Beneath the Roses
906 Words13 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Congratulations on your win, my friend, it was well deserved. I loved this, and it proves David's father knew his children well and planned it will accordingly. Superb! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Congratulations on your win, my friend, it was well deserved. I loved this, and it proves David's father knew his children well and planned it will accordingly. Superb! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
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Thank you very much for the kind support and encouragement, Sandra. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from MissMerri
This is a wonderful story. I loved it, and even though I knew immediately what Randall's last words would lead to, it didn't detract in any way from my pleasure in reading the story to its wonderful conclusion. You told the story so well, each character became vividly clear and compelled the reader to root heartily for David. Congratulations for winning the contest.
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This is a wonderful story. I loved it, and even though I knew immediately what Randall's last words would lead to, it didn't detract in any way from my pleasure in reading the story to its wonderful conclusion. You told the story so well, each character became vividly clear and compelled the reader to root heartily for David. Congratulations for winning the contest.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is very nice. The pacing is spot on and the plot (ha-ha) is a good one.
The first came our easily. - came out.
Good to see it did well
G
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Hi there,
This is very nice. The pacing is spot on and the plot (ha-ha) is a good one.
The first came our easily. - came out.
Good to see it did well
G
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you very much for the lovely words of encouragement and support. I am deeply grateful for your time and generous kindness.
Comment from Dawn Munro
First, congratulations on the win! Now let's shine it up even more, shall we?
Paragraph one -- no semi-colon needed after "battle" -- a comma. Semi-colons are used to separate independent clauses.
Paragraph six is a perfect example of where a semi-colon SHOULD be used: "Randall sighed heavily(;)..."
typo -- "The first came ou(t) easily."
What a lovely and very touching story, Monica!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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First, congratulations on the win! Now let's shine it up even more, shall we?
Paragraph one -- no semi-colon needed after "battle" -- a comma. Semi-colons are used to separate independent clauses.
Paragraph six is a perfect example of where a semi-colon SHOULD be used: "Randall sighed heavily(;)..."
typo -- "The first came ou(t) easily."
What a lovely and very touching story, Monica!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you very much for the lovely words of encouragement and support. I am deeply grateful for your time and generous kindness.
Comment from Alex Rosel
This was a lovely entry for the Final Words contest. You've woven a great story around the centerpiece of Randall's last words. The characters you've created are three-dimensional and indicative of real-life people. This story was worthy of it's first place in the voting booth {thumbs up}.
the empty shell that had once been his Dad -- This is a great snippet, very evocative {thumbs up}.
As an aside, I wouldn't capitalize "Dad" in this context.
It took some time to clean the old place out. It might have gone quicker if Alice and Frank didn't insist on inspecting every single thing before it was donated just in case something of value could come out of all. -- Oh, how I can relate to this. Done this and experienced the frustration {frowns}.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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This was a lovely entry for the Final Words contest. You've woven a great story around the centerpiece of Randall's last words. The characters you've created are three-dimensional and indicative of real-life people. This story was worthy of it's first place in the voting booth {thumbs up}.
the empty shell that had once been his Dad -- This is a great snippet, very evocative {thumbs up}.
As an aside, I wouldn't capitalize "Dad" in this context.
It took some time to clean the old place out. It might have gone quicker if Alice and Frank didn't insist on inspecting every single thing before it was donated just in case something of value could come out of all. -- Oh, how I can relate to this. Done this and experienced the frustration {frowns}.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2019
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Thank you very much for the lovely words of encouragement and support. I am deeply grateful for your time and generous kindness.
Comment from rockmann
I had a feeling your story was heading in this direction. Still, I enjoyed it. It's too bad people have such little regard for loved ones and only look to them as cash cows. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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I had a feeling your story was heading in this direction. Still, I enjoyed it. It's too bad people have such little regard for loved ones and only look to them as cash cows. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Author,
As I was reading your writing, I didn't know where you were going with your story. Well to my surprise with smiles, I knew what was the purpose. I'm glad that I took time to read, your well story for the contest
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Hello Author,
As I was reading your writing, I didn't know where you were going with your story. Well to my surprise with smiles, I knew what was the purpose. I'm glad that I took time to read, your well story for the contest
Gert
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you. Love always conquers darkness :).
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You are welcome unknown write
Gert
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is an interesting story for the Final Words writing prompt.
Your story is clear and easy to follow.
Nicely done and good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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I think this is an interesting story for the Final Words writing prompt.
Your story is clear and easy to follow.
Nicely done and good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from __Lou__
An interesting take on the prompt but I think you did really well. At times I thought it could have been a little smoother but I get that it's hard to do when you have to keep it short. Having it so short also made me feel less attached to the characters. I feel more connected with David than the others (good job there) but Randall, I feel, could have used some more thoughts on. Like if David recalled the last moment they were together before Randall had to be hospitalised (for good). Something like that would really ground the piece and allow the reader to have more of a connection to the two of them (and understand their relationship a bit better).
The only typo I found was; "came our easily." instead of, "came 'out' easily."
I think you did really well, good job and good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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An interesting take on the prompt but I think you did really well. At times I thought it could have been a little smoother but I get that it's hard to do when you have to keep it short. Having it so short also made me feel less attached to the characters. I feel more connected with David than the others (good job there) but Randall, I feel, could have used some more thoughts on. Like if David recalled the last moment they were together before Randall had to be hospitalised (for good). Something like that would really ground the piece and allow the reader to have more of a connection to the two of them (and understand their relationship a bit better).
The only typo I found was; "came our easily." instead of, "came 'out' easily."
I think you did really well, good job and good luck.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from lauralumummu
Amazing story, I loved reading this it was so captivating. I love the outcome. When someone dies peoples true nature rises to the surface. Great entry for the contest. All the best, Laura.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Amazing story, I loved reading this it was so captivating. I love the outcome. When someone dies peoples true nature rises to the surface. Great entry for the contest. All the best, Laura.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2019
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Thank you.
