The Book of Retirement
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Duck the buck"Short story about a fictive retirement
10 total reviews
Comment from Susan Larson
This is a funny dialogue entry and I can just hear the bantering back and forth. Being retired, we have more and more conversations about what to do with "all our money." There are quite a few spags that need attention: 50 000 needs comma, life tyle, Oil and Gas doesn't need caps, "will make you a deal if I win the lottery I will pay off your debt." is a run-on, other places could use commas.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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This is a funny dialogue entry and I can just hear the bantering back and forth. Being retired, we have more and more conversations about what to do with "all our money." There are quite a few spags that need attention: 50 000 needs comma, life tyle, Oil and Gas doesn't need caps, "will make you a deal if I win the lottery I will pay off your debt." is a run-on, other places could use commas.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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Thank you and so sorry for my delay. I really appreciate your grammar corrections:)you are the best. thank you:X:x
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I understand
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Iza. This a very fun story to read. I like the dialogue about the money and where it went so fast. You have a line that made me laugh out loud. "We are familyyyyy..._ I got all my kitties with me!" This is great, from the Pointer Sisters way back in the 70's. You made it funny.
"I am going to go kamikaze on you!" The only thing wrong with that attack is you both get hit.
I enjoyed reading and good luck in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Hey Iza. This a very fun story to read. I like the dialogue about the money and where it went so fast. You have a line that made me laugh out loud. "We are familyyyyy..._ I got all my kitties with me!" This is great, from the Pointer Sisters way back in the 70's. You made it funny.
"I am going to go kamikaze on you!" The only thing wrong with that attack is you both get hit.
I enjoyed reading and good luck in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review
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You are so welcome. Z
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow Iza. Thank you for sharing your Dialogue with us, I think you executed well within the rules of the contest. Good job and good luck in the contest. Have a great day!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Hello fellow Iza. Thank you for sharing your Dialogue with us, I think you executed well within the rules of the contest. Good job and good luck in the contest. Have a great day!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review this silly entry:) I wish you a wonderful day as well.
Comment from Barbaraj1
An excellent story. But you do have errors to be corrected.
Don't give me that look you know......Don't give me that look. You know
I come here in 2009.............. I came here in 2009
10...................spell it out ten
life style.............................lifestyle
But I payed................................paid
and he start walking.................and he starts walking.
There are more commas to be added.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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An excellent story. But you do have errors to be corrected.
Don't give me that look you know......Don't give me that look. You know
I come here in 2009.............. I came here in 2009
10...................spell it out ten
life style.............................lifestyle
But I payed................................paid
and he start walking.................and he starts walking.
There are more commas to be added.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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First of all thank you so much for the grammar corrections, Enlgish is my third language and I quite I am not the master in this story:) Second it's an honor to be read and reviewed by you:) Thank you
Comment from estory
I think you did a great job with this. I think the counterpoint of the dialogue really digs into the husband and wife trying to create their own space in the relationship, and influence each other in the process. Lots of relationship psychology going on here, subtly, beneath the surface. I liked how you voiced all this emotion in these voices too; we really feel what each of these two is going through in this moment. The whole thing is rife with tension. estory
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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I think you did a great job with this. I think the counterpoint of the dialogue really digs into the husband and wife trying to create their own space in the relationship, and influence each other in the process. Lots of relationship psychology going on here, subtly, beneath the surface. I liked how you voiced all this emotion in these voices too; we really feel what each of these two is going through in this moment. The whole thing is rife with tension. estory
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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I am glad you capture that:) thank you for your very subtle review:)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Dialogue Only Writing contest.
This story of making plans for retirement is well told with the dialogue.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Dialogue Only Writing contest.
This story of making plans for retirement is well told with the dialogue.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much Sharon:)
Comment from royowen
Well done with this Iza, I like the fact you found your way all through this and came to the finish with your dialogue intact, you deserve to do well, you are a marvel with English as your third language, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : And he start(ed) walking by himself.2 would you (let) me behind...leave?
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Well done with this Iza, I like the fact you found your way all through this and came to the finish with your dialogue intact, you deserve to do well, you are a marvel with English as your third language, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : And he start(ed) walking by himself.2 would you (let) me behind...leave?
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much Mr. Roy for the review and also for the grammar correction:)
Comment from Ricky1024
Is a Dialogue Only Writing Prompt Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Is a Dialogue Only Writing Prompt Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Thank you Mr. Ricky
Comment from padumachitta
Hello
A fun entry for the dialogue only contest.
SPAG: laid off not lay(I think)
You hit the humor mark for sure.
Good luck in the contest
Diologue is not easy
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hello
A fun entry for the dialogue only contest.
SPAG: laid off not lay(I think)
You hit the humor mark for sure.
Good luck in the contest
Diologue is not easy
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review and for correcting the error:) You are the best. If you want to have some fun today and also get some points and cents, if you like, you can check the rest of the chapters from the book of retirement:)
Comment from susand3022
Hi Iza,
This is cute, I wish I could retire at 55, but here I am... at 55 and recovering... almost recovered from crap, after a year and a half! Having been supported by my parents... at 55! YUK! How deplorable! So I'll soon be looking for a job besides trying to get my dad's taxes figured out, which is finally done for 2018. Finally... thank Goodness!!!
I found a couple of spags... nothing major...
...when I was (laid) off...
...but the (plane) tickets...
...every (paycheck)...
A really cute story :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hi Iza,
This is cute, I wish I could retire at 55, but here I am... at 55 and recovering... almost recovered from crap, after a year and a half! Having been supported by my parents... at 55! YUK! How deplorable! So I'll soon be looking for a job besides trying to get my dad's taxes figured out, which is finally done for 2018. Finally... thank Goodness!!!
I found a couple of spags... nothing major...
...when I was (laid) off...
...but the (plane) tickets...
...every (paycheck)...
A really cute story :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review and for correcting the errors:) You are the best. If you want to have some fun today and also get some points and cents, if you like, you can check the rest of the chapters from the book of retirement:) And I know the feeling I moved to Canada and I had to start from zero.
