Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Wonder!"Experiences of living
132 total reviews
Comment from nancybear
This is the positive and negative point of view. You have to decide whether you look at life positively or negatively. I prefer positively. You managed to say a lot with just a few words. I like that.
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This is the positive and negative point of view. You have to decide whether you look at life positively or negatively. I prefer positively. You managed to say a lot with just a few words. I like that.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Kyrielle
Hi, Alcreator, Message is loud and clear. We just can't please everyone, or this might be just one "someone." Sometimes, I feel like hiding what I write as I used to do when I first began to write. But, hell, we will never get rid of critics, and they are hard to please. Have to take what comes.
I felt your tanka didn't flow all that well. Word count can make us stultify some words.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution (suggest: I go faster, you caution)
Open heart, you look at (liked this one)
If write simply, you jeer at (I write simply, you jeer at)
If hard or complex, point at (excellent last line)
(changes can make this flow better and bring out the personal "I" better. Kay :)
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Hi, Alcreator, Message is loud and clear. We just can't please everyone, or this might be just one "someone." Sometimes, I feel like hiding what I write as I used to do when I first began to write. But, hell, we will never get rid of critics, and they are hard to please. Have to take what comes.
I felt your tanka didn't flow all that well. Word count can make us stultify some words.
I advance, you warn
If faster, you too caution (suggest: I go faster, you caution)
Open heart, you look at (liked this one)
If write simply, you jeer at (I write simply, you jeer at)
If hard or complex, point at (excellent last line)
(changes can make this flow better and bring out the personal "I" better. Kay :)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Bryana
This is so true! You can never please everybody.
That's ok, not everything pleases me either.
You sure said a lot in your little poem. It reminded me
of what happens when I write. I smile at what people say
and go on. I find this is to be best approach.
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This is so true! You can never please everybody.
That's ok, not everything pleases me either.
You sure said a lot in your little poem. It reminded me
of what happens when I write. I smile at what people say
and go on. I find this is to be best approach.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from chelsmor
Isn't that just the truth. No matter what. Somedays it is disheartening, other days it's just funny. Because there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
There's always a critic:)
Thanks for the smile.
Best wishes, Chelsmor
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Isn't that just the truth. No matter what. Somedays it is disheartening, other days it's just funny. Because there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
There's always a critic:)
Thanks for the smile.
Best wishes, Chelsmor
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Alcreator Critic .... Well, unfortunately, I have to point out that whilst you have your syllable count listed above - 5-7-5-7-7- the second of what should be a 5 syllable line is, in fact, 6 syllables ..... O-pen heart you look at (6).
In your notes below you say that whatever you do, there is always someone to
point ... and I presume you mean .... to point at you. Yes, sadly that is true but, if it is writing you are referring to, work at it so that they do not have anything about which to point a finger at you. I think that these Tanka and other such pieces of writing are very difficult to review and they are so short that, from a writer's point of view, there is not much scope for putting out a good message.
With love from ........ Nanette Mary.
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Hullo Alcreator Critic .... Well, unfortunately, I have to point out that whilst you have your syllable count listed above - 5-7-5-7-7- the second of what should be a 5 syllable line is, in fact, 6 syllables ..... O-pen heart you look at (6).
In your notes below you say that whatever you do, there is always someone to
point ... and I presume you mean .... to point at you. Yes, sadly that is true but, if it is writing you are referring to, work at it so that they do not have anything about which to point a finger at you. I think that these Tanka and other such pieces of writing are very difficult to review and they are so short that, from a writer's point of view, there is not much scope for putting out a good message.
With love from ........ Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Jamarah
Ok, Alcreator Critic. First off it made me smile in its childlike simplicity.... then it made me think of how my ex used to react when scrutinising my work... then I started thinking about other ex's... then my parents... and then my teachers... and and and and. Then I started thinking that that is what this must all be about.... then I started liking it.
JAM
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Ok, Alcreator Critic. First off it made me smile in its childlike simplicity.... then it made me think of how my ex used to react when scrutinising my work... then I started thinking about other ex's... then my parents... and then my teachers... and and and and. Then I started thinking that that is what this must all be about.... then I started liking it.
JAM
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from 96744mom
Good form of work. I'm not a fan of Tanka poetry, probably becuase I have'nt given it a try. It looks simple and fun to work with. As you mentioned in your notes, perhaps they are true. Thank you for sharing.
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Good form of work. I'm not a fan of Tanka poetry, probably becuase I have'nt given it a try. It looks simple and fun to work with. As you mentioned in your notes, perhaps they are true. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Brantley88
This is much better. Your message is delivered well, and with clarity. If I were to change anything, and I can't, I would change the word "too" in the second line, to "also". Nice write.
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This is much better. Your message is delivered well, and with clarity. If I were to change anything, and I can't, I would change the word "too" in the second line, to "also". Nice write.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
You have done well with this tanka I love the shorter forms of poetry as they are challenging simplicity at is best regards Fuller
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You have done well with this tanka I love the shorter forms of poetry as they are challenging simplicity at is best regards Fuller
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from MelMil
I like the sentiment of this poem. I found it did not flow in parts - do you mean caution or cautious? Also I think 'I write simply', would be better than 'If write simply'. I actually like the simplistic nature of the poem but feel it needs some fine tuning to work properly.
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I like the sentiment of this poem. I found it did not flow in parts - do you mean caution or cautious? Also I think 'I write simply', would be better than 'If write simply'. I actually like the simplistic nature of the poem but feel it needs some fine tuning to work properly.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
