Starlight
A Lune24 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
What a nice comparison. Stars do indeed look like gemstones glittering in the sky. Nice alliteration with all the "s" sounds to generate a feeling of whispering in awe at the beautiful night sky.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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What a nice comparison. Stars do indeed look like gemstones glittering in the sky. Nice alliteration with all the "s" sounds to generate a feeling of whispering in awe at the beautiful night sky.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Great review -thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your lune is so beautiful--reminding us that, though winter brings COLD weather, it also gives us beauty to gaze upon. You have an appealing blend of literal and figurative language.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Your lune is so beautiful--reminding us that, though winter brings COLD weather, it also gives us beauty to gaze upon. You have an appealing blend of literal and figurative language.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Superb review zanya
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a nicely composed poem, Zanya. The image is a great choice to accompany your words. Everything looks perfect to me. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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This is a nicely composed poem, Zanya. The image is a great choice to accompany your words. Everything looks perfect to me. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Thanks for reviewing zanya
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello mystery writer. I'm not a fan of very short form poems but I do like the one you've written here. It's very descriptive and does tell a story in my view. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Hello mystery writer. I'm not a fan of very short form poems but I do like the one you've written here. It's very descriptive and does tell a story in my view. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thanks for that accolade ! zanya
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You're welcome
Comment from Bichon
I just adore this poem. I love how you have beautifully described the stars and how they shine against the backdrop. You have created a perfect image in only a few lines. Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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I just adore this poem. I love how you have beautifully described the stars and how they shine against the backdrop. You have created a perfect image in only a few lines. Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thanks again for that extra twinkling star - zanya
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a pretty picture you offer us. The image you've chosen is gorgeous and helps a lot in creating drama. Kudos!
My only negative might be that you've described the stars in the first line in a kind of lovely metaphor - and then stated them outright in the last line. That seems to take away from the first line to me. I would suggest:
an edit of some sort - like maybe:
*
celestial gemstones
shine bright on
starry winter night
*
celestial gemstones
shine bright on
velvet winter night
*
You can probably do better than that. *smile*
Just a thought. Good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
What a pretty picture you offer us. The image you've chosen is gorgeous and helps a lot in creating drama. Kudos!
My only negative might be that you've described the stars in the first line in a kind of lovely metaphor - and then stated them outright in the last line. That seems to take away from the first line to me. I would suggest:
an edit of some sort - like maybe:
*
celestial gemstones
shine bright on
starry winter night
*
celestial gemstones
shine bright on
velvet winter night
*
You can probably do better than that. *smile*
Just a thought. Good luck!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Glad you enjoyed reading this little poem & thanks for taking time to make useful suggestions zanya
Comment from Patty Palmer
Indeed, celestial gems, the stars, shine like diamonds. The dark winter night seems to make them shine even brighter. I love the picture you chose to go with your poem.
Patty
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Indeed, celestial gems, the stars, shine like diamonds. The dark winter night seems to make them shine even brighter. I love the picture you chose to go with your poem.
Patty
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thanks for a great review zanya
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You're welcome!
Patty
Comment from Minglement
Wow, this contest entry really captivated me and made me wish to be where I could observe this scene as you describe it. Not easy to do in so few syllables. Great entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Wow, this contest entry really captivated me and made me wish to be where I could observe this scene as you describe it. Not easy to do in so few syllables. Great entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thanks for those positive sentiments ! zanya
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You are most welcome :)
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
That they do indeed! I must confess that starlight has always attracted and appealed to me more than sunlight or moonlight! Those we see everyday of our life so they rarely feel special anymore! But when you live in big cities, these starry nights are a rare delight for us to savour and you are more in awe of starlight because of that!
A good entry in the contest! Cheers
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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That they do indeed! I must confess that starlight has always attracted and appealed to me more than sunlight or moonlight! Those we see everyday of our life so they rarely feel special anymore! But when you live in big cities, these starry nights are a rare delight for us to savour and you are more in awe of starlight because of that!
A good entry in the contest! Cheers
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thanks for reviewing zanya
Comment from Lil' Mormon Boy
I love your lune.
There is nothing better than lying on you back in the middle of nowhere and peering into the universe. You made me think of younger times and great camp outs.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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I love your lune.
There is nothing better than lying on you back in the middle of nowhere and peering into the universe. You made me think of younger times and great camp outs.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this little poem zanya
