Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Wonder!"Experiences of living
132 total reviews
Comment from WhisperingTruth
"I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution
Open heart, look at
If write simply, you jeer at
If hard or complex, point at"
Trying to satisfy 'everyone, everywhere, always' is an enormous task that you are undertaking. It is certainly not one I will try.
I see this being symbolic of many areas of life...not just writing. Be careful, Alcreator, some people are not worth satisfying.
~Katelyn
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"I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution
Open heart, look at
If write simply, you jeer at
If hard or complex, point at"
Trying to satisfy 'everyone, everywhere, always' is an enormous task that you are undertaking. It is certainly not one I will try.
I see this being symbolic of many areas of life...not just writing. Be careful, Alcreator, some people are not worth satisfying.
~Katelyn
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from thedarkhorse
This is a nice and most creative writting that you have and I haven't seen this type too often up here is ths a new kind of writing style it's interesting.
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This is a nice and most creative writting that you have and I haven't seen this type too often up here is ths a new kind of writing style it's interesting.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from Hetty
Hi Alcreator,
I like this one too, although I dont think it is quite as strong as the tanka before it.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you (too,) caution
Open heart, look at
If write simply, you jeer at - try "written simply, you jeer at"
If hard or complex, point at (this line feels a bit unfinished for the poem. Perhaps instead, sum up poem on this line? Something like "please by chance, but be yourself" or something like that?
Hope this helps. If you revise, let me know and I will revise grading.
Hetty
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Hi Alcreator,
I like this one too, although I dont think it is quite as strong as the tanka before it.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you (too,) caution
Open heart, look at
If write simply, you jeer at - try "written simply, you jeer at"
If hard or complex, point at (this line feels a bit unfinished for the poem. Perhaps instead, sum up poem on this line? Something like "please by chance, but be yourself" or something like that?
Hope this helps. If you revise, let me know and I will revise grading.
Hetty
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from Georgina Lenty
You can't please everyone all the time without sacrificing part of yourself along the way. At least, that's what I've learned through experience. I like the way you kept the message simple, yet not losing any of its "punch". Well done!
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You can't please everyone all the time without sacrificing part of yourself along the way. At least, that's what I've learned through experience. I like the way you kept the message simple, yet not losing any of its "punch". Well done!
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from nora arjuna
This is one of the many short poems of yours that I was able to review as I know what you're talking about. I think it's just beyond my capabilites to grab what's behind very short poems of yours though I'm sure, they're all great.
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This is one of the many short poems of yours that I was able to review as I know what you're talking about. I think it's just beyond my capabilites to grab what's behind very short poems of yours though I'm sure, they're all great.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from juliecaldwell
Very good structure. You make a very clear statement with your work. Can't please everyone. It makes me wonder as well. NIce background color, it fits really well.
Julie
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Very good structure. You make a very clear statement with your work. Can't please everyone. It makes me wonder as well. NIce background color, it fits really well.
Julie
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from ElaineMorgan
Fabulous! I love the structure of the Tanka, and you've created a stark poem with great feeling in this short space.
Poems are meant to evoke feeling in the reader, or to force the reader to think past the bounds of his mind, and this piece does that.
Wonderful, unique, original.
Elaine
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Fabulous! I love the structure of the Tanka, and you've created a stark poem with great feeling in this short space.
Poems are meant to evoke feeling in the reader, or to force the reader to think past the bounds of his mind, and this piece does that.
Wonderful, unique, original.
Elaine
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from cupa tea
This one didn't have the same flow as the other one I read. I understand it well enough. I just don't think its as good as that first one. I have no suggestions to make it better. I struggle with this type of poetry. As a writer I perfer to just write stories.
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This one didn't have the same flow as the other one I read. I understand it well enough. I just don't think its as good as that first one. I have no suggestions to make it better. I struggle with this type of poetry. As a writer I perfer to just write stories.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from Josipher32
I could read your poetry all day long, you have such a nice variety to your poems. Not too much of the same thing. You mix it up and keep it interesting. I like that.
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I could read your poetry all day long, you have such a nice variety to your poems. Not too much of the same thing. You mix it up and keep it interesting. I like that.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
Comment from larwana
I found this poem difficult to understand.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution
The opening lines didn't seem to describe wonder, but something that inhibits wonder. But the last three lines, definately told the tale of wonder more clearly.
Overall, enjoyable read.
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I found this poem difficult to understand.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution
The opening lines didn't seem to describe wonder, but something that inhibits wonder. But the last three lines, definately told the tale of wonder more clearly.
Overall, enjoyable read.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
