Comment from Tina Crute

Excellent

I was hooked from the start, on your story. I was reading so fast to see what would happen next!
You have lots of detail which invites us into the story better. Great job!
The last line is killer:)
Tina

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020

What a pleasant surprise! Thank you. I haven?t promoted my work for months. I appreciate this support.

-Euell

reply by Tina Crute on 13-Jan-2020

You are welcome! You were kind
to me so I thought I would check
out some of your work!

Comment from Diana L Crawford

Exceptional

I love how you are developing this story with the present and the past. Poor El, how horrible to have a father that cares nothing about his dreams! And yeah, for showing those kids that he has real talent with the home run. I also love your detailed information. So since this is a supernatural piece, I am thinking the girl in the white robe is perhaps a ghost? Am I on the right track with that? Overall, it is an intriguing story and captured my attention from the start. I look forward to reading more!! :) xoxo

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2019

OMG! What a pleasant and surprising review! Thank you! I shall be sure to review more of your work as well. I?ve been away attending Comic Conventions.

And, yes. Your insights to the characters are on spot. I?m hoping the story will have relevance to influence the younger generations of minimizing violence (such as the recent school shootings in Southern California this past week). The story has a long way to go, but the message of choice is the main idea of the protagonist. Thank you again.

:)
Euell

reply by Diana L Crawford on 17-Nov-2019

I remember you are the comic buff like my son! I hope you enjoyed! It is a very difficult time for youth. So many have been affected since birth because of the increase in drug and alcohol use by mothers, and mentally more have severe issues that go undiagnosed until it?s too late. The violence is a result of that struggle within. Educating youth on the hazards of using these things can help alleviate a further generation damaged by these things. Offering suggestions for a more positive way to occupy their time and encouraging a right perspective on life is essential. I am excited to see how you continue with this story. :)

Comment from WryWriter

Excellent

Ah, you do know how to weave a story! I really like the excitement you bring to the game with your well-done descriptions. The ending leaves the reader with a start. One sentence to note: "...where the unfamiliar shadow of a ceiling fan he(('s)) never seen...". A great reading experience!

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2019

Thank you! What a pleasant and surprising review to find this evening. I wasn?t expecting this. Thank you for brightening my evening and catching the flaw in grammar. I hope you are able to read more chapters. God Bless!

-Euell

reply by WryWriter on 17-Nov-2019

You're welcome. : )

Comment from Bill Pinder

Excellent

This chapter is well written, and I will go back and read your previous chapters. This is a good example of how dads can be very destructive to their kids even if this is a fictional story. The dad should only be excited for his kid and telling him not to worry about the bat.
Bill

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019

Agreed. Thank you for your kind and insightful review. I hope to hear more of your comments in previous chapters. Thank you again.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Hi Euell! Good to see you finishing this book. I hope we'll get to learn about this mysterious ghost. I was happy for the home run. I wonder how that memory connects to this ghost. Perhaps it will give him to courage to find out her story.

"In that instance of one's conquer of fear," (conquering) 'conquer' is a verb. So you want to make it into a gerund to use it as a noun.

The following would be clearer as several sentences:
"He glances to the far wall of the room, where the unfamiliar shadow of a ceiling fan he never seen is clear to him as the shadow of the two twitching feet dangling below the blades, and the shade of a rope that is tied around a dim outline of her neck; her body familiarly covered in a robe."
I'd also suggest "outline of a rope" instead of "shade."

"his eyes struggling to look pass his feet" (past not pass)

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2019

Thank you, Helen. I did make notable adjustments. As an amateur writer, I tend to read and re-read sentences two dozen times before I get it close to sounding the way it should. It helps to have someone expedite the process. :)

As for the relationship between the character and spirit for this chapter, I attempted to provide the reader with two opposite lives. One (El) who chose to battle adversity. The other (the spirit) who gave into adversity and commutes to the worst choice in life (the rope). As a result of their two separate choices, there were two results (an unforgettable homerun) and (the last breaths of a girl that El has yet to acknowledge).

In my next chapter, ?Shadows of the Past,? I plan to prepare to tell a dark, disturbing story of a past that will be darkly opposite of El?s homerun experience.

The lesson for young readers here is the gift of choice that is life.

Thank you for the kind and helpful review and corrections once again, Helen. God Bless!

-Euell

reply by lyenochka on 14-Nov-2019

Thanks for the explanation, Euell! I look forward to the next chapter! No worries about the spags - as we all do it. I rely on the other reviewers here to help me see the errors that I'm blind to!