Don't Touch Me!
For Potlatch Poetry31 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You could have written this about me Yvonne. Great job with your Rondeau Redouble (sorry to say I've given up after busting my brain for days). Those that do this don't realise how much the fear stays, mine has stayed all my years. Great rhyming especially with the aversion/immersion etc, well done,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2019
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You could have written this about me Yvonne. Great job with your Rondeau Redouble (sorry to say I've given up after busting my brain for days). Those that do this don't realise how much the fear stays, mine has stayed all my years. Great rhyming especially with the aversion/immersion etc, well done,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 13-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2019
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Thank you. I still love being around, in, and on the water, but I stay away from jerks who think it's funny to throw me in. It hasn't happened in years, but I finally learned how to scare them off. I told one that if he came any nearer, when I was through with him, his own mother wouldn't recognize him. lol.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This poem is both serious and funny, because that is often what happens when people have to face a fear or describe a fear. I guess that repeated line takes on the function of a refrain. I laughed at work when I got to these lines:
He'd best retreat,
for when I'm through, he'll be a brand new version
of what he was before - I'll be discreet.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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This poem is both serious and funny, because that is often what happens when people have to face a fear or describe a fear. I guess that repeated line takes on the function of a refrain. I laughed at work when I got to these lines:
He'd best retreat,
for when I'm through, he'll be a brand new version
of what he was before - I'll be discreet.
Nice job.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
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I'm glad it made you laugh. I told him if he came any closer, his mother wouldn't recognize him when I was through. lol.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Yvonne. I will not attempt to comment on the structure or style of the writing. I know nothing about that, and never will. I would just say that I have been thrown in the water before and I didn't like it either. Robert
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Hello Yvonne. I will not attempt to comment on the structure or style of the writing. I know nothing about that, and never will. I would just say that I have been thrown in the water before and I didn't like it either. Robert
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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It's not funny at all. Thanks, Robert.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh my goodness, yes!! You can play your little jokes and such but DO NOT throw me in the water.... a drowning rat's got nothin' on my appearance, but Speedy Gonzales' got nothing on my feet (and we won't go into the words that may pass my lips before I'm done!)... ;) A beautiful offering that I will not ever attempt to mirror the form: you, as I have said in the past, are the poet in this cyber-relationship....I just enjoy writing and rhyming a bit! ;) The amazing thing here, Yvonne, is that you've given the simple fact of not liking to be thrown in a wonderful 'old world' charm that I would have heretofore thought impossible!! ;) Simply remarkable, my lady! :) Thanx so much for sharing that wonderful pen with us all.... and stay away from pools! LOL! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Oh my goodness, yes!! You can play your little jokes and such but DO NOT throw me in the water.... a drowning rat's got nothin' on my appearance, but Speedy Gonzales' got nothing on my feet (and we won't go into the words that may pass my lips before I'm done!)... ;) A beautiful offering that I will not ever attempt to mirror the form: you, as I have said in the past, are the poet in this cyber-relationship....I just enjoy writing and rhyming a bit! ;) The amazing thing here, Yvonne, is that you've given the simple fact of not liking to be thrown in a wonderful 'old world' charm that I would have heretofore thought impossible!! ;) Simply remarkable, my lady! :) Thanx so much for sharing that wonderful pen with us all.... and stay away from pools! LOL! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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You always give me such wonderful reviews and make me feel so special. I truly appreciate that. I'm so glad you liked this little piece. There was always someone who thought it was funny to throw me in. I finally told him if he came near me again, his own mother wouldn't recognize him when I was through. lol.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
You did an excellent jib with this difficult style! And your subject is precious! I know what it's like to hate being thrown in a lake or pool. I lock up when water is too cold and like this poem says, whoever threw me better retreat! Haha!! xoxo
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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You did an excellent jib with this difficult style! And your subject is precious! I know what it's like to hate being thrown in a lake or pool. I lock up when water is too cold and like this poem says, whoever threw me better retreat! Haha!! xoxo
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Thank you. We'll start a club against water bullies. lol.
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Oh yeah!! Haha!!!
Comment from Bill Schott
This rondeau redouble, Don't Touch Me, has the the proper formatting, with one exception I will note last. The theme of the poem is well related as the fear of drowning, or at the very least, the absence of a controlled entrance into the water. Persons involved in this assault should fear reprisals. The one thing I think is different in your version of the format is the refrain phrase. In models I've seen, there are only two rhyming sounds, A and B. The phrase that begins and ends the poems, would rhyme with the B end words. Happy day.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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This rondeau redouble, Don't Touch Me, has the the proper formatting, with one exception I will note last. The theme of the poem is well related as the fear of drowning, or at the very least, the absence of a controlled entrance into the water. Persons involved in this assault should fear reprisals. The one thing I think is different in your version of the format is the refrain phrase. In models I've seen, there are only two rhyming sounds, A and B. The phrase that begins and ends the poems, would rhyme with the B end words. Happy day.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Thank you for such a detailed review. If you look at the author notes, I believe I followed the instructions we were given for the challenge. I could be wrong, though, so I'll take another look. 8-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well said. I think we all fear being tossed into water. It's not funny, but cruel, even though friends laugh to see it. We have a big pool, and I've watched adults (not kids, because I told them the rules beforehand). One guy had his elontronic car key in his pocket and couldn't start his car to go home.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Well said. I think we all fear being tossed into water. It's not funny, but cruel, even though friends laugh to see it. We have a big pool, and I've watched adults (not kids, because I told them the rules beforehand). One guy had his elontronic car key in his pocket and couldn't start his car to go home.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Yikes!
Comment from alf collier
bravo!!!! Reads with great flow, my friend, keeping on topic and in rhythm. Really enjoyed reading this, now I shall seriously have to give it a try lol
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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bravo!!!! Reads with great flow, my friend, keeping on topic and in rhythm. Really enjoyed reading this, now I shall seriously have to give it a try lol
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Oh, thank you for this fantastic review. Yes, give it a go. I look forward to reading it.
Comment from JLR
Bravo! A most delightful submission. Not the easiest format to complete. you submitted a masterful work and thank you for sharing. It is always a pleasure to see what you develop!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Bravo! A most delightful submission. Not the easiest format to complete. you submitted a masterful work and thank you for sharing. It is always a pleasure to see what you develop!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you. I always appreciate your opinion.
Comment from dragonpoet
It seems this person likes beaches and river banks, but only to sit on or wade in. He/she gets severe revenge on anyone who immerses him/her in any way.
A funny but serious poem that does the potlach club post proud.
Happy Holidays.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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It seems this person likes beaches and river banks, but only to sit on or wade in. He/she gets severe revenge on anyone who immerses him/her in any way.
A funny but serious poem that does the potlach club post proud.
Happy Holidays.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you. I love to be in the water, just not thrown in or pushed in. I tend to panic then. I hope it gave you a laugh. Thank you for the compliment.
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Your welcome for the review and the compliment. I like being on the water, in a boat or the like, more than in it. I like fresh water more than salt.
It did make me laugh.
Joan
