The Book of Miracles
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Jasmine"The adventures of Eastern European in America
11 total reviews
Comment from Miranda Langston
I really enjoyed reading this. I love how you used the picture of Princess Jasmine for this and the text color. this story is very well-written and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I really enjoyed reading this. I love how you used the picture of Princess Jasmine for this and the text color. this story is very well-written and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review this true story. Your feedback is greatly appreciated 😉
Comment from Janilou
This is a true story? Wow. That is very sad. There is so much going on in this chapter it was hard to grasp it all. I found myself aching for the children, the daughters your friend left behind to face the very world she was able to run away from, without a mother to help them.
My only suggestion would be to spread the content of this chapter over several chapters to expand it a little.
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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This is a true story? Wow. That is very sad. There is so much going on in this chapter it was hard to grasp it all. I found myself aching for the children, the daughters your friend left behind to face the very world she was able to run away from, without a mother to help them.
My only suggestion would be to spread the content of this chapter over several chapters to expand it a little.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 17-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
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Thanks Jan and yes this it's a true story. Now she is doing match better, she got her younger daughter from Philippines and bought a house and also has a good job but still dreams to be a singer one day:)
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That's good to hear. :-)
Comment from Ricky1024
"Jasmine"
To read and review this brings so much pain.
It was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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"Jasmine"
To read and review this brings so much pain.
It was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is an interesting story for the Non-Fiction Writing contest.
This story of multiple lives, real and internet is well told.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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I think this is an interesting story for the Non-Fiction Writing contest.
This story of multiple lives, real and internet is well told.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review.
Comment from Aussie
Iza, there are a few grammatical errors. If you care to read it back to yourself. The computer is a good tool when used as a tool. Chat rooms can be deadly, you don't know who the hell is on the line, what lies are being told to gullible, lonely women? Loneliness is a plague, it can bring you down to your knees. We are better off to meet and greet people in person.
That way, there are no lies. Desperation drove you to self-harm. Now, pick up your life and see the smorgasbord of lonely people out there, waiting for a friend such as you! Love, Kay.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Iza, there are a few grammatical errors. If you care to read it back to yourself. The computer is a good tool when used as a tool. Chat rooms can be deadly, you don't know who the hell is on the line, what lies are being told to gullible, lonely women? Loneliness is a plague, it can bring you down to your knees. We are better off to meet and greet people in person.
That way, there are no lies. Desperation drove you to self-harm. Now, pick up your life and see the smorgasbord of lonely people out there, waiting for a friend such as you! Love, Kay.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Kay thank you so much for your review, my friend got her daughter back change jobs bought a house and got her life on track. Her g
faith in God saved her.
Comment from lyenochka
What a compelling story. Loneliness can definitely lead to doing video dating, I guess. But it sounds more like a kind of addiction. Hope she recovered and was able to return to her family.
" where I am bloome to life," (bloom)
" my parents wish of" (parents')
" In my parents eyes" (parents')
"Philippino girl. " (Filipino)
"my family dishonored me. " (disowned?) Technically, she dishonored them.
" je n'est ce quoi! " (je ne sais quoi)
"La Vida Locca. " (La vida loca)
"computer it's innocent," (is not "it's")
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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What a compelling story. Loneliness can definitely lead to doing video dating, I guess. But it sounds more like a kind of addiction. Hope she recovered and was able to return to her family.
" where I am bloome to life," (bloom)
" my parents wish of" (parents')
" In my parents eyes" (parents')
"Philippino girl. " (Filipino)
"my family dishonored me. " (disowned?) Technically, she dishonored them.
" je n'est ce quoi! " (je ne sais quoi)
"La Vida Locca. " (La vida loca)
"computer it's innocent," (is not "it's")
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Helen thank you so much for your kind review and yes my friend got her daughter back change jobs bought a house and got her life on track. Her faith in God saved her.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
You did an excellent job in conveying this intense story about your friend. Love can definitely send you reeling and take you places internally that are not always in one's best interest! I hope your friend has found the peace she is looking for! xoxo
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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You did an excellent job in conveying this intense story about your friend. Love can definitely send you reeling and take you places internally that are not always in one's best interest! I hope your friend has found the peace she is looking for! xoxo
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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thank you so much for your kind review and yes my friend got her daughter back change jobs bought a house and got her life on track. Her faith in God saved her
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So happy to hear that! God is good always! You did a beautiful job expressing this issue!
Comment from royowen
Such a sad story Iza, the problem with the social media, is that it can destroy the participant, if they take as being the real world, it isn't, and it can't possibly hurt you, if you don't want it to. When one has a child, or, in fact, any dependant, one owes them their love and devotion, a partner in life needs to be worthy and committed, not a source of honey. This probably needs an edit dear girl, great potential here. Blessings, Roy
Typo : I am ( bloome) to life. A boon? 2 : I lost my daughter(,) 3 : where I've gain(ed) my freedom... 4: You don't have to be a (mariarchi)?
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Such a sad story Iza, the problem with the social media, is that it can destroy the participant, if they take as being the real world, it isn't, and it can't possibly hurt you, if you don't want it to. When one has a child, or, in fact, any dependant, one owes them their love and devotion, a partner in life needs to be worthy and committed, not a source of honey. This probably needs an edit dear girl, great potential here. Blessings, Roy
Typo : I am ( bloome) to life. A boon? 2 : I lost my daughter(,) 3 : where I've gain(ed) my freedom... 4: You don't have to be a (mariarchi)?
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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thank you so much for your kind review and yes my friend got her daughter back change jobs bought a house and got her life on track. Her faith in God saved her
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That is a miracle, your faith brought her through.
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That is a miracle, your faith brought her through.
Comment from Bobby Jo
I think we all run from something. Is it scary to be stable, and not move, always needing something different, something more. A survival we e all need to know we can do ourselves. Thanks for thos heartfelt story
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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I think we all run from something. Is it scary to be stable, and not move, always needing something different, something more. A survival we e all need to know we can do ourselves. Thanks for thos heartfelt story
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is a powerful true story, full of emotion {thumbs up}. I can imagine this happening.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
At first glance I don't look different than any other average Jane: average beauty, average education and life style, but I exceed at passion. -- If this was mine, I'd revise the punctuation to make it an easier read:
At first glance, I don't look different than any other average Jane -- average beauty, average education and life style -- but I exceed at passion.
hiding my real self behind my parents wish of an[?] arranged marriage -- Spag? Missing determiner?
I wasn't allowed to work, I was allowed only to take care of my image. -- Comma splice?
We got married and had another daughter. -- Hmm. I'm assuming the first marriage was annulled. Also, we got married, but only you had another daughter -- Unless, of course, this second husband already had a daughter as well. Either way. This needs revising.
Best of luck with the competition judging {smiles}.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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This is a powerful true story, full of emotion {thumbs up}. I can imagine this happening.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
At first glance I don't look different than any other average Jane: average beauty, average education and life style, but I exceed at passion. -- If this was mine, I'd revise the punctuation to make it an easier read:
At first glance, I don't look different than any other average Jane -- average beauty, average education and life style -- but I exceed at passion.
hiding my real self behind my parents wish of an[?] arranged marriage -- Spag? Missing determiner?
I wasn't allowed to work, I was allowed only to take care of my image. -- Comma splice?
We got married and had another daughter. -- Hmm. I'm assuming the first marriage was annulled. Also, we got married, but only you had another daughter -- Unless, of course, this second husband already had a daughter as well. Either way. This needs revising.
Best of luck with the competition judging {smiles}.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for your review and for the corrections. Happy New Year my friend.
