My Offering
Jesus My Savior has given His all; I give Him my heart.41 total reviews
Comment from lauralumummu
A beautiful inspirational faith poem. A wonderful entry for the contest. It is hard to lay our burdens down and just be still but this is what is needed. Did you hear the song on Christian radio, You Got This God, I need to do that more. God bless, Laura
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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A beautiful inspirational faith poem. A wonderful entry for the contest. It is hard to lay our burdens down and just be still but this is what is needed. Did you hear the song on Christian radio, You Got This God, I need to do that more. God bless, Laura
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you for your kind and wonderful review, and for your generous rating of 6. I haven't heard that song yet, but I will be looking for it! God bless you too! xxx Mary Kay
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Mary, a well written, but rather sad poem. Written in good aabb rhyme. 'Many joys of life seem to be in the past! This is sad that you say all life's joys are in the past. It gives an indication of hopelessness. Your words ' And I don't know how long my loved ones will last.' None of us know that Mary. From your writing you obviously have faith in God, so you have to put your trust in him in this case. We go when our time is up. Eight good stanzas, well written. You have given a good poem for a Faith Contest. A good entry. Good Luck and warm regards Dorothy xx
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Hello Mary, a well written, but rather sad poem. Written in good aabb rhyme. 'Many joys of life seem to be in the past! This is sad that you say all life's joys are in the past. It gives an indication of hopelessness. Your words ' And I don't know how long my loved ones will last.' None of us know that Mary. From your writing you obviously have faith in God, so you have to put your trust in him in this case. We go when our time is up. Eight good stanzas, well written. You have given a good poem for a Faith Contest. A good entry. Good Luck and warm regards Dorothy xx
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you, Dorothy, for your beautiful and sensitive review of my poem. Yes, you have correctly perceived the sadness I feel, and at times, I do struggle to keep hope alive. So many things in my life have gone wrong, over a period of time, and it's hard sometimes to stay positive. Many family members have died, moved far away or become distant; my Mom has chronic pain and will need long-term care, unless a miracle happens. I'm thankful for a very loving husband, but he has medical problems too, and resists taking medication! I won't burden you with the rest. God has to be Enough. Writing is a good outlet, and I hope to use it more -- while dealing with other situations that need my attention -- all with the help of God. Yes, we do have to trust in Him! He knows best.
Comment from Sally Law
A beautifully penned offering from your heart and for the contest! We have much in common and share a deep faith in Christ. He has promised to never leave or forsake is.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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A beautifully penned offering from your heart and for the contest! We have much in common and share a deep faith in Christ. He has promised to never leave or forsake is.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you, my sister, for your lovely and heartfelt review of my poem. I appreciate everything you wrote. With love, Mary Kay
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You are most welcome. xo
Comment from Rhymer
Hi Mary, Whatever our Faith - out of the many espoused, being true to our own is what gives us the strength to carry on when life delivers us an unexpected challenge, be it health, loss of loved ones or... whatever? I lost one long time - ex Royal Navy Friend and 2 cousins, all two days before Christmas, which put a damper on the small celebrations we had thought to enjoy, and I asked the question - Why? Close family members were devastated, as you might surmise. Such is life but we must take the good with the bad, and keep going. Such is life. This is the time we draw needed strength from our Faith to carry on, until we too are 'called home'. Without we do so? our life will be a travesty. After travelling to many parts of the world, and noting the many "Faiths" that are practiced, not sure if sometimes we tend to forget, the Faith followed, is also dependant upon ourselves, and just as important as the tenets of Religious Faith? Just my thoughts after reading your posting. Fondest Denis.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Hi Mary, Whatever our Faith - out of the many espoused, being true to our own is what gives us the strength to carry on when life delivers us an unexpected challenge, be it health, loss of loved ones or... whatever? I lost one long time - ex Royal Navy Friend and 2 cousins, all two days before Christmas, which put a damper on the small celebrations we had thought to enjoy, and I asked the question - Why? Close family members were devastated, as you might surmise. Such is life but we must take the good with the bad, and keep going. Such is life. This is the time we draw needed strength from our Faith to carry on, until we too are 'called home'. Without we do so? our life will be a travesty. After travelling to many parts of the world, and noting the many "Faiths" that are practiced, not sure if sometimes we tend to forget, the Faith followed, is also dependant upon ourselves, and just as important as the tenets of Religious Faith? Just my thoughts after reading your posting. Fondest Denis.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you Denis, for your review and your thoughts. I'm not doubting God here, just going through a rough time on many fronts and leaning on Him very, very hard. I'm really putting my heart out there, in this poem. I'm sorry for what you went through, earlier in life, losing your buddy and your cousins. I have had losses in life, even unexpected ones, but this is different -- a prolonged time of problems with family illness, personal health, financial difficulties and more. It's depressing and unnerving. But I'm hanging onto my Lord, and I'm not letting go!
Comment from dragonpoet
These aabb quatrains tell of life's troubles that hit all of us. It shows the strength faith gives believers and also how faith is doubted sometimes.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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These aabb quatrains tell of life's troubles that hit all of us. It shows the strength faith gives believers and also how faith is doubted sometimes.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you very much for your excellent review, and for your thoughts about my poem. Much appreciated!
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You are most kindly welcome on all accounts.
dp
Comment from DR DIP
Mary this is beautifully written in AABB rhyme scheme. Your faith is obviously strong and true.
I am not a religious man but will always respect others beliefs and faith.
dip
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Mary this is beautifully written in AABB rhyme scheme. Your faith is obviously strong and true.
I am not a religious man but will always respect others beliefs and faith.
dip
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you, Dip, for your excellent review. I really appreciate that you respect my faith, even though you don't share it. Always good to hear from you :-)
Comment from Ricky1024
"My Offering" is a Faith Poetry Contest Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issue but as you read?
You need a box of Kleenex Tissues.
...
If you remind me of a Twilight zone episode called...
"To Save Pip"
it was truly beautifully presented with Jack klugman playing the father and Billy mumy playing his son pip
Satin Vietnam pip is dying virtually an 18 year old child and in the meantime we learned that as he's growing up his father never had time for him.
Always running numbers in doing the wrong things.
Such as bars and drinking.
It comes across an incident when he has to save another younger guy who did no wrong and takes a shot in the stomach!
Having an epifimy, he wanders bleeding in pain to the amusement Park he used to go to when pip was an 8 year old child.
...
And, meets his eight year old son can't understand why pip is 8 years old again?
So what's happening is as he's dying in Vietnam he's allowed one hour to be with his dad again from his dad can offer his forgiveness.
The father knows this and after the one hour as amusement park opens and I do the many things such as shooting that little ducks he says...
'Shoot with the gun not with the gum!'
...
After 1 hour young pip runs away and the father chases them into the mirrored house.
And he can't realize why he's doing this?
he runs into a wall of glass and it shatters!
...
He picks up a large piece of the glass mirror and he sees young pip telling him ...
'I have to go now dad because I'm dying.'
..
In desperation, he tells the Lord to take him.
His diseased and carcass soul.
And, save his son pip!
...
Distraught that he's lost his son a second time the father wanders collapses and dies.
not to the scene you see moose papers blowing over top of him..
....
the scene changes to pimp now crippled with a cane walking with his aunt which was his father's sister and a little girl.
And, she says..
"Remember how much your father loved coming here to the Amusement park?'
...
She asks Pip...
Crippled and limping Pip to go on a ferris wheel ride and he says no.
As he just wants to wander and reflect...
...
Then he hears shooting but not from war.
But the shooting gallery!
So he puts some coins in the man's hand, takes a stance, and crouches down.
Getting ready to shoot at the Target but...
He Thinks of what his Dad used to say...
And, takes out his chewing gum and remembers dad...
''Shoot with the gun not with the gum!'
...
Back to the Synopsis!
In addition, the Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly!
Good luck with this and have a Blessed Week!
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
|
"My Offering" is a Faith Poetry Contest Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issue but as you read?
You need a box of Kleenex Tissues.
...
If you remind me of a Twilight zone episode called...
"To Save Pip"
it was truly beautifully presented with Jack klugman playing the father and Billy mumy playing his son pip
Satin Vietnam pip is dying virtually an 18 year old child and in the meantime we learned that as he's growing up his father never had time for him.
Always running numbers in doing the wrong things.
Such as bars and drinking.
It comes across an incident when he has to save another younger guy who did no wrong and takes a shot in the stomach!
Having an epifimy, he wanders bleeding in pain to the amusement Park he used to go to when pip was an 8 year old child.
...
And, meets his eight year old son can't understand why pip is 8 years old again?
So what's happening is as he's dying in Vietnam he's allowed one hour to be with his dad again from his dad can offer his forgiveness.
The father knows this and after the one hour as amusement park opens and I do the many things such as shooting that little ducks he says...
'Shoot with the gun not with the gum!'
...
After 1 hour young pip runs away and the father chases them into the mirrored house.
And he can't realize why he's doing this?
he runs into a wall of glass and it shatters!
...
He picks up a large piece of the glass mirror and he sees young pip telling him ...
'I have to go now dad because I'm dying.'
..
In desperation, he tells the Lord to take him.
His diseased and carcass soul.
And, save his son pip!
...
Distraught that he's lost his son a second time the father wanders collapses and dies.
not to the scene you see moose papers blowing over top of him..
....
the scene changes to pimp now crippled with a cane walking with his aunt which was his father's sister and a little girl.
And, she says..
"Remember how much your father loved coming here to the Amusement park?'
...
She asks Pip...
Crippled and limping Pip to go on a ferris wheel ride and he says no.
As he just wants to wander and reflect...
...
Then he hears shooting but not from war.
But the shooting gallery!
So he puts some coins in the man's hand, takes a stance, and crouches down.
Getting ready to shoot at the Target but...
He Thinks of what his Dad used to say...
And, takes out his chewing gum and remembers dad...
''Shoot with the gun not with the gum!'
...
Back to the Synopsis!
In addition, the Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly!
Good luck with this and have a Blessed Week!
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much, Doc Ricky, for your beautiful and detailed review of my poem, and for your kind and generous rating of 6. I am glad it touched your heart. Yes, I have seen that same episode of the Twilight Zone, very touching, indeed! Thanks again, and God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
Your rhymes and rhythm were perfect throughout and each verse was wrought beautifully by you! The picture you choose had a serene message as well that I enjoyed.
A great entry in the faith contest and best wishes to you! Cheers
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Your rhymes and rhythm were perfect throughout and each verse was wrought beautifully by you! The picture you choose had a serene message as well that I enjoyed.
A great entry in the faith contest and best wishes to you! Cheers
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you very much, Aaqib, for your beautiful review of my poem. I appreciate everything you wrote. Cheers and blessings! - Mary Kay
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Thank you for sharing your faithful words Mary, your faith is beside you and supporting you through the trials of life, you are empowered by it, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you for sharing your faithful words Mary, your faith is beside you and supporting you through the trials of life, you are empowered by it, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you very much, Dolly, for your lovely and encouraging review! God bless you! Love, Mary Kay
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, prayer poem which comes from your heart. It shows us that the faithful walk of a Jesus follower isn't easy and smooth but we can count on Him always. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you for sharing your beautiful, prayer poem which comes from your heart. It shows us that the faithful walk of a Jesus follower isn't easy and smooth but we can count on Him always. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
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Thank you for your lovely review. You have a very good grasp of the meaning of my poem. I appreciate everything you wrote!
