Friendship
Friendship between an elephant and a mouse.18 total reviews
Comment from Bichon
This is really such a sweet story that I could see many younger audiences taking the inspiration and using it. Being afraid to make friends might mean you might make none at all, which isn't good!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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This is really such a sweet story that I could see many younger audiences taking the inspiration and using it. Being afraid to make friends might mean you might make none at all, which isn't good!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Cute story that illustrates an important truth. Friendship is worth the risk of reaching out. And can be found in the most unlikely places! Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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Cute story that illustrates an important truth. Friendship is worth the risk of reaching out. And can be found in the most unlikely places! Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
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You're welcome.
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is a cute, short modern fable. It provides an easy read {thumbs up}.
This elephant tells all his friends that he is planning to build a friendship between him and a mouse. -- Since this is the first sentence of your story, and you haven't introduced the elephant yet, it doesn't make sense to say "This elephant". If this was mine, I'd change it to "An elephant".
Good luck with your entry in the voting booth {smiles}.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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This is a cute, short modern fable. It provides an easy read {thumbs up}.
This elephant tells all his friends that he is planning to build a friendship between him and a mouse. -- Since this is the first sentence of your story, and you haven't introduced the elephant yet, it doesn't make sense to say "This elephant". If this was mine, I'd change it to "An elephant".
Good luck with your entry in the voting booth {smiles}.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019
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Thank you, my friend! I have fixed the mistake. I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Sugarray77
What a fun read. I enjoyed reading this big versus little tale of the mouse and elephant. Good set up and delivery of the moral. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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What a fun read. I enjoyed reading this big versus little tale of the mouse and elephant. Good set up and delivery of the moral. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This account will invite the reader to risk making a friend with someone who traditionally or misguidedly is thought to be frightening, one to be avoided or spurned. This is a powerful message for the times we live in. Too many immediately fear those who are different than they. If they took the risk, they just might be pleasantly surprised. Well thought out. I am voting for this one.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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This account will invite the reader to risk making a friend with someone who traditionally or misguidedly is thought to be frightening, one to be avoided or spurned. This is a powerful message for the times we live in. Too many immediately fear those who are different than they. If they took the risk, they just might be pleasantly surprised. Well thought out. I am voting for this one.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from heavenempress
hi, ooh what a beautiful story. So touching and simple to follow. I like the humor in it and how you simply drew a moral statement that is so helpful in life. People usually are afraid to make friends maybe, because they classify themselves in life. keep it up.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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hi, ooh what a beautiful story. So touching and simple to follow. I like the humor in it and how you simply drew a moral statement that is so helpful in life. People usually are afraid to make friends maybe, because they classify themselves in life. keep it up.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I will keep writing. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Awe, this is cute and sweet. I love the message conveyed in it. It doesn't matter the differences. You might find your best friend in the strangest places or cultures. I enjoyed reading this inspirational and well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Awe, this is cute and sweet. I love the message conveyed in it. It doesn't matter the differences. You might find your best friend in the strangest places or cultures. I enjoyed reading this inspirational and well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from RShipp
A great moral to this story!!
And you could never go wrong with an elephant and a mouse.
I think if you started out like other 'fairy-tale' type stories with "once upon a time there was...It would read more smoothly as a children's story?
Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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A great moral to this story!!
And you could never go wrong with an elephant and a mouse.
I think if you started out like other 'fairy-tale' type stories with "once upon a time there was...It would read more smoothly as a children's story?
Enjoyed!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from nor84
I wanted to give you a heads-up. The contest rules state the last sentence must be: And the moral of the story is... and you finish the sentence.
The last line in this piece does not begin with the word And.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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I wanted to give you a heads-up. The contest rules state the last sentence must be: And the moral of the story is... and you finish the sentence.
The last line in this piece does not begin with the word And.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2019
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Thank you for telling me! I'm glad you enjoyed my story! :) Thanks again, my friend!
Comment from Dawn Munro
This was a charming story. It is true that elephants are afraid of mice, surprisingly. You picked a fun topic for this challenge.
I have one correction for you to consider: throughout, your verb tense is past, except here: "Buss tried to look for a friend mouse but thought that his idea (is) terrifying." The verb you want should be past tense -- "...(was) terrifying."
What an adorable picture you chose too. It suits the story well, and I'm sure children would love it!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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This was a charming story. It is true that elephants are afraid of mice, surprisingly. You picked a fun topic for this challenge.
I have one correction for you to consider: throughout, your verb tense is past, except here: "Buss tried to look for a friend mouse but thought that his idea (is) terrifying." The verb you want should be past tense -- "...(was) terrifying."
What an adorable picture you chose too. It suits the story well, and I'm sure children would love it!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I have fixed the mistake. Thanks for letting me know! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
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It was my pleasure.:)
