Monkey See Monkey Do
A contest entry15 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Okay, you convinced me I never want to go the Amazonian jungle! I had fire ant bites and I don't want to experience anything more painful. Great storytelling with a humorous ending!
Minor Comments:
Some even offered advise (advice) "advise" is the verb.
that out do Viagra (outdo)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
  |
Okay, you convinced me I never want to go the Amazonian jungle! I had fire ant bites and I don't want to experience anything more painful. Great storytelling with a humorous ending!
Minor Comments:
Some even offered advise (advice) "advise" is the verb.
that out do Viagra (outdo)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
-
Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, your great comments and suggested corrections, which I will do in a few minutes.
Comment from Mabaker
What a fantastic story, It kept my interest right to the very end. I watched a movie once where visitors left behind a Coke can and something similar occurred. Great visual descriptions, my personal opinion they can have it for me I think about the leeches! Great job Alie.
Whilst I was fussing over the plants and the lamp, Raymond and Mrs.Backer disappeared again. Tapping my foot I found it hard to contain myself, what was taking so long. A few minutes later they came back carrying Polystyrene boxes and under the elderly lady's tutelage, everything was packed so nothing would break.
Once on the road the cab was filled with 'Sorry' and 'You were saying?' Finally, I gave up and listened to Raymond rave about the appliance he called a 'jenny.'
'Anne, do you realise what I bought for a song?'
'As long as you didn't take advantage of her, I don't mind what a bargain it was.'
Noticing the lip beginning to droop, I claim my version of the fifth amendment, sleep deprivation, my excuse for my next outburst.
'Oh, stop acting hard done by Raymond 'We both did very well with bargains, leave it at that, or I'll slap you.'
I must have said the right thing because the remainder of the journey was, not sullen silent, but peaceful Sunday driving.
Arriving home I helped take my plants and groceries in first, then I laid some paper in the stove I heaped kindling wood and pieces of dead tree and lit the stove. Filling the kettle I pulled it into the centre.
Sorting the boxes of groceries, I began stacking the food cupboard while Mitten walked through the packets and boxes. Then he fought a heroic battle with an imaginary foe in a grocery bag.
Suddenly I could hear my name called. I hurried outside to see him dancing in the yard. He pointed upwards, and I looked to where his hand was and saw a light bulb shining. Yea! electricity. I ran over and hugged him, whispered 'Clever you.'
His grin was stretched about a yard across his face.
I stood in front of the machine. ' Thought generators were noisy? I said puzzled, this one is making no sound.'
'Apparently, her husband bought this brand for that very reason. Raymond replied, "it will run on a tank of petrol for seven hours. Of course, it depends on how many appliances you have running. Make your choice which rooms you want to light. There are six globes.
I will admit to a touch of nostalgia at dinnertime, as we ate our meal by 60 watt light, instead of candle power.
Each morning we applied the concealer which worked fine. It proved itself a champion for on the fourth day, Cliff drove up unannounced. Dogs bodies draped all over. Stepping out his eyes raked every surface,
'Howdy, folks. How are things. Anything new happened.'
Raymond told him all the gossip and our trip to Bundy and showed him the jenny. The older man was impressed.
'That was one good investment.'
Arriving at my copper and troughs he remarked he would help build a shed for them, no use paying good money for items and allowing the weather to ruin it.
I voiced an invitation to coffee, and we all trooped in to the kitchen. Cliff took note of every new item. Hearing him suck in air as he ogled my lamp.
'Oh, Anne how lovely, I haven't seen one as pretty as that, where did you get it.'
What made me lie I don't know, but I said, "Oh from a garage sale, its a copy, from China sadly, but I agree, it is cute.'
'Are you sure that is a replica? I'd be inclined to believe it to be genuine.'
I brushed him off by jabbering nonsense as I prepared coffee. Walking over to the stove he again praised Raymond for such a clever idea. And they reckon women stick together.
Mitten wandered out and Cliff eyed him off in disbelief.
'God what in heavens name are you feeding him.'
I tried a coy smile and murmured about,' special food from the Vet. ' I feel that was the end for Cliff, for a short while later he bade us farewell and left.
Looking at the sky I remarked, 'Will you dig some soil for me? I have seeds of silverbeet and tomatoes I would like to plant them before it rains which will do wonders.'
As is his habit, Raymond found his spade and dug where I indicated. Mitten and I went out and planted the seeds.
As if I had flipped a switch, around three, the rain started and continued all night. It was as we lay in bed listening to the gentle pounding, I remembered the young mum with the toddler, I told him what had occurred.
'Did you say anything to upset her?'
'I spoke no more than ten words all up. No, I got the impression she doesn't like company.'
We woke to a damp drizzly morning, that deteriorated into a soaking day with a noisy thunderstorm. An hour before lunch, it began raining in earnest and before teatime and nearly dark, I looked and the copper was full of rainwater.
Ten days later to my surprise I met the mother and toddler and again the scene replayed exactly.
Again, I again gave the boy a drink. Surprisingly he did very well. Once his mouth was around the top he took big swallows without misshape.
Also his mum didn't seem quite as frayed and gave a tentative smile. However, on the third trip, I got the first real surprise.
Both of us were working in the yard and saw a vehicle slowed at our gate, and a letter pushed into the mailbox. Upon retrieval, it was an invitation from the McGibbon bros. It appeared they had some items could be interested in.
At ten in the morning, we drove into town and straight to their shop, which was closed.
We strolled to the back and found them both men in the shed. Mal fixing an electrical item, his brother reading the racing page of the local paper. The scene was the same as last time, multiple handshaking and loud booming voices.
Until Mal stepped towards Raymond,
'Look, Raymond picked 'em up at a sale Tuesday. Course they aint new, but ...'
In front of Raymond were two items. One a stove and the other a refrigerator.
'Ok folks, what is the verdict, any good for you? And as they are old, with the fridge being kero, do the lot fer, oh, what fifty dollars fer the pair.'
'Yeah, they'd both be great but can I still buy power kero for the fridge. Plus, the wick, how much is in there.'
'Already checked all them worries out, Raymond. This here box 'o stuff came with 'em. Enough wick to last a lifetime, same with kero and glass.'
And, that's how come we owned a refrigerator and a proper cooker. It would still require wood to cook anything but this one had a bonus, it had an oven. While the men were talking I told Raymond I'd get a few items at the supermarket.,
To my surprise, the woman and the little boy were already there. It was in the fruit and vegetable aisle and this time there was no mistake she wished to talk.
'You don't live in town, do you? Oops. Sorry, my name is Pat and this is Ben.'
'Hi, Pat, and no we are a few miles out on a property. I'm Anne and my better half is Raymond. You live in town?'
'Yes, we rent a house a couple of streets up. IThough it is convenient it also poses a problem getting the lad ready, each time. I would rather put him to bed and have a snooze myself. But...'
I didn't ask her anything but fished out the small bottle of water for the little boy to drink. I was surprised to find he drained the bottle, with no drips.
'I smiled at him saying 'Clever boy Ben.' And without a word of a lie, I reckon a gurgle come up from somewhere.
'Anne, what is your favourite thing? I read when I can get a free moment. What's your farm like, do you have animals, any horses?'
The girl was almost raving, one thought racing after the one in front. I tried to keep up, but it was tough going. At that point she slowed right down, a small smile, one soft 'Goodbye' and pushing the stroller with a bit more intent. I called 'Bye' to her retreating back as I watched her leave, however, I don't think she was listening.
A small blat of the horn brought me back to reality. Raymond hopped out of the truck and began loading my bags,
'Ready?' He looked at me until I nodded and slid into the passenger seat.
'Okay, what's up. Is it the stove?'
'Stove, what stove. What ...Oh, that. no... no its nothing to do with that, its ...' I never finished the thought. I pulled myself together; 'Raymond, good Lord, I've made a total mess of everything ...'
I turned to face him whispering, 'Upon my soul, how much have I bungled.'
My face must have shown my dismay. Raymond pulled over to the edge and switched the motor off. 'Okay, what has you in a knot?'
'I've let the little boy drink the water.'
'You mean the damaged child? What, whoa, you mean from the well?'
I nodded, whispering, 'Each day I've met the lass and her toddler I've given him a drink from the bottle. Oh, my Aunt Nelly, the worst scenario is yet to come. Raymond, I'm afraid he is...is beginning to function. I heard a sound today when he drank the water. I could say it was just bodily noises, But I'm not convinced.'
'Anne, if as you suspect the water is correcting the little boy's disability, would that be a problem?'
'Not so much a problem, but what's it going to do to her. Her child, damaged since birth, suddenly he what? Talks, understand when he is spoken to, just the usual for a toddler his age?'
'Righto another way; go to her house take a plant or better yet a piece of your crochet as a gift and see if there are any changes. That way you will see them as soon as she does, how's that.'
He paused slapping a palm to his forehead, "Forgot, the lads will bring the stove and fridge out in the morning.'
Though the weather remained free of rain a nasty wind blew continuing into the next day. The truck arrived, and three hours of adjustment later the two wood burners were finally relocated.
A slab was fitted for the larger one in the kitchen. While the smaller had a slab but required a hole to be cut in the ceiling for its flue.
The icebox though old was clean and once it was filled with kero and the wick trimmed it did what was expected of it.
A few days after the rain I hurried to Raymond all excited, 'The plants are coming up.'
And so they were. Little pieces of green started sprouting where I planted them and knowing what the result would be if they had well water, I would balance it out with two drinks of rainwater to one from the well. And they thrived.
The interior of the house was almost complete. Apart from the broken windows, it had shaped up well. Being all Silky Oak timber Raymond had managed a fantastic job on the repairs to each room. Though I seemed always sweeping dust out of rooms.
One morning as I stood with my broom I complained to Raymond, 'Where does all this dirt come from? I'm sure I have swept this room before.'
Taking a look at the heap, he said, 'Have you seen a manhole'? Walking through the rooms we had no success. The bathroom revealed a rather puny little manhole. This prompted him to fetch a ladder and the torch and push the hatch up with a bang.
'No wonder you keep sweeping up sand, there would be twenty years of the stuff up here. Wait a second I'm coming down,'
Once on firm flooring he announced, 'We've a job ahead of us to clean all that out. Left it will continue to seep down. What have you that we can use to bag it? Old plastic grocery things bin liners'?'
I wandered out to the caravan. I thought I'd seen a roll of bin-liners, and sure enough, I found them under the sink. The roll had become somewhat unravelled and I wasted five minutes trying to roll them back together.
I picked up the bannister brush and pan, lugging it all back, to where Raymond stood on the ladder.
'This opening is no good as neither of us is small enough to wriggle in. I'll need the small saw. I will make a mess but I'll fix it after we clear out the dirt.'
True to his word he made a mess but when he finished the hole was adequate and I followed lugging the rolled plastic bin-liners. Stopping after three rungs I handed them to him while I continued up and through the hole.
Never having been in a roof cavity before, I stood looking around curiously. Until his voice startled me saying, 'Unless you wish to be up here indefinitely, lets get this mess out.'
His idea was fine but we soon found out it wasn't going to be easy. In fact impossible. After filling ten bags with dust and two dead mice, to our annoyance they wouldn't fit through the hole. If we were overly rough the plastic would split.
Four failed attempts later Raymond made a decision and disappeared back down the ladder.
The next moment he stepped onto the roof and I could see the outline of some light, and working quietly he removed the sheets of iron to create a space to work in.
'Anne you'd best come up here as it's going to be messy, and you'll begin to sneeze.'
Once I was out of the way Raymond began shovelling the sandy stuff out and throwing it over the side. As it was an large house, it took ages to clear the complete ceiling area.
As he worked Raymond continually moved the ladder, removed and replaced the sheets of roofing iron. Some had additional holes which made him tut in annoyance. I was sent down to collect his tool bag, which contained amongst other things a tube of adhesive.
I received the dubious promotion to 'hole filler' which after an hour almost wrecked my knees, but the roof was clear of dust and water-proofed.
To Be Continued
stors
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
 |
What a fantastic story, It kept my interest right to the very end. I watched a movie once where visitors left behind a Coke can and something similar occurred. Great visual descriptions, my personal opinion they can have it for me I think about the leeches! Great job Alie.
Whilst I was fussing over the plants and the lamp, Raymond and Mrs.Backer disappeared again. Tapping my foot I found it hard to contain myself, what was taking so long. A few minutes later they came back carrying Polystyrene boxes and under the elderly lady's tutelage, everything was packed so nothing would break.
Once on the road the cab was filled with 'Sorry' and 'You were saying?' Finally, I gave up and listened to Raymond rave about the appliance he called a 'jenny.'
'Anne, do you realise what I bought for a song?'
'As long as you didn't take advantage of her, I don't mind what a bargain it was.'
Noticing the lip beginning to droop, I claim my version of the fifth amendment, sleep deprivation, my excuse for my next outburst.
'Oh, stop acting hard done by Raymond 'We both did very well with bargains, leave it at that, or I'll slap you.'
I must have said the right thing because the remainder of the journey was, not sullen silent, but peaceful Sunday driving.
Arriving home I helped take my plants and groceries in first, then I laid some paper in the stove I heaped kindling wood and pieces of dead tree and lit the stove. Filling the kettle I pulled it into the centre.
Sorting the boxes of groceries, I began stacking the food cupboard while Mitten walked through the packets and boxes. Then he fought a heroic battle with an imaginary foe in a grocery bag.
Suddenly I could hear my name called. I hurried outside to see him dancing in the yard. He pointed upwards, and I looked to where his hand was and saw a light bulb shining. Yea! electricity. I ran over and hugged him, whispered 'Clever you.'
His grin was stretched about a yard across his face.
I stood in front of the machine. ' Thought generators were noisy? I said puzzled, this one is making no sound.'
'Apparently, her husband bought this brand for that very reason. Raymond replied, "it will run on a tank of petrol for seven hours. Of course, it depends on how many appliances you have running. Make your choice which rooms you want to light. There are six globes.
I will admit to a touch of nostalgia at dinnertime, as we ate our meal by 60 watt light, instead of candle power.
Each morning we applied the concealer which worked fine. It proved itself a champion for on the fourth day, Cliff drove up unannounced. Dogs bodies draped all over. Stepping out his eyes raked every surface,
'Howdy, folks. How are things. Anything new happened.'
Raymond told him all the gossip and our trip to Bundy and showed him the jenny. The older man was impressed.
'That was one good investment.'
Arriving at my copper and troughs he remarked he would help build a shed for them, no use paying good money for items and allowing the weather to ruin it.
I voiced an invitation to coffee, and we all trooped in to the kitchen. Cliff took note of every new item. Hearing him suck in air as he ogled my lamp.
'Oh, Anne how lovely, I haven't seen one as pretty as that, where did you get it.'
What made me lie I don't know, but I said, "Oh from a garage sale, its a copy, from China sadly, but I agree, it is cute.'
'Are you sure that is a replica? I'd be inclined to believe it to be genuine.'
I brushed him off by jabbering nonsense as I prepared coffee. Walking over to the stove he again praised Raymond for such a clever idea. And they reckon women stick together.
Mitten wandered out and Cliff eyed him off in disbelief.
'God what in heavens name are you feeding him.'
I tried a coy smile and murmured about,' special food from the Vet. ' I feel that was the end for Cliff, for a short while later he bade us farewell and left.
Looking at the sky I remarked, 'Will you dig some soil for me? I have seeds of silverbeet and tomatoes I would like to plant them before it rains which will do wonders.'
As is his habit, Raymond found his spade and dug where I indicated. Mitten and I went out and planted the seeds.
As if I had flipped a switch, around three, the rain started and continued all night. It was as we lay in bed listening to the gentle pounding, I remembered the young mum with the toddler, I told him what had occurred.
'Did you say anything to upset her?'
'I spoke no more than ten words all up. No, I got the impression she doesn't like company.'
We woke to a damp drizzly morning, that deteriorated into a soaking day with a noisy thunderstorm. An hour before lunch, it began raining in earnest and before teatime and nearly dark, I looked and the copper was full of rainwater.
Ten days later to my surprise I met the mother and toddler and again the scene replayed exactly.
Again, I again gave the boy a drink. Surprisingly he did very well. Once his mouth was around the top he took big swallows without misshape.
Also his mum didn't seem quite as frayed and gave a tentative smile. However, on the third trip, I got the first real surprise.
Both of us were working in the yard and saw a vehicle slowed at our gate, and a letter pushed into the mailbox. Upon retrieval, it was an invitation from the McGibbon bros. It appeared they had some items could be interested in.
At ten in the morning, we drove into town and straight to their shop, which was closed.
We strolled to the back and found them both men in the shed. Mal fixing an electrical item, his brother reading the racing page of the local paper. The scene was the same as last time, multiple handshaking and loud booming voices.
Until Mal stepped towards Raymond,
'Look, Raymond picked 'em up at a sale Tuesday. Course they aint new, but ...'
In front of Raymond were two items. One a stove and the other a refrigerator.
'Ok folks, what is the verdict, any good for you? And as they are old, with the fridge being kero, do the lot fer, oh, what fifty dollars fer the pair.'
'Yeah, they'd both be great but can I still buy power kero for the fridge. Plus, the wick, how much is in there.'
'Already checked all them worries out, Raymond. This here box 'o stuff came with 'em. Enough wick to last a lifetime, same with kero and glass.'
And, that's how come we owned a refrigerator and a proper cooker. It would still require wood to cook anything but this one had a bonus, it had an oven. While the men were talking I told Raymond I'd get a few items at the supermarket.,
To my surprise, the woman and the little boy were already there. It was in the fruit and vegetable aisle and this time there was no mistake she wished to talk.
'You don't live in town, do you? Oops. Sorry, my name is Pat and this is Ben.'
'Hi, Pat, and no we are a few miles out on a property. I'm Anne and my better half is Raymond. You live in town?'
'Yes, we rent a house a couple of streets up. IThough it is convenient it also poses a problem getting the lad ready, each time. I would rather put him to bed and have a snooze myself. But...'
I didn't ask her anything but fished out the small bottle of water for the little boy to drink. I was surprised to find he drained the bottle, with no drips.
'I smiled at him saying 'Clever boy Ben.' And without a word of a lie, I reckon a gurgle come up from somewhere.
'Anne, what is your favourite thing? I read when I can get a free moment. What's your farm like, do you have animals, any horses?'
The girl was almost raving, one thought racing after the one in front. I tried to keep up, but it was tough going. At that point she slowed right down, a small smile, one soft 'Goodbye' and pushing the stroller with a bit more intent. I called 'Bye' to her retreating back as I watched her leave, however, I don't think she was listening.
A small blat of the horn brought me back to reality. Raymond hopped out of the truck and began loading my bags,
'Ready?' He looked at me until I nodded and slid into the passenger seat.
'Okay, what's up. Is it the stove?'
'Stove, what stove. What ...Oh, that. no... no its nothing to do with that, its ...' I never finished the thought. I pulled myself together; 'Raymond, good Lord, I've made a total mess of everything ...'
I turned to face him whispering, 'Upon my soul, how much have I bungled.'
My face must have shown my dismay. Raymond pulled over to the edge and switched the motor off. 'Okay, what has you in a knot?'
'I've let the little boy drink the water.'
'You mean the damaged child? What, whoa, you mean from the well?'
I nodded, whispering, 'Each day I've met the lass and her toddler I've given him a drink from the bottle. Oh, my Aunt Nelly, the worst scenario is yet to come. Raymond, I'm afraid he is...is beginning to function. I heard a sound today when he drank the water. I could say it was just bodily noises, But I'm not convinced.'
'Anne, if as you suspect the water is correcting the little boy's disability, would that be a problem?'
'Not so much a problem, but what's it going to do to her. Her child, damaged since birth, suddenly he what? Talks, understand when he is spoken to, just the usual for a toddler his age?'
'Righto another way; go to her house take a plant or better yet a piece of your crochet as a gift and see if there are any changes. That way you will see them as soon as she does, how's that.'
He paused slapping a palm to his forehead, "Forgot, the lads will bring the stove and fridge out in the morning.'
Though the weather remained free of rain a nasty wind blew continuing into the next day. The truck arrived, and three hours of adjustment later the two wood burners were finally relocated.
A slab was fitted for the larger one in the kitchen. While the smaller had a slab but required a hole to be cut in the ceiling for its flue.
The icebox though old was clean and once it was filled with kero and the wick trimmed it did what was expected of it.
A few days after the rain I hurried to Raymond all excited, 'The plants are coming up.'
And so they were. Little pieces of green started sprouting where I planted them and knowing what the result would be if they had well water, I would balance it out with two drinks of rainwater to one from the well. And they thrived.
The interior of the house was almost complete. Apart from the broken windows, it had shaped up well. Being all Silky Oak timber Raymond had managed a fantastic job on the repairs to each room. Though I seemed always sweeping dust out of rooms.
One morning as I stood with my broom I complained to Raymond, 'Where does all this dirt come from? I'm sure I have swept this room before.'
Taking a look at the heap, he said, 'Have you seen a manhole'? Walking through the rooms we had no success. The bathroom revealed a rather puny little manhole. This prompted him to fetch a ladder and the torch and push the hatch up with a bang.
'No wonder you keep sweeping up sand, there would be twenty years of the stuff up here. Wait a second I'm coming down,'
Once on firm flooring he announced, 'We've a job ahead of us to clean all that out. Left it will continue to seep down. What have you that we can use to bag it? Old plastic grocery things bin liners'?'
I wandered out to the caravan. I thought I'd seen a roll of bin-liners, and sure enough, I found them under the sink. The roll had become somewhat unravelled and I wasted five minutes trying to roll them back together.
I picked up the bannister brush and pan, lugging it all back, to where Raymond stood on the ladder.
'This opening is no good as neither of us is small enough to wriggle in. I'll need the small saw. I will make a mess but I'll fix it after we clear out the dirt.'
True to his word he made a mess but when he finished the hole was adequate and I followed lugging the rolled plastic bin-liners. Stopping after three rungs I handed them to him while I continued up and through the hole.
Never having been in a roof cavity before, I stood looking around curiously. Until his voice startled me saying, 'Unless you wish to be up here indefinitely, lets get this mess out.'
His idea was fine but we soon found out it wasn't going to be easy. In fact impossible. After filling ten bags with dust and two dead mice, to our annoyance they wouldn't fit through the hole. If we were overly rough the plastic would split.
Four failed attempts later Raymond made a decision and disappeared back down the ladder.
The next moment he stepped onto the roof and I could see the outline of some light, and working quietly he removed the sheets of iron to create a space to work in.
'Anne you'd best come up here as it's going to be messy, and you'll begin to sneeze.'
Once I was out of the way Raymond began shovelling the sandy stuff out and throwing it over the side. As it was an large house, it took ages to clear the complete ceiling area.
As he worked Raymond continually moved the ladder, removed and replaced the sheets of roofing iron. Some had additional holes which made him tut in annoyance. I was sent down to collect his tool bag, which contained amongst other things a tube of adhesive.
I received the dubious promotion to 'hole filler' which after an hour almost wrecked my knees, but the roof was clear of dust and water-proofed.
To Be Continued
stors
Comment Written 19-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
-
Thank you. for reviewing Anne and your great comments and corrections. Very enjoyable. Luv u Alie
Comment from Y. M. Roger
LOL!! :) Oh, my dear Lady Alie -- you have the imagination of a novelist!! ;) :) This was wonderful: got to go deep into the rain forest amidst all sorts of awful dangers -- yeah, don't think I'll EVER be doing that for real! -- only to find a sock monkey!! ;) :) Okay, sooooo, I did NOT see that coming!! ;) :) A fun offering that is definitely shorter than mine (mine was a Western... ick!) so will probably do better just cuz you hold their attention better!! :) Thanx so much for sharing and Good Luck! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
|
LOL!! :) Oh, my dear Lady Alie -- you have the imagination of a novelist!! ;) :) This was wonderful: got to go deep into the rain forest amidst all sorts of awful dangers -- yeah, don't think I'll EVER be doing that for real! -- only to find a sock monkey!! ;) :) Okay, sooooo, I did NOT see that coming!! ;) :) A fun offering that is definitely shorter than mine (mine was a Western... ick!) so will probably do better just cuz you hold their attention better!! :) Thanx so much for sharing and Good Luck! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 18-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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Awww yours was great and will probably win or at least get an honorable mention. When I got 'stuffed monkey' the only thing I could envision was a stuffed sock monkey lol, so I went with it. Thank you so much for reviewing and your great comments and wishes, Yvette.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Fascinating bit of fiction that reads like non-fiction in its amazing detail. This took a lot of research, and you did an awesome job putting it together. Good luck in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
|
Fascinating bit of fiction that reads like non-fiction in its amazing detail. This took a lot of research, and you did an awesome job putting it together. Good luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2019
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Thank you Phyllis for reviewing and your kind comments and wishes.
Comment from poetwatch
Well Alie you really outdid yourself with this story about a stuffed monkey. :) For a while I thought that it was a true story. It's not right? :) I liked the flow of it and all the information you wrote into your story. This is a good entry for the Object or Desire contest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
|
Well Alie you really outdid yourself with this story about a stuffed monkey. :) For a while I thought that it was a true story. It's not right? :) I liked the flow of it and all the information you wrote into your story. This is a good entry for the Object or Desire contest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Thank you Jose for reviewing, no it is not a true story, just another figment of my vivid imagination. I am so glad you liked it and thanks for the good wishes.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
So we have two stuffed monkey/spiritual stories, as different as can be. I wonder why they felt the stocking monkey was the object they should worship, and how long ago it had been?
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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So we have two stuffed monkey/spiritual stories, as different as can be. I wonder why they felt the stocking monkey was the object they should worship, and how long ago it had been?
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for reviewing and your great comments. Wow I did not know there were two stories, mmmm.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Pantygynt
Long ago I came to the conclusion that man created god (lower case g intentional here) in his image or in any image that suited him really. The 'god'. The idol or image or fetish -- call it what you like -- was an emblem around which a whole range of myths could be woven in an attempt to explain the inexplicable. This story, interesting as it is serves to convince me even more that I am right.
This does not mean that there is no God, merely that since God does not manifest himself among us we have to make do with emblems.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
|
Long ago I came to the conclusion that man created god (lower case g intentional here) in his image or in any image that suited him really. The 'god'. The idol or image or fetish -- call it what you like -- was an emblem around which a whole range of myths could be woven in an attempt to explain the inexplicable. This story, interesting as it is serves to convince me even more that I am right.
This does not mean that there is no God, merely that since God does not manifest himself among us we have to make do with emblems.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
-
An amazing take on God vs god J. Thank you for reviewing and your great response.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This was quite an interesting story. The best part to me was all of the preparation, what to do and not to do. The list of potential danger was quite large. I think that the end was quite a surprise. I guess that it shouldn't have been though. I would wager that among isolated and primitive tribes, this happens quite often. Someone leaving a stuffed monkey behind I guess is no more unusual than considering something like a statue a deity. Both have been made by human hands. Thanks for sharing this interesting and well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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This was quite an interesting story. The best part to me was all of the preparation, what to do and not to do. The list of potential danger was quite large. I think that the end was quite a surprise. I guess that it shouldn't have been though. I would wager that among isolated and primitive tribes, this happens quite often. Someone leaving a stuffed monkey behind I guess is no more unusual than considering something like a statue a deity. Both have been made by human hands. Thanks for sharing this interesting and well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Thank you Jeffrey for reviewing and your great comments.
Comment from J.T. Blossom
I wonder why each religion's "graven images" weren't mentioned, only the kosher pot? There is such an effort at inclusivity otherwise. Also, the tribe feeding the monkeys first is a good idea, but why the disgusting gruel? Why not something delicious? Another question: all the hard effort and long hiking make me wonder how anyone prior to their expedition would ever bother packing a sock monkey. Also, why all the emphasis on the dangers of the jungle (and hence, nature)? What about beauty? How did the tribe benefit from having the monkeys live with them? Surely it's not all just because they were stupid about the origin of their belief? This is a diamond in the rough, well worth polishing, but maybe you have to decide if it is a parable or a memoir-like short story. A few technical tips: homonym spelling: advice vs. advise; when you use one as a pronoun be consistent and don't match it with you. Finally, the line, "They were also curious..." refers to the monkeys or the tribespeople? It might be worth using a noun in the subject instead of the pronoun, they. It may seem like I am picking on this story, but I really liked it. So many things to think about, not the least of which is the wealth of the protagonist. Keep up the great writing. You are doing important work at bringing human thought back down to the reality of our tenuous and neglected relationship with nature.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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I wonder why each religion's "graven images" weren't mentioned, only the kosher pot? There is such an effort at inclusivity otherwise. Also, the tribe feeding the monkeys first is a good idea, but why the disgusting gruel? Why not something delicious? Another question: all the hard effort and long hiking make me wonder how anyone prior to their expedition would ever bother packing a sock monkey. Also, why all the emphasis on the dangers of the jungle (and hence, nature)? What about beauty? How did the tribe benefit from having the monkeys live with them? Surely it's not all just because they were stupid about the origin of their belief? This is a diamond in the rough, well worth polishing, but maybe you have to decide if it is a parable or a memoir-like short story. A few technical tips: homonym spelling: advice vs. advise; when you use one as a pronoun be consistent and don't match it with you. Finally, the line, "They were also curious..." refers to the monkeys or the tribespeople? It might be worth using a noun in the subject instead of the pronoun, they. It may seem like I am picking on this story, but I really liked it. So many things to think about, not the least of which is the wealth of the protagonist. Keep up the great writing. You are doing important work at bringing human thought back down to the reality of our tenuous and neglected relationship with nature.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Thank you J.T. for reviewing and for your great comments. I am sad that it did not meet your expectations.
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I am sad that you are sad! Please try not to be sad. The story has so much going for it, probably like all your stories do (and will). You have great ideas and important work to do. I'm serious about that. I'm a lifelong English teacher and an intense lover of nature. Much of the time on this site writers just want accolades so they can feel good about making a first-draft effort. Judging by the serious subject matter you take on in your story, you seem to be aiming higher. I sense that you have something special and important to say both philosophically and artistically, so I spent more time giving you specific feedback. I have four books on Amazon, three of which have won awards, and it still makes me sad to be criticized by readers, so I know how you feel. I learn from each bad review, though, at least the ones that give specific feedback. My critics are not always correct, and I have the right to choose what advice to follow because I am the writer, and at first I just felt angry at them, but once I figured out that it is impossible to please everybody, I started being more open to feedback from all sorts of people. Being a writer is hard by definition because one's sensitivity to life is what makes you want to write and share your vision, but that same sensitivity can make you suffer greatly once your work is out there in the world. When I have a story that is on the verge of being good but isn't yet resonating with others I play the game of telling the same story to myself from the perspective of another character. In your case, what would this story be like if told from the point of view of the rainforest? Of the sock puppet? Of each of the character's religions? Don't change the story radically by doing this; just use the exercise to enrich your original story and make the thematic and character arcs clearer when you revise. I sincerely hope this helps, and please don't give up, or let your critics, including me, get you down! Please believe me. I admire you and am totally on your side. We need more people like you to remind readers of natural laws and connections, especially people who have lost their sense of awe and questioning by becoming all in their heads about religious dogma. Our future depends on raising these awarenesses about re-energizing a humble sensitivity to the mystery and majesty of our planetary life, and writers and artists like you, in my opinion, are really the only ones with any chance of doing that successfully.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
hahaha Do you mean a SOCK MONKEY??? I love it! That is pretty amazing. I love it, love it, love it! This is really fun!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) The Catholic Priest, an interested Buddhist practitioner, a Wiccan couple and a few Protestants from the Methodist, Baptist and three followers of the Latter Day Saints, and a Jewish couple. (a bit garbled and hard to read? - suggest:)
--> The group was comprised of a Catholic Priest, one Buddhist, a Wiccan couple, some Methodists, Baptists, three followers of the Latter Day Saints, and one Jewish couple.
2.) which were venomous and not only cause(d) intense pain but
3.) Otherwise, the journey should be easy pe(a)sy.
4.) almost a week for them to feel comfortable (enough to) approach us and then a couple of more days
Really great interpretation of the challenges given to you - very creative and smart. I think you did awesome! Good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Alie,
hahaha Do you mean a SOCK MONKEY??? I love it! That is pretty amazing. I love it, love it, love it! This is really fun!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) The Catholic Priest, an interested Buddhist practitioner, a Wiccan couple and a few Protestants from the Methodist, Baptist and three followers of the Latter Day Saints, and a Jewish couple. (a bit garbled and hard to read? - suggest:)
--> The group was comprised of a Catholic Priest, one Buddhist, a Wiccan couple, some Methodists, Baptists, three followers of the Latter Day Saints, and one Jewish couple.
2.) which were venomous and not only cause(d) intense pain but
3.) Otherwise, the journey should be easy pe(a)sy.
4.) almost a week for them to feel comfortable (enough to) approach us and then a couple of more days
Really great interpretation of the challenges given to you - very creative and smart. I think you did awesome! Good luck!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much Robyn for reviewing and your great comments and suggestions, which I will fix in a moment. And your wishes are greatly appreciated.
