St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "St. Louis Chapter 18 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
17 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara, thank you for another good chapter, it was well-written and engaging as always. Your character and dialogue are great, and the tension (attraction) between the two is getting thick. Can't wait to read more. Good job!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Hello Barbara, thank you for another good chapter, it was well-written and engaging as always. Your character and dialogue are great, and the tension (attraction) between the two is getting thick. Can't wait to read more. Good job!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Thank you, again, for the encouragement.
Comment from BlueTiger
Great job on this chapter. The story flows well, and the characters are well-described. My only suggestion would be to blend what the characters are doing with what they're saying a little more, such as in this sentence:
McKenzie turned toward the den. "I want to make a copy of this. There's other numbers she called often. I want to check them out."
"I want to make a copy of this," McKenzie said as she turned towards the den, "There's other numbers she called often. I want to check them out."
Good work, looking forward to the next chapter.
-BT
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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Great job on this chapter. The story flows well, and the characters are well-described. My only suggestion would be to blend what the characters are doing with what they're saying a little more, such as in this sentence:
McKenzie turned toward the den. "I want to make a copy of this. There's other numbers she called often. I want to check them out."
"I want to make a copy of this," McKenzie said as she turned towards the den, "There's other numbers she called often. I want to check them out."
Good work, looking forward to the next chapter.
-BT
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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I will look at them but I continually got gigged for NOT putting the action up front. I used to embed it like you suggested and got into trouble for it.
Comment from tfawcus
Getting these phone records seems to be a major breakthrough in the investigations. It will be interesting to see where they lead.
The relationship between Mac and Logan is getting a little easier. They are now able to acknowledge that they like each other. LOL
Just a couple of spags near the start:
When he said he'd be home by early afternoon[. S]he covered the phone and turned toward Logan [comma instead of period]
Logan waited for her to continue[, w]hen she didn't he said, "Yes, we can drop by his house." [period instead of comma]
In your author notes, you've omitted to say what the Fan name is:
Fan name for the St. Louis Cardinals - a major league
baseball team.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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Getting these phone records seems to be a major breakthrough in the investigations. It will be interesting to see where they lead.
The relationship between Mac and Logan is getting a little easier. They are now able to acknowledge that they like each other. LOL
Just a couple of spags near the start:
When he said he'd be home by early afternoon[. S]he covered the phone and turned toward Logan [comma instead of period]
Logan waited for her to continue[, w]hen she didn't he said, "Yes, we can drop by his house." [period instead of comma]
In your author notes, you've omitted to say what the Fan name is:
Fan name for the St. Louis Cardinals - a major league
baseball team.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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I have fixed all the mistakes. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written interesting story. Your characters and their dialogue seemed real, believable. I could feel the closeness, fondness of the couple throughout and a tension at the end. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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This is a very well-written interesting story. Your characters and their dialogue seemed real, believable. I could feel the closeness, fondness of the couple throughout and a tension at the end. Nicely done.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
With desktop computers, the internet and Google it has become much easier to gather information. Without leaving your house, yo can amass oaf world of information. This is an interesting story.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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With desktop computers, the internet and Google it has become much easier to gather information. Without leaving your house, yo can amass oaf world of information. This is an interesting story.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind reveiw.
Comment from judiverse
At last they have Megan's phone records, so that should be a help. Interesting that she called Sidney several times, but it was his work number. They don't want to tip him off by questioning him, which makes sense. There still hasn't been anything on the autopsy report. I'll be interested to find out who the father of her child was, if she was pregnant. That might have led to the murder. Jake's out of the hospital, and maybe when they see him he can contribute something to the investigation. Great work. judi
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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At last they have Megan's phone records, so that should be a help. Interesting that she called Sidney several times, but it was his work number. They don't want to tip him off by questioning him, which makes sense. There still hasn't been anything on the autopsy report. I'll be interested to find out who the father of her child was, if she was pregnant. That might have led to the murder. Jake's out of the hospital, and maybe when they see him he can contribute something to the investigation. Great work. judi
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. I'm so anxious to learn who the murderer is. judi
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Ohh, nearly had a situation there!! lol. This is going well, we have the phone records, Mac and Logan are checking them out. I bet the killer is one of them. They still have lots to do, though. Well done, Barbara. Excellent chapter. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Ohh, nearly had a situation there!! lol. This is going well, we have the phone records, Mac and Logan are checking them out. I bet the killer is one of them. They still have lots to do, though. Well done, Barbara. Excellent chapter. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from LeannaP
"Just wanted to make sure you're safe."
I loved this line. You write in a way that is very captivating.
I loved how the lines ran smoothly, and the story held my attention.
How I would love for my significant other to ensure of my safety.
This was a lovey read.
Thank you for sharing!
Nice one!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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"Just wanted to make sure you're safe."
I loved this line. You write in a way that is very captivating.
I loved how the lines ran smoothly, and the story held my attention.
How I would love for my significant other to ensure of my safety.
This was a lovey read.
Thank you for sharing!
Nice one!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
She gulped. Yep, she's hooked. But this is hardly a time to start a romance. They have to find Megan's murderer. They can't afford to be distracted, especially with Mac in danger. Might be the killer thinking she's getting too close.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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She gulped. Yep, she's hooked. But this is hardly a time to start a romance. They have to find Megan's murderer. They can't afford to be distracted, especially with Mac in danger. Might be the killer thinking she's getting too close.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. We'll wait and see.
Comment from Ben Colder
UH OH, the eye contact! These kids are looking for the killer turning up every nook and corner until they are about to turn up more than they bargain for. Good one Barb.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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UH OH, the eye contact! These kids are looking for the killer turning up every nook and corner until they are about to turn up more than they bargain for. Good one Barb.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind reveiw. I went to check out your post yesterday but it had been pulled.
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I never did the thing like it should be and become disappointed at self. Thanks for wishing to read it.
