Below Billowing Clouds
A different perspective23 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Your words give clear images of clouds floating through the sky. I like the mix of internal and end rhyme along with the use of alliteration here and there.
Good luck in the contest
Keep writing
Happy New Years
dragonpoet
  |
Your words give clear images of clouds floating through the sky. I like the mix of internal and end rhyme along with the use of alliteration here and there.
Good luck in the contest
Keep writing
Happy New Years
dragonpoet
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Therese Caron
A lovely poem about lying on your back in the field looking up at the clouds. We realize how small we are and how big the universe is. I like the idea that the clouds have seen it all. Beautiful poem about what is above and around us, and you chose a lovely image. Good luck in the contest!
|
A lovely poem about lying on your back in the field looking up at the clouds. We realize how small we are and how big the universe is. I like the idea that the clouds have seen it all. Beautiful poem about what is above and around us, and you chose a lovely image. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Gail Denham
True - lying there contemplating - letting the rest of the world go its way - can be a fine retreat. if one has good grass, if the day is clear, if the clouds are mild. right now we're freezing here.
good poem
|
True - lying there contemplating - letting the rest of the world go its way - can be a fine retreat. if one has good grass, if the day is clear, if the clouds are mild. right now we're freezing here.
good poem
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for tipping your hat to Wordsworth and transporting us with your picture and cloud descriptions. I enjoyed your rhymes and images like "dragon/dove". I too am a nephophile! Best wishes in the contest- Joan
|
Thank you for tipping your hat to Wordsworth and transporting us with your picture and cloud descriptions. I enjoyed your rhymes and images like "dragon/dove". I too am a nephophile! Best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is exceptional. There is so much to say yet, the words do not come. I am so overwhelmed by so many thoughts that suffice to say, with this poem I am blown away. I notice the rhyme schemes fluctuate with each stanza showing a different pattern. They are all superb, in the skill and creativity of each word choice for a rhyme. The flow, the meter are both excellent. But, the messages throughout the poem are what I love best. With the first verse, I notice and admire the "w" sounds of alliteration, as well as the internal rhymes of "world" and "whirl". I love the meaning, and feel the same way, about "loud" crowds. Within it, you have an envelope rhyme scheme, which is very nice and hard to do. I love rhymes like "pleasure" and "leisure" as well as "thoughts" and "juggernauts" and I can't help mentioning "shapes" and "evaporates" as well. All very clever and meaningful. My favorite verse is the last one wit its astounding ending. The last two lines hit me most, "My turbulent thoughts are gently healed - problems once big, now small." If watching clouds doesn't do anything else, this reason, in the last two lines, is enough to make it all worthwhile. I'm sure I've left things out but, you get the gist of how impressed I am with this poem.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
 |
This is exceptional. There is so much to say yet, the words do not come. I am so overwhelmed by so many thoughts that suffice to say, with this poem I am blown away. I notice the rhyme schemes fluctuate with each stanza showing a different pattern. They are all superb, in the skill and creativity of each word choice for a rhyme. The flow, the meter are both excellent. But, the messages throughout the poem are what I love best. With the first verse, I notice and admire the "w" sounds of alliteration, as well as the internal rhymes of "world" and "whirl". I love the meaning, and feel the same way, about "loud" crowds. Within it, you have an envelope rhyme scheme, which is very nice and hard to do. I love rhymes like "pleasure" and "leisure" as well as "thoughts" and "juggernauts" and I can't help mentioning "shapes" and "evaporates" as well. All very clever and meaningful. My favorite verse is the last one wit its astounding ending. The last two lines hit me most, "My turbulent thoughts are gently healed - problems once big, now small." If watching clouds doesn't do anything else, this reason, in the last two lines, is enough to make it all worthwhile. I'm sure I've left things out but, you get the gist of how impressed I am with this poem.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
-
Hello Jesse; I hope you had a peaceful Christmas.
I really appreciate your thoughtful review and exceptional rating. Your extensive feedback is valuable to me where you have noted and acknowledged the parts you found worthy. Your positive reaction to the sentiments in my poem is probably linked to the fact we are similar in some aspects, with solitary inclinations - either self-imposed or imposed through circumstances.
I send you good wishes for a happy and fulfilling 2020.
-
Hello Lisa.
I am glad you valued my review with feedback that helps you. Yes, we are similar in some ways, that is one of the things that draws me toward your work. Best of wishes for the new year and beyond.
Jesse
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I like the gentle rhymes in this poem. Here are some good lines:
Affairs of the heart can drift apart;
marshmallows melt away.
Silver-lined can be undermined -
Although these probably appealed to me this week due to going through old journals. This has a great form from beginning to end, long and short stanzas like differing sizes of clouds. Nice post overall.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
|
I like the gentle rhymes in this poem. Here are some good lines:
Affairs of the heart can drift apart;
marshmallows melt away.
Silver-lined can be undermined -
Although these probably appealed to me this week due to going through old journals. This has a great form from beginning to end, long and short stanzas like differing sizes of clouds. Nice post overall.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
-
Thanks for your comments and brilliant rating, CC.
(I was eating marshmallows while writing the poem - I might have choked if I were actually lying on my back watching clouds.)
Comment from emmaysavage
I liked the allusion in the first line and appreciated your rhyme scheme. I found the third stanza a bit awkward. I especially liked the image of the sky as canvas and "taming eyes of love."I liked the notion of an interactional relationship with clouds.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
I liked the allusion in the first line and appreciated your rhyme scheme. I found the third stanza a bit awkward. I especially liked the image of the sky as canvas and "taming eyes of love."I liked the notion of an interactional relationship with clouds.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good verse for the Colling all Nephophiles! contest.
Your well written verse tells of cloud watching to calm your troubles.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
|
I think this is a good verse for the Colling all Nephophiles! contest.
Your well written verse tells of cloud watching to calm your troubles.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and excellent advice to escape the rat race will be to take the time to look upwards to the sky and see what the clouds produce from dragons to angels.
|
A very well-written poem and excellent advice to escape the rat race will be to take the time to look upwards to the sky and see what the clouds produce from dragons to angels.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from June Sargent
Cerulean serenity that helps us heal - I love that perspective! These clouds have seen it all - the good, the bad and the ugly. And yet we survive to see another sunrise. Just take some time to play games with shape shifters...
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
|
Cerulean serenity that helps us heal - I love that perspective! These clouds have seen it all - the good, the bad and the ugly. And yet we survive to see another sunrise. Just take some time to play games with shape shifters...
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
-
Thanks for this brilliant review, June!
