Comment from Sharon Haiste

Excellent

I think this is an interesting story/chapter.
Well told and the characters are clear.
I look forward to reading more of this story.
Well done.
Sharon

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2020

Thank you, Sharon

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

Slinky Lincoln? he-he-he... :) Yeah, I'm thinking Peril had to see that coming, yeah? Soooooo, where does Pez go from here..? Hmmmm.... waiting patiently..! ;) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2020

I was going to let Peril die, but I think he?ll hang for a bit.

Comment from susand3022

Excellent

Yup... I expect Peril has a lot of friends where he's going! LOL, Sure is in peril now. An apt name you gave that man. He's been in peril this entire story! LOL, Good job, Bill!

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2020

Thanks, Susan.

Comment from RShipp

Excellent

When I heard the criminal was going someplace in Florida, my first thought was 'the swamp' was a great place to hide and never be found.

I hope there is another installment... I suspect 'the hiding' is a little more involved than a simple escape plan?

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

Rumor was that Jimmy Hoffa was wood-chipped and poured in the Okefenoke.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

Something tells me that Peril may not have had a full understanding of what may be in store for him. He is thinking that he will be hidden in Florida, when in truth his body will be hidden in Florida, while his life will be in limbo.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

Peril is definitely not being given a free ride. Wonder if he makes it to the swamp whole or puréed?

Comment from Bill Pinder

Excellent

Interesting story about a mob connected guy thinking he's got everything covered only to find out that he's going to be dumped in the swamp. Sounds like some down-home justice for this guy. Good luck with the rest of your story.
Bill

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

Thanks, Bill. I'm still deciding whether Peril will escape his escape.

Comment from phill doran

Excellent

Again Bill (two in one day!)
Very good. You have the pace right - the story zips along. It is all very focused on the players rather than the scene. Scene-setting has perhaps not been necessary in these short FS-format episodes, as the dialogue really does carry the writing. I do not know if you intend to develop the story outside of FS, but if you do, perhaps widening your vision to scene-setting and descriptive work might 'bulk' out the text without detracting from the (strong) story line: just a thought.
I wish you well with this and your other writing.
cheers
phill

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

I am practically cutting and pasting the last review response I read, Phil. I do tend to skimp on details as the story builds. I will beef up the setting and perhaps the minor characters' backstories later, depending on how this comes out. Thanks for reviewing.

Comment from Mistydawn

Excellent

It sounds like Peril might've been better off in prison. At least he'd still be alive. I imagine this little routine saves taxpayers a lot of money. I can't say I feel a bit sorry for him, accident or not. It wouldn't have happened at all if he didn't con his son into playing the deadly game. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting, realistic, believable thoughts, dialogue. It could've used more details. Now I see what my readers mean. My stories are often written this way, dialogue-heavy.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

I will beef up the setting and perhaps the minor character backstories later. Depending on how this comes out. Thanks for reviewing, MD.