Celtic Roots
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Land "Autobiography of an oldest son lost in a family
9 total reviews
Comment from Elaine Chiodi
It's always difficult to put oneself out to the public with such a personal story, but you're telling your history very well. A few rough spots grammatically, but the story moves along nicely and holds the reader's interest. A great start for your book... ...ec
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2019
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It's always difficult to put oneself out to the public with such a personal story, but you're telling your history very well. A few rough spots grammatically, but the story moves along nicely and holds the reader's interest. A great start for your book... ...ec
Comment Written 23-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2019
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Elaine,yes but each of us had a story begging to be told.
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so true, and each day we start a new chapter... ...ec
Comment from Therese Caron
This is one of the best I have ever read. I can picture you and your family in their everyday lives. Your imagery is powerful. My mother is Irish as far back as anyone knows, but it was her grandparents who lived in Ireland. She is 94 and was born here. Her father became a millionaire with a textile mill in NY and then lost every penny he had during the depression. She has wonderful stories also. Yours is heartfelt, moving, humorous at times, and a story I love. It is amazing. One tiny typo - the paragraph starting with ewe's should not have an apostrophe as you are just pluralizing ewes. There may be more, but I was so wrapped up in your story that I would not have noticed, I would give you a 7 if it existed!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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This is one of the best I have ever read. I can picture you and your family in their everyday lives. Your imagery is powerful. My mother is Irish as far back as anyone knows, but it was her grandparents who lived in Ireland. She is 94 and was born here. Her father became a millionaire with a textile mill in NY and then lost every penny he had during the depression. She has wonderful stories also. Yours is heartfelt, moving, humorous at times, and a story I love. It is amazing. One tiny typo - the paragraph starting with ewe's should not have an apostrophe as you are just pluralizing ewes. There may be more, but I was so wrapped up in your story that I would not have noticed, I would give you a 7 if it existed!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Therese, Oh my, I am so, so humbled by your six-star review, I will correct your thoughtful edit suggestion. This helps my confidence build to continue.
One question, if I may, was the reading too long? I have not had to many reviews and am concerned it has too much content, thank you and Merry Christmas!
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No it?s not too long. Other people may be like me-if it is at night, I do not read the long ones because I?m too tired to get the full affect and give a good review. I read them in the morning or early afternoon. I just put one on called counting cars, and it?s longer. There were no reviews for the first four or five hours and I was concerned. Then I got one. I woke up this morning and I had 15. So do not despair. Tired readers are not good reviewers. And after I work at that nursing home all day, I am so tired I can?t even follow a TV program, never mind read something important!
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In addition, there?s not too much content. There was enough content to make me feel like I was growing up right where you were. And that is what you want people to feel. That?s why I try to write poetry from the heart, and not the type that seems mostly just to impress people.
Comment from JudyE
I see you have some very helpful comments and editing suggestions in the reviews which is great. I'll content myself to general comments this time around as I have limited data on the computer at the moment. I thought this was well written and I found it very engrossing. My husband has Irish connections, our son lives permanently in Ireland and your story matches with everything I've read about that period.
You might get more reviews if you were to post such long chapters in two 'bites' but that's up to you. I would certainly continue with your autobiography which kept me enthralled from start to finish. I found it quite fascinating. Looking forward to chapter 2.
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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I see you have some very helpful comments and editing suggestions in the reviews which is great. I'll content myself to general comments this time around as I have limited data on the computer at the moment. I thought this was well written and I found it very engrossing. My husband has Irish connections, our son lives permanently in Ireland and your story matches with everything I've read about that period.
You might get more reviews if you were to post such long chapters in two 'bites' but that's up to you. I would certainly continue with your autobiography which kept me enthralled from start to finish. I found it quite fascinating. Looking forward to chapter 2.
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 18-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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Judy you for the thoughts and encouragement to continue
Comment from RShipp
In the second paragraph there is a lot of changing conversations, and usually you would change paragraphs... But I actually like it the condensed way... but you did miss some capital letters.
The third paragraph excellently portrayed the anguish of farming! Words were well chosen!
"So, it was that Mam, along with six sheep and her trunk of "hand me downs"... exquisitely explained. Well done.
The comparisons of ewes with the birthing of child- very apt for that time. How old were you when your sister passed? I didn't get that from the story. I thought I would like to know? (My mom had 14 siblings. My dad had 12. Mom settled for seven.)
Your description of the foods was at great addition.
"he would farm us to the neighbors " ... I remember.
"Da would go into a funk for weeks about what he called taking relief" Men are weirdly wired creatures.
"a harrowing experience of my Da tossing me into the deep water and walking away. To this day, I don't think he cared whether I would have sunk or swum, but swam I did, and I have been a swimmer ever after." Another example of the weird wiring?
Your paragraph about the first days of school ... very well written. I could feel the freedom you must have felt.
Interesting about 'the cursed' left hand. My life, growing up, was much as you described- but me being in the US. Here, left-handedness was tried to be corrected... only in first grade. Then it stopped.
Yes... you should continue this. I enjoyed the read- and the memories that it brought forth from my past- greatly.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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In the second paragraph there is a lot of changing conversations, and usually you would change paragraphs... But I actually like it the condensed way... but you did miss some capital letters.
The third paragraph excellently portrayed the anguish of farming! Words were well chosen!
"So, it was that Mam, along with six sheep and her trunk of "hand me downs"... exquisitely explained. Well done.
The comparisons of ewes with the birthing of child- very apt for that time. How old were you when your sister passed? I didn't get that from the story. I thought I would like to know? (My mom had 14 siblings. My dad had 12. Mom settled for seven.)
Your description of the foods was at great addition.
"he would farm us to the neighbors " ... I remember.
"Da would go into a funk for weeks about what he called taking relief" Men are weirdly wired creatures.
"a harrowing experience of my Da tossing me into the deep water and walking away. To this day, I don't think he cared whether I would have sunk or swum, but swam I did, and I have been a swimmer ever after." Another example of the weird wiring?
Your paragraph about the first days of school ... very well written. I could feel the freedom you must have felt.
Interesting about 'the cursed' left hand. My life, growing up, was much as you described- but me being in the US. Here, left-handedness was tried to be corrected... only in first grade. Then it stopped.
Yes... you should continue this. I enjoyed the read- and the memories that it brought forth from my past- greatly.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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Thank you for your thorough feedback.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Jim. The first chapter to your autobiography is interesting with good scene setting and explanations of terms and customs. There are a few things I noticed.
If you paste your chapters into your post rather than type them in yourself, after you save the post it's a good idea to go back in to be sure gibberish doesn't appear, such as: T�?�¡ mo chro�?� istigh ionat
If you find gibberish, retype the sentence and hit the save button again.
Make a change here: Us (we) boys found quick use of twigs and branches
Another thing to watch for is repetition of the same word in close proximity. One example is in the first sentence:
"I suppose with every child, at some point in growing up, there is a seed planted to cultivate a child's (eliminate second 'child's' which is not needed) deep sense of belonging," or not."
Overly long sentences with excessive use of comma is another. Better to find a good place to put a period, then continue the thought in a shorter following sentence. Variation in pace is a good idea.
I can identify with your comments about life as a Catholic. Mine was similar. My sister also started out as a "lefty" and forced to use her right hand.
I think you should continue with your story. I'm sure other writers have made some comments on grammar and punctuation, but content is worthy.
Best to you, Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Hi Jim. The first chapter to your autobiography is interesting with good scene setting and explanations of terms and customs. There are a few things I noticed.
If you paste your chapters into your post rather than type them in yourself, after you save the post it's a good idea to go back in to be sure gibberish doesn't appear, such as: T�?�¡ mo chro�?� istigh ionat
If you find gibberish, retype the sentence and hit the save button again.
Make a change here: Us (we) boys found quick use of twigs and branches
Another thing to watch for is repetition of the same word in close proximity. One example is in the first sentence:
"I suppose with every child, at some point in growing up, there is a seed planted to cultivate a child's (eliminate second 'child's' which is not needed) deep sense of belonging," or not."
Overly long sentences with excessive use of comma is another. Better to find a good place to put a period, then continue the thought in a shorter following sentence. Variation in pace is a good idea.
I can identify with your comments about life as a Catholic. Mine was similar. My sister also started out as a "lefty" and forced to use her right hand.
I think you should continue with your story. I'm sure other writers have made some comments on grammar and punctuation, but content is worthy.
Best to you, Marilyn
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Marilyn, thank you for your wise counsel. I have and initiated and will continue to edits, per your suggestions. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I have never told my children....my story this is for them.
Comment from royowen
I was born in Liverpool, England, but in 1951 we migrated to Australia, things were tough in England, although dad worked hard, we lived with my maternal grandmother, a lot of Irish migrants came to Liverpool in the era of the potato famine, on their way to to other countries, but many stayed in Liverpool, it was known as the capital of Ireland back then, my dad was Welsh, mum English. Dad's father spoke welsh. Never met him. Beautifully written Jim, are you still a practicing catholic? Well done, good read. Blessings, Roy
Typo : We have enough sheep in (the) pen...
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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I was born in Liverpool, England, but in 1951 we migrated to Australia, things were tough in England, although dad worked hard, we lived with my maternal grandmother, a lot of Irish migrants came to Liverpool in the era of the potato famine, on their way to to other countries, but many stayed in Liverpool, it was known as the capital of Ireland back then, my dad was Welsh, mum English. Dad's father spoke welsh. Never met him. Beautifully written Jim, are you still a practicing catholic? Well done, good read. Blessings, Roy
Typo : We have enough sheep in (the) pen...
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Oh my, my mom and dad couldn't divorce in the 50's in Ireland, my mom took me and three of my siblings to America. Her father had expatriated in 1942 and sponsored her. I left the Church shortly after Vatican II. Thanks for the extra set of eyes.
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Well done
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this true story about your childhood years. I believe it would furnish material for a good book. My main question is if you felt any genuine love from your mother or father. It sounds like they were just surviving with their own issues. I wonder too how you viewed God as a result of your upbringing and especially the terrible practice of treating left-handed people like they were from Satan. Thanks for sharing and have a merry Christmas!
Bill
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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I enjoyed reading this true story about your childhood years. I believe it would furnish material for a good book. My main question is if you felt any genuine love from your mother or father. It sounds like they were just surviving with their own issues. I wonder too how you viewed God as a result of your upbringing and especially the terrible practice of treating left-handed people like they were from Satan. Thanks for sharing and have a merry Christmas!
Bill
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Bill great questions, we never get to choose our parents. God has been ever present in my life albeit, at times my very strained egoistic separations however gratefully, with a full measure of God's grace sprinkled across my pathways numerous times. I, for whatever reason, found God in my escapes to nature and it was in nature that I found a loving, caring and benevolent Christ figure that I was able to cleave to in absence of loving guiding parents.
Comment from LeannaP
My favorite line was, "I believe what happened on our farm and in our house, reflected what happened in the neighboring farms. "
Your story keeps getting better. Each line flowed smoothly.Easy read.
Nicely written
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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My favorite line was, "I believe what happened on our farm and in our house, reflected what happened in the neighboring farms. "
Your story keeps getting better. Each line flowed smoothly.Easy read.
Nicely written
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Leanna your review and comments are very validating, thank you for taking both the time and the effort to read and respond.
Comment from Sally Law
An outstanding start to your prose, J. This is so rich with details and life experiences. Many things were painful for me to read, so similar to my own life. I have posted many of my life's stories on FanStory and they are usually my most awarded and highest ranking. Those experiences formed me in to the person I am today. That includes the good and the bad, gains and losses. I see much promise here and you are on your way to be highly ranked in short stories or novels if you keep adding to this fine beginning chapter. I absolutely loved this. Brava!
Sending you my best today as always and blessings for Christmas,
Sally Law xo
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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An outstanding start to your prose, J. This is so rich with details and life experiences. Many things were painful for me to read, so similar to my own life. I have posted many of my life's stories on FanStory and they are usually my most awarded and highest ranking. Those experiences formed me in to the person I am today. That includes the good and the bad, gains and losses. I see much promise here and you are on your way to be highly ranked in short stories or novels if you keep adding to this fine beginning chapter. I absolutely loved this. Brava!
Sending you my best today as always and blessings for Christmas,
Sally Law xo
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Sally, first of all, thank you for your transparency. Secondly, for your affirmation that I should continue onward with this work. I have often said, "We never get to pick pour families". As my story will continue to unfold there will be as you so well said," that includes the good and the bad, gains and losses."
My message for you this holiday season is to relish the present moment, reflect with gratitude on life lessons, expect good things every day, and willing to take every day as it comes! Jim
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You are most welcome. I hope to see more in the new year. Richest Christmas blessings to you and yours,
Sal :))
