Dear Bill, I had no trouble following this chapter, even if you did not assign quotations to each character as they spoke.
The best thing you have done in the chapter is hook the reader into wondering if innocence little Pallas is going to remain an eagle scout, of turn to the "Dark side"!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Suzanna, for the excellent review. There was n9 dialogue so no quotation marks were necessary.
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Will look forward to your next post
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Okay, wow - so thanks for al the background on Pez giving us a 'new' way to look at him.... :) It's okay on the 'sole narration' thing this time - LOL! ;) :) Yvette
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Okay, wow - so thanks for al the background on Pez giving us a 'new' way to look at him.... :) It's okay on the 'sole narration' thing this time - LOL! ;) :) Yvette
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Yvette. This will bring the story to an end.
Comment from royowen
A very complex and comprehensive plot you've written here here. I like your characters, they seem to have a negative ancestry, and it seems to me, if just one decides to break that cycle, it would an exponentially large change to the descendants, perhaps Pallas will break the mould, well done Bill, fascinating story, blessings, Roy
Typo : Ensured(.) (H)e never left...
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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A very complex and comprehensive plot you've written here here. I like your characters, they seem to have a negative ancestry, and it seems to me, if just one decides to break that cycle, it would an exponentially large change to the descendants, perhaps Pallas will break the mould, well done Bill, fascinating story, blessings, Roy
Typo : Ensured(.) (H)e never left...
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the excellent review, Roy. Those really are two separate sentences. I see how they could be misinterpreted.
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Just trying to do my job Bill, sorry I annoyed you.
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Sorry if I seemed annoyed, Roy. I should probably fix those sentences to make the meaning clear. Your help is always appreciated.
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Bless you Bill.
