Hosea and the Lost Souls
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Tender Mercies"Hosea seeks souls out west to cure his curse
6 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I am glad I watched the end scene of John Wayne's last movie before reading this, so it made more sense in the emphasis on realism and the last 3 sentences.
At least a couple of little fixes:
My minds made up
add apostrophe so it's My mind's made up
Also, in Jesus name needs apostrophe, so in Jesus' name
Hosea really is trying to be kind here, with such lines as: "It's a shame you can't see the setting sun." And also: "I found fresh water!" He shouted.
He seems to be full of self-doubt.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I am glad I watched the end scene of John Wayne's last movie before reading this, so it made more sense in the emphasis on realism and the last 3 sentences.
At least a couple of little fixes:
My minds made up
add apostrophe so it's My mind's made up
Also, in Jesus name needs apostrophe, so in Jesus' name
Hosea really is trying to be kind here, with such lines as: "It's a shame you can't see the setting sun." And also: "I found fresh water!" He shouted.
He seems to be full of self-doubt.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thanks for everything. Your help is appreciated. My self-editing skills haven't improved over the years.
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
What a sad and miserable post. --sigh-- Poor, poor Hosea seems to be surrounded with death and sadness most of the time. I'm still not quite sure what his 'job' here seems to be yet.
It's good to see you writing again. There are far too long stretches between your posts! Your descriptions are often so beautiful and eloquent and moving. They can place your reader right THERE. So nice!
But - I think sometimes we often grow rusty when we don't use our skills more frequently -- which terrifies me about when I start posting to my novels again! (shhhh...)
I noticed you seemed to have forgotten some of the rules about punctuating dialogue -- really unusual for you!
I made other notes as I read, too, as usual. I hope you'll find something helpful below --
1.) "Reckon so," (r)eplied Hosea, (")but you don't seem none too happy about it."
2.) More like a puzzle you are. Can't believe I'm still here," (h)e said.
3.) yourself none over Mary(. S)he's in a better place than us.(")
4.) ready to leave while there's still a chill in the air," (s)aid Hosea,
in a burlap sack so he could flop her on to the back of his horse
--> since he DOES seem to be in mourning and still hurting, I don't think even a rough cowboy would say 'flop' about his wife's body. 'Place' maybe?
5.) He (scraped) the horse blanket from the ground and draped it
6.) Del stumbled to his feet and swayed near the hot coals.
--> out of order, but I noticed that later, you're using 'Dell' with two 'l's
- be consistent
--> later, you'll again use just one 'l' -- oops, then back to two 'll's - need to fix throughout
7.) the wagon until he bucked up against it where he reached inside for his wife.
--> 'bumped' up against it?
8.) He took his gnarled hands into her dead ones and kissed them where she laid,
--> exactly opposite:
--> He took her dead hands into his gnarled ones and kissed them where she laid,
9.) "If you don't mind," (a)sked Del. "Could you describe
--> I'm not sure what's happened on your speech tags, Stan. I'll leave you with my fav dialogue website to brush up with, but I won't mark anymore of these. You'll need to go through and correct if there are any more.
10.) Hosea's horse stopped him in his tracks, where Patches found
--> Hosea's horse stopped in its tracks...
11.) "Is that you, preacher?" Sounds like it's time for me to say goodbye. You about to say a few words then?"
--> no qmarks in the middle
12.) A (h)eavy silence fell between them, compelling Del to
13.) "I'm all done. My minds made up. I can't go no further." "Should you find my son James
--> if this is the same person talking, you don't need qmarks in the middle. If it is two people talking it needs to be made much more clear
14.) "Dear Lord, open up the heavens and receive Mary Dunham, bless them both, as you see fit
--> who is both?
--> btw, I know they got the body (bodies?) ready before they headed out, but when the two guys got ready to leave there was no mention of pulling the horse with the dead body behind them. Is Dell riding WITH Hosea or riding behind him - which is what it seemed like when you described him looking back to find Dell almost asleep.
15.) Where is the body? Is there two dead persons (two ladies/one for each man) or is there one? (who seems to have a connection to both men?
--> very confused. (I realize some of this may be made more clear in the previous chap, but some indicators should be appearing here, too.)
That's it. That website I was telling you about is:
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
I have it bookmarked in my browser so I can refer to it quickly AND so I can pass it on easily, like this. I strongly recommend that others do the same. It's my favorite site on the subject. Quick and easy.
It's always great to see you. Thanks a lot!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
 |
Stan,
What a sad and miserable post. --sigh-- Poor, poor Hosea seems to be surrounded with death and sadness most of the time. I'm still not quite sure what his 'job' here seems to be yet.
It's good to see you writing again. There are far too long stretches between your posts! Your descriptions are often so beautiful and eloquent and moving. They can place your reader right THERE. So nice!
But - I think sometimes we often grow rusty when we don't use our skills more frequently -- which terrifies me about when I start posting to my novels again! (shhhh...)
I noticed you seemed to have forgotten some of the rules about punctuating dialogue -- really unusual for you!
I made other notes as I read, too, as usual. I hope you'll find something helpful below --
1.) "Reckon so," (r)eplied Hosea, (")but you don't seem none too happy about it."
2.) More like a puzzle you are. Can't believe I'm still here," (h)e said.
3.) yourself none over Mary(. S)he's in a better place than us.(")
4.) ready to leave while there's still a chill in the air," (s)aid Hosea,
in a burlap sack so he could flop her on to the back of his horse
--> since he DOES seem to be in mourning and still hurting, I don't think even a rough cowboy would say 'flop' about his wife's body. 'Place' maybe?
5.) He (scraped) the horse blanket from the ground and draped it
6.) Del stumbled to his feet and swayed near the hot coals.
--> out of order, but I noticed that later, you're using 'Dell' with two 'l's
- be consistent
--> later, you'll again use just one 'l' -- oops, then back to two 'll's - need to fix throughout
7.) the wagon until he bucked up against it where he reached inside for his wife.
--> 'bumped' up against it?
8.) He took his gnarled hands into her dead ones and kissed them where she laid,
--> exactly opposite:
--> He took her dead hands into his gnarled ones and kissed them where she laid,
9.) "If you don't mind," (a)sked Del. "Could you describe
--> I'm not sure what's happened on your speech tags, Stan. I'll leave you with my fav dialogue website to brush up with, but I won't mark anymore of these. You'll need to go through and correct if there are any more.
10.) Hosea's horse stopped him in his tracks, where Patches found
--> Hosea's horse stopped in its tracks...
11.) "Is that you, preacher?" Sounds like it's time for me to say goodbye. You about to say a few words then?"
--> no qmarks in the middle
12.) A (h)eavy silence fell between them, compelling Del to
13.) "I'm all done. My minds made up. I can't go no further." "Should you find my son James
--> if this is the same person talking, you don't need qmarks in the middle. If it is two people talking it needs to be made much more clear
14.) "Dear Lord, open up the heavens and receive Mary Dunham, bless them both, as you see fit
--> who is both?
--> btw, I know they got the body (bodies?) ready before they headed out, but when the two guys got ready to leave there was no mention of pulling the horse with the dead body behind them. Is Dell riding WITH Hosea or riding behind him - which is what it seemed like when you described him looking back to find Dell almost asleep.
15.) Where is the body? Is there two dead persons (two ladies/one for each man) or is there one? (who seems to have a connection to both men?
--> very confused. (I realize some of this may be made more clear in the previous chap, but some indicators should be appearing here, too.)
That's it. That website I was telling you about is:
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
I have it bookmarked in my browser so I can refer to it quickly AND so I can pass it on easily, like this. I strongly recommend that others do the same. It's my favorite site on the subject. Quick and easy.
It's always great to see you. Thanks a lot!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Yea I hate to admit it but I'm rusty. Thanks for the wake up call from my old has been nap. I fixed most of not all errors. You don't like my plot. Hosea finds his stride soon. Tried to build empathy and mystery with him. Loosely based on book of Hosea when he marries the town harlot.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a sad ending. At least the couple is together again. Del will be able to see all the wonders of the world for himself. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. Your dialogue seems realistic and your characters come to life. I did find one thing you might want to look at. But before Hosea's hands clamped down on the old man's windpipe, Del slumped over and appeared to take his last breath. Appeared doesn't sound right to me. That's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Overall very nice job.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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What a sad ending. At least the couple is together again. Del will be able to see all the wonders of the world for himself. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. Your dialogue seems realistic and your characters come to life. I did find one thing you might want to look at. But before Hosea's hands clamped down on the old man's windpipe, Del slumped over and appeared to take his last breath. Appeared doesn't sound right to me. That's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Overall very nice job.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thanks for your in-depth review.
Comment from patcelaw
The story of Hosea in the word of God shows the kind of love that God has for us., Hosea kept on forgiving the unfaithfulness of his wife. God keeps forgiving us for our unfaithfulness as we ask to be forgiven.
Patricia
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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The story of Hosea in the word of God shows the kind of love that God has for us., Hosea kept on forgiving the unfaithfulness of his wife. God keeps forgiving us for our unfaithfulness as we ask to be forgiven.
Patricia
Comment Written 15-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thanks again
Comment from Carl DeVere
Wow! What a great story and written dialogue for grizzled determined men of deep faith. I was pulled into the story and enjoyed every minute of it. It reveals a desperate situation poetically. I think that is the way we should all face adversity--with a smile and acceptance. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Wow! What a great story and written dialogue for grizzled determined men of deep faith. I was pulled into the story and enjoyed every minute of it. It reveals a desperate situation poetically. I think that is the way we should all face adversity--with a smile and acceptance. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thanks for all your kind and reassuring words.
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this story about the end of a man's life and being buried with his wife. Hosea is left in a very depressing situation. The plot and characters are believable. "leave their?"
under Background
Bill
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I enjoyed reading this story about the end of a man's life and being buried with his wife. Hosea is left in a very depressing situation. The plot and characters are believable. "leave their?"
under Background
Bill
Comment Written 15-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
-
Thanks for your kind and reassuring words.
