A Shadow On The Street
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Homeless Network"One man's blessing can be another's curse.
16 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
Mike, This is a very well written and very interesting story you have penned about the homeless network. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this my friend. May God bless you! Teri
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Mike, This is a very well written and very interesting story you have penned about the homeless network. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this my friend. May God bless you! Teri
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hi, Terri! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review. I'll be by to read.
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
Comment from JudyE
This is very well written with believable characters and authentic dialogue.
Just a very few tiny glitches:
"He is, Kathy. I saw the killers face in his mind." - apostrophe needed - should be 'killer's face'
I made sure in the letter that if he didn't show, I'd go straight to the police. - comma needed after 'that'
"It's exactly eight o'clock, let's see if Mr. Davis takes the bait." - period needed after 'o'clock'
All I see the tips of his polished military boots - should be 'All I see are the tips of his polished military boots'
I hope you have a wonderful 2020.
Judy
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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This is very well written with believable characters and authentic dialogue.
Just a very few tiny glitches:
"He is, Kathy. I saw the killers face in his mind." - apostrophe needed - should be 'killer's face'
I made sure in the letter that if he didn't show, I'd go straight to the police. - comma needed after 'that'
"It's exactly eight o'clock, let's see if Mr. Davis takes the bait." - period needed after 'o'clock'
All I see the tips of his polished military boots - should be 'All I see are the tips of his polished military boots'
I hope you have a wonderful 2020.
Judy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hi, Judy! Many thanks for all of your help. It's always deeply appreciated.
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
Comment from royowen
A great convoluted plot Mike, I take you're not used to writing longish ones, I love the plot, the characters, and even the bits you didn't write. Also you included the prophetic, the ability through God to have visions of other's minds and hearts. But the story has disconnections in it, I was absorbed, but missed scene connections, my guess is your thoughts were quicker than the pen. It's such a good story about a killer's twisted motives, and his road to redemption. Just loved it, but it needs work dear bro. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Kathy turns (her) back to me.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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A great convoluted plot Mike, I take you're not used to writing longish ones, I love the plot, the characters, and even the bits you didn't write. Also you included the prophetic, the ability through God to have visions of other's minds and hearts. But the story has disconnections in it, I was absorbed, but missed scene connections, my guess is your thoughts were quicker than the pen. It's such a good story about a killer's twisted motives, and his road to redemption. Just loved it, but it needs work dear bro. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Kathy turns (her) back to me.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hello, my friend! This is what I love about Fanstory. There are so many people willing to help with your writing. I value every opinion and it has helped become a much better writer. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
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Well done
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Whoa....! You just never know what talents may 'lurk' in the pools of the homeless folks, yeah? A wonderful story of intrigue and the 'bailiff' is definitely not the one anyone ever suspects!! ;) :) Thanx so much for sharing and Joy to you for 2020! :)
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Whoa....! You just never know what talents may 'lurk' in the pools of the homeless folks, yeah? A wonderful story of intrigue and the 'bailiff' is definitely not the one anyone ever suspects!! ;) :) Thanx so much for sharing and Joy to you for 2020! :)
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Hello, my friend! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
Comment from Therese Caron
This is quite a story. I think reading minds could be a gift at times, and a curse at other times. I like how giving and caring the family is, worrying about others. The characters richly develop throughout the story. The only part I didn't understand was Kathy hacking a computer for fun and becoming a felon. It didn't seem to fit them. I found the story very creative, and I enjoyed it immensely.You are very good at developing characters.Thanks for sharing!
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reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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This is quite a story. I think reading minds could be a gift at times, and a curse at other times. I like how giving and caring the family is, worrying about others. The characters richly develop throughout the story. The only part I didn't understand was Kathy hacking a computer for fun and becoming a felon. It didn't seem to fit them. I found the story very creative, and I enjoyed it immensely.You are very good at developing characters.Thanks for sharing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Thank you for that point about Kathy. I'll address it at the beginning of the next chapter. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review.
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
Comment from LeannaP
This was beautifully written.
Your characters came alive and it made for an easy read.
Thank you for sharing.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Happy holidays
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reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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This was beautifully written.
Your characters came alive and it made for an easy read.
Thank you for sharing.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Happy holidays
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
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Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Happy Holidays and God bless.
mike
