Hawk Soars
Hunter and hunted - nature's ploys41 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Hawk Soars, presented as a 5-7-5, finds that the scared hare flees to escape the eventual date with the hawks claws.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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This haiku, Hawk Soars, presented as a 5-7-5, finds that the scared hare flees to escape the eventual date with the hawks claws.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Bill, I appreciate the validation.
Comment from rspoet
Hello JLR,
You've written a very fine haiku for the contest
with good imagery of the hunter/prey dynamic
Good grammatical connection in the last two lines.
I'd suggest one minor change of "spite" to "hinder" or "evade"
to eliminate personification and imply evasive maneuver.
Hawk above soars
rabbit scampers to hinder
hunter that looks down
Great picture to match
Well done
Good luck in the contest
Robert
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Hello JLR,
You've written a very fine haiku for the contest
with good imagery of the hunter/prey dynamic
Good grammatical connection in the last two lines.
I'd suggest one minor change of "spite" to "hinder" or "evade"
to eliminate personification and imply evasive maneuver.
Hawk above soars
rabbit scampers to hinder
hunter that looks down
Great picture to match
Well done
Good luck in the contest
Robert
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Robert yes I see spite is too humanizing, thank you
Comment from papa55mike
This is a wonderfully written poem and the picture is perfect. One thing I would try, in the first line try, Hawk soars above. Maybe?
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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This is a wonderfully written poem and the picture is perfect. One thing I would try, in the first line try, Hawk soars above. Maybe?
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Mike thank you, Yes I see that flows off the tongue smoother, thank you!
Comment from Ogden
Excellent concept and presentation, but I take issue with the motive for the rabbit's scampering being 'spite' rather than fear for its life - even if its use is intended to be ironic.
(I'm pro rabbit, and you seem to be rooting for the hawk.)
;o)
Don
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Excellent concept and presentation, but I take issue with the motive for the rabbit's scampering being 'spite' rather than fear for its life - even if its use is intended to be ironic.
(I'm pro rabbit, and you seem to be rooting for the hawk.)
;o)
Don
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Don, I will meet you half way LOL Hinders.... it will be!
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello JLR, a good haiku in 5/7/5 syllable form accompanied by a great picture. Good use of alliteration with the letter S. Good work and Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Hello JLR, a good haiku in 5/7/5 syllable form accompanied by a great picture. Good use of alliteration with the letter S. Good work and Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Dorothy, thank you for the review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image and
topic for your haiku, JLR.
-You have effective nature
imagery and create a
vivid word picture of
the hawk and the rabbit.
-Each one has its own
purpose in mind.
-I like the use of "spite"
to personify the rabbit.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
|
-A good image and
topic for your haiku, JLR.
-You have effective nature
imagery and create a
vivid word picture of
the hawk and the rabbit.
-Each one has its own
purpose in mind.
-I like the use of "spite"
to personify the rabbit.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Pam, Thank you for the review and comments. Have an awesome week.
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You are very welcome, JLR. You do the same!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written 5-7-5 about the hunter hawk that we oars high above searching for prey to feed his family the rabbit is the hunted prey for the day.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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A very well-written 5-7-5 about the hunter hawk that we oars high above searching for prey to feed his family the rabbit is the hunted prey for the day.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Thank you for the review and comments
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey J. Good to see you writing haiku. They are among my favourite verses and not as easy to write as they appear to be.
Excellent concrete imagery captured within your first two lines, and one suggestion I have is you may not want to use hawk twice in the same small verse.
That said, nice job and best of luck to you with the Contest Committee. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Hey J. Good to see you writing haiku. They are among my favourite verses and not as easy to write as they appear to be.
Excellent concrete imagery captured within your first two lines, and one suggestion I have is you may not want to use hawk twice in the same small verse.
That said, nice job and best of luck to you with the Contest Committee. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Gloria. than you I will review this.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Hawk Soars", is and extremely well-written and close-to-the-bone piece.
With a minimum of words, this talented poet has told it as it is. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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"Hawk Soars", is and extremely well-written and close-to-the-bone piece.
With a minimum of words, this talented poet has told it as it is. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Thank you for the review and comments
Comment from Susan Larson
Please! Send your hawk here to swoop down on our squirrels, chipmunks and armadillos! It will make us and the buzzards that live in a tree in our yard very happy.!
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Please! Send your hawk here to swoop down on our squirrels, chipmunks and armadillos! It will make us and the buzzards that live in a tree in our yard very happy.!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
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Susan, I would be delighted too, if I could. LOL
