The Old Man Who Saved Us
Who was the mysterious stanger?14 total reviews
Comment from Therese Caron
Excellent story! It caught my attention at the very beginning, and held it right to the end. Great description of characters, the typical strained relationship between sisters with a lot of age difference between them, which changes to one of protection as soon as something threatening happens. Nice job!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
  |
Excellent story! It caught my attention at the very beginning, and held it right to the end. Great description of characters, the typical strained relationship between sisters with a lot of age difference between them, which changes to one of protection as soon as something threatening happens. Nice job!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Gail Denham
Good exciting story. Unusual, mysterious - but the truth hits the parents. I do think you might make it stronger, but using more action techniques. Don't tell- show. It could be stronger if you show the children's fear, show the noise of the car, not just describe it. Just my comments.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Good exciting story. Unusual, mysterious - but the truth hits the parents. I do think you might make it stronger, but using more action techniques. Don't tell- show. It could be stronger if you show the children's fear, show the noise of the car, not just describe it. Just my comments.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review. I will work on this story.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This read just like one of those 'Hancocks Half Hour' did you ever watch them? I loved how you wrote this, it started off really well and then this car and strange man comes in to the story. The description of both man and car were so well done. Then you have the ending and mum and dad have no choice but to believe their story. I enjoyed reading this story, very well done! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
This read just like one of those 'Hancocks Half Hour' did you ever watch them? I loved how you wrote this, it started off really well and then this car and strange man comes in to the story. The description of both man and car were so well done. Then you have the ending and mum and dad have no choice but to believe their story. I enjoyed reading this story, very well done! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from May 1
This was such a fun story to read. It is very well written and so exciting to read. I really enjoyed the adventure and the mystery of what happened. All in all, a great story.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
This was such a fun story to read. It is very well written and so exciting to read. I really enjoyed the adventure and the mystery of what happened. All in all, a great story.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from GWHARGIS
Very cool story. The description of the old man was great. You fleshed his character in under 2 sentences. Gave me enough to build my own visual. I also liked the instinctive move Bonnie had for protecting Emily. Good job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Very cool story. The description of the old man was great. You fleshed his character in under 2 sentences. Gave me enough to build my own visual. I also liked the instinctive move Bonnie had for protecting Emily. Good job. Gretchen
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mike. This is an interesting story. You kept the secret all through the story and let it out in the last few lines. Good short stories have "punch lines" that make the story. The Buick hub cap was the answer. Nice job. Robert
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Hello Mike. This is an interesting story. You kept the secret all through the story and let it out in the last few lines. Good short stories have "punch lines" that make the story. The Buick hub cap was the answer. Nice job. Robert
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review! I like the hubcap, too.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sallyo
Excellent, Papa! There's enough length to tell a rounded story while still fitting the flash form. I like the way you set up the children's characters before you launched into the story-proper.
to mom
Mom (several times)
grandpa
Grandpa
coke
Coke
see dad's
Dad's (several times)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Excellent, Papa! There's enough length to tell a rounded story while still fitting the flash form. I like the way you set up the children's characters before you launched into the story-proper.
to mom
Mom (several times)
grandpa
Grandpa
coke
Coke
see dad's
Dad's (several times)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from KatyM
Mike, I really liked this story. I can see that it could go into being a much longer story. Good luck in the contest. Finding the hub cap was a cool clue to show the parents! I don't see anything to change or add. katy
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Mike, I really liked this story. I can see that it could go into being a much longer story. Good luck in the contest. Finding the hub cap was a cool clue to show the parents! I don't see anything to change or add. katy
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Everybody likes the hubcap. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
No thank you. It might blow up. So God sent a mysterious stranger to save the children. I do believe this happens more times than we know about. I love your stories, Mike. well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
No thank you. It might blow up. So God sent a mysterious stranger to save the children. I do believe this happens more times than we know about. I love your stories, Mike. well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Hi, Nancy! Many thank for your kind words and encouraging review.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from MamaBebop
Mike,
I enjoyed the story very much. I especially liked and felt that the dialogue and relationship between the sisters was very authentic.
I have no idea what your idea was for the stranger, but I can tell you, aside from his being toothless, he seemed to be a Professor Brown-like character from the Back to the Future movies and I saw him as an eccentric time traveler saving his grandchildren and changing their destinies.
Just a thought.
Thank you for sharing,
MB
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
|
Mike,
I enjoyed the story very much. I especially liked and felt that the dialogue and relationship between the sisters was very authentic.
I have no idea what your idea was for the stranger, but I can tell you, aside from his being toothless, he seemed to be a Professor Brown-like character from the Back to the Future movies and I saw him as an eccentric time traveler saving his grandchildren and changing their destinies.
Just a thought.
Thank you for sharing,
MB
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
-
Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
