The Book of Retirement
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Her retirement"Short story about a fictive retirement
12 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written written story about retirement that seems to never come. I worked about twenty five years of my life. I was forced to retire when my left leg had to be amputated and I enjoy being busy at home. At the moment I take care of my youngest grandson during the day that keeps me quite busy.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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A very well-written written story about retirement that seems to never come. I worked about twenty five years of my life. I was forced to retire when my left leg had to be amputated and I enjoy being busy at home. At the moment I take care of my youngest grandson during the day that keeps me quite busy.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2020
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Having a young child in your life is quite rewarding to watch him grow and witness all the funny moments from his life:) You are so lucky
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You have a very distinctive style of writing that is catchy and pleasant to read. The short stories are a good format.
SPAGs
I need a total of
Holy macaroni
Cancer signs
meantime (I think - I speak UK English)
in oblivion
I don't know about?
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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You have a very distinctive style of writing that is catchy and pleasant to read. The short stories are a good format.
SPAGs
I need a total of
Holy macaroni
Cancer signs
meantime (I think - I speak UK English)
in oblivion
I don't know about?
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and the grammar corrections.
Comment from Rikki66
I've won two contest and placed second in two more, got enough moola to get the wife a dress and new shoes. Still waiting to sell that story or book that aid my retirement. I'm not turning blue. Best of luck to you.
RikkiLXXIII
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I've won two contest and placed second in two more, got enough moola to get the wife a dress and new shoes. Still waiting to sell that story or book that aid my retirement. I'm not turning blue. Best of luck to you.
RikkiLXXIII
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much Mr. Rikki
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Most welcome
Rikki
Comment from Barbaraj1
This is an amusing story. LOL. My husband told me when I could retire. I was lucky. Only a couple of years. Just some corrections:
a comma after retire
a comma after for sure
You don't need the ellipsis after family
a comma after thanks
the grave it. You don't need the word it.
comma after Yeah
You use ellipses a lot. Not necessary.
Mean time is one word.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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This is an amusing story. LOL. My husband told me when I could retire. I was lucky. Only a couple of years. Just some corrections:
a comma after retire
a comma after for sure
You don't need the ellipsis after family
a comma after thanks
the grave it. You don't need the word it.
comma after Yeah
You use ellipses a lot. Not necessary.
Mean time is one word.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Tank you so much for your feedback and grammar corrections:)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a funny piece on waiting for retirement.
Sometimes it seems the only option IS to win the lottery.
And for most of us that is not going to happen.
That's why I write.
Sharon
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I think this is a funny piece on waiting for retirement.
Sometimes it seems the only option IS to win the lottery.
And for most of us that is not going to happen.
That's why I write.
Sharon
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Me too:) thank you for your feedback
Comment from royowen
I think most of us won't enjoy our retirement as much as we think we will. I like your story Iza, I was reading your biographical introduction to your membership, we have a close friend who's Hungarian, and English would be second language, however she and her parents actually came from Rumania, loved this story. Could you please put it in bolder script please? It would be easier to read, but well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I think most of us won't enjoy our retirement as much as we think we will. I like your story Iza, I was reading your biographical introduction to your membership, we have a close friend who's Hungarian, and English would be second language, however she and her parents actually came from Rumania, loved this story. Could you please put it in bolder script please? It would be easier to read, but well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you Roy, and yes in Romania are lots of Hungarian so she might speak both languages:)
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Good job
Comment from robyn corum
Iza,
I get it. It can be a frustrating world out there. *smile* And there aren't too many alternatives. I really, really feel bad for men - there are almost no ways out for them. From the day they reach adulthood, they go into the workforce and stay there until they die. I was raised in a culture where the women stay home to care for the families. Of course, women's lib is changing all that. Ugh. Changing the face of the whole world for the worse, if you ask me - but that's another topic. *smile*
Some notes for you:
1.) Seventy what? (Holy) macaroni!
2.) Too many (Cancer) signs running in the family...
3.) The results of playing are the same as my writing(: "T)ry again! (This) seems to be a non-winner!"
4.) I really love the disclaimer part: "Play responsibly"(. I)n other words(,) stop wasting your money...
5.) That's why the winning(-)the(-)lottery option (is) your department(.) I will continue
6.) who knows maybe one day I will win a contest and start making a living out of it.
--> if this is posed as a question you need a question mark at the end
This was an interesting discussion on a situation a lot of folks face. I won't count off for the nits because I understand you have a language issue and it's not your fault! ha This was entertaining (sorry?) and nicely presented. Thanks!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Iza,
I get it. It can be a frustrating world out there. *smile* And there aren't too many alternatives. I really, really feel bad for men - there are almost no ways out for them. From the day they reach adulthood, they go into the workforce and stay there until they die. I was raised in a culture where the women stay home to care for the families. Of course, women's lib is changing all that. Ugh. Changing the face of the whole world for the worse, if you ask me - but that's another topic. *smile*
Some notes for you:
1.) Seventy what? (Holy) macaroni!
2.) Too many (Cancer) signs running in the family...
3.) The results of playing are the same as my writing(: "T)ry again! (This) seems to be a non-winner!"
4.) I really love the disclaimer part: "Play responsibly"(. I)n other words(,) stop wasting your money...
5.) That's why the winning(-)the(-)lottery option (is) your department(.) I will continue
6.) who knows maybe one day I will win a contest and start making a living out of it.
--> if this is posed as a question you need a question mark at the end
This was an interesting discussion on a situation a lot of folks face. I won't count off for the nits because I understand you have a language issue and it's not your fault! ha This was entertaining (sorry?) and nicely presented. Thanks!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your feedback and grammar corrections
Comment from Drew Delaney
I do really like this chapter. It is a fun read with some of the cute phrases you add.
1. Remove the S from Cancer(S) signs.
2. Well the only chance for you is to win the Lottery. ( comma follow Well(,)
3. responsibly" in other words stop wasting your money... (.) follows responsibility And start a new sentence with the word In and use a comma following words
4. the winning the lottery ( remove the first (the)
5. about it? (remove the word (it).
Use quotation marks ". rather than bullets. I know it must be hard but you can do it.
I hope these suggestions help.
Drew
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I do really like this chapter. It is a fun read with some of the cute phrases you add.
1. Remove the S from Cancer(S) signs.
2. Well the only chance for you is to win the Lottery. ( comma follow Well(,)
3. responsibly" in other words stop wasting your money... (.) follows responsibility And start a new sentence with the word In and use a comma following words
4. the winning the lottery ( remove the first (the)
5. about it? (remove the word (it).
Use quotation marks ". rather than bullets. I know it must be hard but you can do it.
I hope these suggestions help.
Drew
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much Drew for the suggestions and for reading my little rant
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Just want to help you somehow! Drew
Comment from Raul1
Hopefully this Writer will win first place. But, it is elusive and very difficult to earn. For the others it will eventually come. Very good work! No grammatical errors.
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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hopefully this Writer will win first place. But, it is elusive and very difficult to earn. For the others it will eventually come. Very good work! No grammatical errors.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Yeah my first prize is like the lottery, try again:)
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this chapter in your book about retirement. Since you asked: "What can I say?"
"My man...dreams." A good focus is to not make your sentences too long as this one is.
Bill
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I enjoyed reading this chapter in your book about retirement. Since you asked: "What can I say?"
"My man...dreams." A good focus is to not make your sentences too long as this one is.
Bill
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you Mr. Bill for your precious feedback and the grammar corrections.
