Jesus Loves Me
A spiritual journey...8 total reviews
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your beautiful, reverent Christian poem conveys your moving story of meeting Jesus early in life, following Him throughout life, and joyously
looking toward Heaven.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Your beautiful, reverent Christian poem conveys your moving story of meeting Jesus early in life, following Him throughout life, and joyously
looking toward Heaven.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written spiritual poem about the love of Jesus Christ who died for us willingly on the cross so that we can have a chance through His mercy to reach eternal life.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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A very well-written spiritual poem about the love of Jesus Christ who died for us willingly on the cross so that we can have a chance through His mercy to reach eternal life.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Comment from oliver818
Your poem is sweet
And gentle and flows well. Your imagery is good too and it has a nice feel to it. Thanks for sharing this and have yourself a really great day
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Your poem is sweet
And gentle and flows well. Your imagery is good too and it has a nice feel to it. Thanks for sharing this and have yourself a really great day
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Comment from Darlene Franklin
A beautiful testimony poem. Jesus Loves Me is a children's song, but I still love to sing it. Jesus loves me, this I know! The Bible tells me so, and I know it because his love has filled my heart. Good luck with the contest. (or should I say God bless?)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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A beautiful testimony poem. Jesus Loves Me is a children's song, but I still love to sing it. Jesus loves me, this I know! The Bible tells me so, and I know it because his love has filled my heart. Good luck with the contest. (or should I say God bless?)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving and God bless you also! xoxo
Comment from Michele Harber
This most definitely fits the "Spiritual" description. It's reverent and honest and brimming with love and gratitude. I love that you explain the origins of your belief, and the happy memories associated with it.
From a poetic perspective, there are some times where the meter and flow are off, but your rhymes work well, and the faith you display in the first sentence continues to the last.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
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This most definitely fits the "Spiritual" description. It's reverent and honest and brimming with love and gratitude. I love that you explain the origins of your belief, and the happy memories associated with it.
From a poetic perspective, there are some times where the meter and flow are off, but your rhymes work well, and the faith you display in the first sentence continues to the last.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
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Thanks much! yes, I am still in process of tweaking it a bit before the cut off today. So much to say in a line and hard to get it to sound right with consistent meter structure! appreciate your kind words always! xoxo
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It's my pleasure. Keep one thing in mind. If the deadline's approaching and you're struggling over meter, forget about it. FanStory is forgiving. If you move them with what you say, you'll get a little leeway on structural issues unless they're glaring, which these weren't. Poetry magazines are more demanding, but FanStory is more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt.
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good to know! :)
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I'm glad I could help. :-)
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I have tweaked it a bit more, and hope it is a bit better now :)
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I figured out the problem I was having, and am still having, to a degree. You set your first three verses up in near perfect iambic tetrameter (perfect if you contract "family" to the two-syllable "fam'ly) but, in the succeeding verses, you change the meter on the even-numbered lines. Below is my example of your poem almost fully in iambic tetrameter. The only thing throwing it off is "divine," where the stress naturally falls on the second syllable, but you need it on the first. I won't tell if you won't.
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When I was just a little girl
I sang of Jesus? love for me.
It made me feel secure inside
to sing of love for me so free.
My fam?ly?s love instilled in me
my deepest love for God so true.
They took me to our local church
where I would always feel brand new.
On Sunday mornings, off we?d go
to learn of love from God?s true word.
I gave my heart so willingly
based on the simple truth I heard.
I grew into a faithful one;
and wrote His laws upon my heart.
I knew I?d found the peace of God,
and that from Him I?d never part.
So many years have passed on by;
and through each long and travelled mile,
I?ve kept the precious song so close;
it makes the child heart in me smile.
And on that day when I go home
to meet Him in His sacred place,
I?ll say my Lord, my Savior God,
I thank you for this divine grace.
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Oh yes, I?m loving it! Thank you. I?ll see what I can do about divine then! Got the gg-son tonight so as soon as he goes to sleep, i?ll Have a chance to work on it more! Thank you again so much. I didn?t realize I could change family like that but I guess that?s what poetic license is all about! Mwah!!! xoxo
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I'm so glad it worked for you. Most of it truly is your lovely work. I just tweaked it a bit. You can contract any word where taking out a syllable and replacing it with an apostrophe will still leave you with a totally recognizable word. I just changed "diamond" to "di'mond" myself in a recent poem, just to be sure no one would pronounce the "a" as a separate syllable.
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Ok, see how you like it now! I have made every line in perfect iambic tetrameter! I corrected the third verse and found a better word for divine to use in last line. Thank you so much for your guidance! xoxo
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You did a great job. This is much better. The only place where I still have issue is right here:
So many years have passed on by;
and through each travelled mile,
I?ve kept the precious song so close;
it makes my child heart smile.
The second and fourth lines in that stanza are still only six syllables each, where everything else is eight. I suspect you might be pronouncing words like "mile" and "smile" and "child" with two syllables each. Many people do, but they're really only one-syllable words. If you just add two syllables each to those two lines, with the stress on the second syllable, this will be perfect. I like your changes to the verse above this one much better than the ones I'd come up with, and "holy" is the perfect substitute for "divine." xoxo
Comment from Pantygynt
There is no doubting the sincerity behind this piece of of mixed metre poetry and with intelligent interpretation a constant rhythm can be found when reading aloud. I feel it would be an even better poem were the metre to be maintained throughout or regularly changed fom iambic to trochaic and back.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
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There is no doubting the sincerity behind this piece of of mixed metre poetry and with intelligent interpretation a constant rhythm can be found when reading aloud. I feel it would be an even better poem were the metre to be maintained throughout or regularly changed fom iambic to trochaic and back.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
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Thank you for your suggestion. It was difficult trying to say what I wanted and keep it strict. I have another day to still work on it, so I'll go back over it and see if I can make the meter better. Appreciate your supportive feedback :) xoxo Happy Thanksgiving!
Comment from Janilou
Many years have passed on by;
and through each travelled mile,
I've kept the precious song so close
for it made my child heart smile.
Loved these lines. I had a very different experience growing up, although we did at times go to church, it was more of a social or cultural expectation, and when I did give my life to Jesus, I was told to choose between Jesus and my family. The song sung by the very talented little girl is so beautiful.
Well done. Nothing to correct or suggest.
Jan
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Many years have passed on by;
and through each travelled mile,
I've kept the precious song so close
for it made my child heart smile.
Loved these lines. I had a very different experience growing up, although we did at times go to church, it was more of a social or cultural expectation, and when I did give my life to Jesus, I was told to choose between Jesus and my family. The song sung by the very talented little girl is so beautiful.
Well done. Nothing to correct or suggest.
Jan
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Your Faith shines through in this beautiful Ode to God. Your chronological steps toward God are pleasing to read and the gracious way to accept Him is great. The picture is awesome!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Your Faith shines through in this beautiful Ode to God. Your chronological steps toward God are pleasing to read and the gracious way to accept Him is great. The picture is awesome!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
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Thank you very much! Your kind words are received with sincere appreciation! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
