A Horse Race
and the winner is?10 total reviews
Comment from shaffer40
This is so funny, full of vivid, well-written images. I could really see that ostrich stirring up sand.
I have noticed some misplaced and unnecessary commas and other punctuation nits, as pointed out below.
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This year is uncertain, ("what with that ostrich.")
Omit comma & move period:
This year is uncertain ("what with that ostrich").
"You called her head, silly."
The comma changes the meaning as thought addressing "silly" -- omit.
"You called her head silly."
ha ha ha,-- Omit comma
wrap-around sunglasses -- wraparound one word
he stumbled into a quiet little town, that day, and went into the sheriff's
office to find out where he was,
Omit first two commas
he stumbled into a quiet little town that day and went into the sheriff's
office to find out where he was,
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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This is so funny, full of vivid, well-written images. I could really see that ostrich stirring up sand.
I have noticed some misplaced and unnecessary commas and other punctuation nits, as pointed out below.
*************************************
This year is uncertain, ("what with that ostrich.")
Omit comma & move period:
This year is uncertain ("what with that ostrich").
"You called her head, silly."
The comma changes the meaning as thought addressing "silly" -- omit.
"You called her head silly."
ha ha ha,-- Omit comma
wrap-around sunglasses -- wraparound one word
he stumbled into a quiet little town, that day, and went into the sheriff's
office to find out where he was,
Omit first two commas
he stumbled into a quiet little town that day and went into the sheriff's
office to find out where he was,
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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I wish I had you looking over my shoulder when I'm writing! Don't know why I seem to have a "comma fetish." (never know if period goes inside or outside the parenthesis) :)
thank you for your neat comments about my little story and for the helpful corrections. I should remember those things.
Much obliged,
Katharine - pome lover
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You're welcome. Such an imaginative writer.
Comment from Hitcher
I reckon riding an Ostrich would be a scary and exciting at the same time. Racing on the back of one would be a insane : ))
I enjoyed your humerus little story, it help my attention with relative ease and made me smile on one than one occasion. Good luck!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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I reckon riding an Ostrich would be a scary and exciting at the same time. Racing on the back of one would be a insane : ))
I enjoyed your humerus little story, it help my attention with relative ease and made me smile on one than one occasion. Good luck!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Yeah, it's bony back, and all that upping and downing would be hard to sit ( and stay on) I imagine, but I think it'd be fun to watch.
Thank you for your kind comments and good wishes, and I'm glad I made you smile.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This definitely has some inherent humor as situational comedy. It reminds me of the Ostrich Festival in Chandler, Arizona, which I never saw but only noticed being advertised. Having a horse bite an ostrich would be a funny sight. I think the formatting missed one bolded word, here:
walking Brute over to her (I would put that in parentheses, so (walking Brute over to her)
Peg: "She understands English, you know." (Bold the name Peg)
I think this would be a very funny movie or short film. Thanks for entering!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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This definitely has some inherent humor as situational comedy. It reminds me of the Ostrich Festival in Chandler, Arizona, which I never saw but only noticed being advertised. Having a horse bite an ostrich would be a funny sight. I think the formatting missed one bolded word, here:
walking Brute over to her (I would put that in parentheses, so (walking Brute over to her)
Peg: "She understands English, you know." (Bold the name Peg)
I think this would be a very funny movie or short film. Thanks for entering!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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thanks for all your comments and suggestions. I think it would be funny to watch, too, and I can just "see" the Disney characters. (yeah, right.)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a cute entry for the Humorous Short Story contest.
Your story is interesting and well-told with the right amount of humor.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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I think this is a cute entry for the Humorous Short Story contest.
Your story is interesting and well-told with the right amount of humor.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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thank you so much. and thanks for the good wishes.
Comment from Alex Rosel
Oh, this is an original entry for the contest. I like how you've avoided all the usual cowboy tropes, but the script is still definable as western themed {thumbs up}.
Brute: horse-laugh -- Ha, ha!
Peg has her neckerchief pulled up over her nose and is sporting wrap-around sunglasses. -- Ha, ha! This is a great nouveau-plastic western persona {smiles}.
Good luck with your entry in the voting booth {smiles}.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Oh, this is an original entry for the contest. I like how you've avoided all the usual cowboy tropes, but the script is still definable as western themed {thumbs up}.
Brute: horse-laugh -- Ha, ha!
Peg has her neckerchief pulled up over her nose and is sporting wrap-around sunglasses. -- Ha, ha! This is a great nouveau-plastic western persona {smiles}.
Good luck with your entry in the voting booth {smiles}.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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thanks mucho!
you mean they didn't the have wrap around sun glasses back then?
kidding.
Comment from Susan Larson
Very amusing script. Easy to follow and the dialogue seemed real. I don't know where you came up with the ostrich idea, but it was clever and cute. Only other comment is that I think you need to look back over it and take out a few commas.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Very amusing script. Easy to follow and the dialogue seemed real. I don't know where you came up with the ostrich idea, but it was clever and cute. Only other comment is that I think you need to look back over it and take out a few commas.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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hmmm, will do. thanks
Comment from Rebecca Lee
Hello-this is a fun story. An edit I would recommend is in this line: "the fact that his right eye is in constant motion, seems to be off-putting to most of them" - the comma should be removed. Also, "You called her head, silly." - I would maybe change the wording or the punctuation because as it reads, it's a little confusing based on what the intent is behind it, knowing he called her head 'silly'. Also, there's a missing open quote on 'shoulda never entered'. Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Hello-this is a fun story. An edit I would recommend is in this line: "the fact that his right eye is in constant motion, seems to be off-putting to most of them" - the comma should be removed. Also, "You called her head, silly." - I would maybe change the wording or the punctuation because as it reads, it's a little confusing based on what the intent is behind it, knowing he called her head 'silly'. Also, there's a missing open quote on 'shoulda never entered'. Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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you are a diligent gal. much obliged.
Comment from Henry King
This is an excellent humorous script. Peg and Lucille go right along with Pecos Bill. Are you sure Rick wasn't chasing after the red lights in Marfa. He may have thought it was the rear end of Lucille, where his horse Brute bit her. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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This is an excellent humorous script. Peg and Lucille go right along with Pecos Bill. Are you sure Rick wasn't chasing after the red lights in Marfa. He may have thought it was the rear end of Lucille, where his horse Brute bit her. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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That's funny, Henry. He could've been. yeeha!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
LOL!! Oh, their poor kids! ;) This was quite a wonderful twist on the 'western' theme with an ostrich in the mix -- certainly adds a good 'boost' to the humor throughout! Poor guys, got beat by a girl and a bird -- LOL!! ;) :) Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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LOL!! Oh, their poor kids! ;) This was quite a wonderful twist on the 'western' theme with an ostrich in the mix -- certainly adds a good 'boost' to the humor throughout! Poor guys, got beat by a girl and a bird -- LOL!! ;) :) Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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MANY thanks again!!! I'm off.
ah. just caught your last remark. si! and thanks again.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Yup this was a humorous script to read: ostrich versus manš???good win on the bird. I wonder what the money will get wasted on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Yup this was a humorous script to read: ostrich versus manš???good win on the bird. I wonder what the money will get wasted on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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many, many thanks for the 6!!!
most appreciated.
Ol Peg Is a canny gal, she may not waste that money. At least, not all of it. :)
