Don't Touch Me!
For Potlatch Poetry31 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, and let this me a sound warning to anyone who dare have the audacity to throw you in the water. I think it's a terrible practice myself and wonder where the impulse arises.
This reads like a charm. Your feminine endings work very well, and even with just two rhymes and repeating lines it all seems remarkably natural.
Great job, Yvonne. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Ha, and let this me a sound warning to anyone who dare have the audacity to throw you in the water. I think it's a terrible practice myself and wonder where the impulse arises.
This reads like a charm. Your feminine endings work very well, and even with just two rhymes and repeating lines it all seems remarkably natural.
Great job, Yvonne. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you. I found I rather liked working with feminine endings. Okay. It's your turn. 8-)
Comment from Cindy Warren
I promise not to throw you in. LOL I don't like water either, unless it's warm and in a bathtub. This particular form looks like a challenge to write. I'll have to try it one day, when I'm done with the dragons.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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I promise not to throw you in. LOL I don't like water either, unless it's warm and in a bathtub. This particular form looks like a challenge to write. I'll have to try it one day, when I'm done with the dragons.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for reviewing and for promising not to throw me in. lol. Don't be done with the dragons. I'm betting they could have many more adventures.
Comment from June Sargent
You certainly made it look easy when you met this particular challenge! I love the humor in the piece. I don't think I can tackle this one myself. But kudos to you!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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You certainly made it look easy when you met this particular challenge! I love the humor in the piece. I don't think I can tackle this one myself. But kudos to you!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much, June. You should try one. I know you can write a good one.
Comment from judiverse
Great job with your format. It looks difficult to pull off, but you did. I am with the narrator. It wouldn't be fun to get pushed or thrown into the water. It sounds like she will had fun getting her revenge. I like your use of submersion, aversion, emersion, etc. The narrator's feelings come across very clearly. Very creative. judi
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Great job with your format. It looks difficult to pull off, but you did. I am with the narrator. It wouldn't be fun to get pushed or thrown into the water. It sounds like she will had fun getting her revenge. I like your use of submersion, aversion, emersion, etc. The narrator's feelings come across very clearly. Very creative. judi
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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I'm so glad to hear you say that it worked well. whew! Yes, years ago, nearly every year some jerk would push me in. I learned how to scare them off. lol
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Cute little rondeau with an original subject. I really enjoy the optimistic line of your fear to immersion "As breath returns to me, it's time to greet
the one who threw me in. He'd best retreat,
for when I'm through, he'll be a brand new version
of what he was before - I'll be discreet.
I have a fear."
Than you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Cute little rondeau with an original subject. I really enjoy the optimistic line of your fear to immersion "As breath returns to me, it's time to greet
the one who threw me in. He'd best retreat,
for when I'm through, he'll be a brand new version
of what he was before - I'll be discreet.
I have a fear."
Than you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Years ago, there was always some jerk who thought it was fun to throw me in the water. I love being around and in the water, just not thrown in. Thank you for a great review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is AWESOME, Yvonne! You did a fantastic job with a complex style. Your rhyming words fit in naturally. They are great choices for this poem AND they are difficult words to work with, too. You adhered nicely to the rules. Your feminine endings work wonderfully. Your them of this poem is well-expressed. I agree that no one should push anyone in the water ever. I remember a few years back that happened at a party, and one woman was paralyzed as a result. She and the one who pushed her remained friends, though. Your picture choice is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. I do not believe I have read a rondeau redouble done as well as this one. I'm proud of you! Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with love, Jan
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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This is AWESOME, Yvonne! You did a fantastic job with a complex style. Your rhyming words fit in naturally. They are great choices for this poem AND they are difficult words to work with, too. You adhered nicely to the rules. Your feminine endings work wonderfully. Your them of this poem is well-expressed. I agree that no one should push anyone in the water ever. I remember a few years back that happened at a party, and one woman was paralyzed as a result. She and the one who pushed her remained friends, though. Your picture choice is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. I do not believe I have read a rondeau redouble done as well as this one. I'm proud of you! Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with love, Jan
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Wow! Is my head huge now. hahaha. Thank you for this truly awesome review. You are my rock. Thank you for the good job you do with the club, too.
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! That's quite a feat! This rondeau redouble looks very difficult and you did a super job with it. It's bouncy, humorous and full of interesting -sion rhymes!!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Wow! That's quite a feat! This rondeau redouble looks very difficult and you did a super job with it. It's bouncy, humorous and full of interesting -sion rhymes!!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you. It wasn't so hard once I got started. I just chose the wrong words to work with, and then I was too stubborn to give up. lol
Comment from Therese Caron
What an interesting and fun poem to read. Your words flow wonderfully, and the rhyme pattern is very interesting. I am a very good swimmer, but I have to admit that I too hate to be thrown into the water. This makes me one of the people who finds a lot of humor in this poem! The image you have added is great. This is a wonderful rondeau poem.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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What an interesting and fun poem to read. Your words flow wonderfully, and the rhyme pattern is very interesting. I am a very good swimmer, but I have to admit that I too hate to be thrown into the water. This makes me one of the people who finds a lot of humor in this poem! The image you have added is great. This is a wonderful rondeau poem.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you for this wonderful review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Rondeau redouble about being pushed into the water by someone else is not always be joke for the one who got pushed. You seem to have the same version as Jan. She probably upload the rules after the announcement.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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A very well-written Rondeau redouble about being pushed into the water by someone else is not always be joke for the one who got pushed. You seem to have the same version as Jan. She probably upload the rules after the announcement.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Do I? I haven't seen hers yet. I've not been on FS much today. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Daniel Dalke
This is a really good effort in this rather restrictive format. You get your point across in a humorous manner, while adhering to the format constraints. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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This is a really good effort in this rather restrictive format. You get your point across in a humorous manner, while adhering to the format constraints. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much.
