Search for Satisfaction
a poem54 total reviews
Comment from Cedar
Hello Jesse,
This is a great piece of work, it's obvious that you gave this one a lot of serious thought. And, I'm sure that everyone who reads it will also give your questions a great deal of thought also, I did.
Your first sentence will capture the reader's attention. As I read your first stanza, I could almost hear the ocean waves splashing against the shore, as if you were writing this poem while sitting on the beach. That made me think of a suggestion if you don't mind. What would you think about changing your presentation picture from an in-land picture to a beautiful beach scene?
Your last stanza wraps it up perfectly. If you don't mind I do have another suggestion for that stanza. What do you think about this?
Life is a theater production
each of us members of the cast.
And when the final curtain falls
will we feel satisfied at last?
These are only suggestions, Jesse. In my opinion, this would make a great nominee for the "Poem of the Month" contest.
You've been turning out some great work Jesse. Keep it up. Have a nice day, my friend...Bill
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hello Jesse,
This is a great piece of work, it's obvious that you gave this one a lot of serious thought. And, I'm sure that everyone who reads it will also give your questions a great deal of thought also, I did.
Your first sentence will capture the reader's attention. As I read your first stanza, I could almost hear the ocean waves splashing against the shore, as if you were writing this poem while sitting on the beach. That made me think of a suggestion if you don't mind. What would you think about changing your presentation picture from an in-land picture to a beautiful beach scene?
Your last stanza wraps it up perfectly. If you don't mind I do have another suggestion for that stanza. What do you think about this?
Life is a theater production
each of us members of the cast.
And when the final curtain falls
will we feel satisfied at last?
These are only suggestions, Jesse. In my opinion, this would make a great nominee for the "Poem of the Month" contest.
You've been turning out some great work Jesse. Keep it up. Have a nice day, my friend...Bill
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hello Bill. Thank you for your comprehensive review, and excellent suggestions. I appreciate your kindness to suggest that this would be worthy of the "Poem of the Month" contest. Thank you so much for your high regard for my work. And, I thank you for the exceptional rating for this piece.
Have a great day, too, my friend.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Rmocruz
I find this well penned brief verse to be thought provoking.
An effective employment of metaphor and analogy is poetically
Presented.
Well crafted overall!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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I find this well penned brief verse to be thought provoking.
An effective employment of metaphor and analogy is poetically
Presented.
Well crafted overall!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you for your wonderful analysis of this poem. You use your words sparingly but, very effectively. Thank you for your kind comments, and excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from rama devi
Hi Jesse! This is a powerful poem. I applaud the intensity of voicing in this. The emotional pitch is effective! Good musicality in rhymes and phonics. Deeply reflective. The last stanza reminds me of Shakespeare's ALL THE WORLD"S A STAGE. Great flow read aloud, but hampered by punctuation choices, and grammar too, a bit. Suggestions:
*
Torrents of thoughts splash through my mind(--)
vacuous spaces left behind.
*
Trying my best to decipher what's real
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
This is awkward enjambment. Suggest either:
Trying my best to decipher what's real,
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
or
I try my best to decipher what's real--
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
or
I try my best to decipher what's real.
My moos to decide how I feel.
*
Retold in our future
or, remains in the past?
Retold in our future,
or remains in the past?
Life's a theater production(,)
each of us members of the cast.
If everything goes as it should
after the final curtain falls(,)
will we feel satisfied at last?
I do think we will be content, eventually...serenity is life's greatest gift, often 'reaped' through the fertilizer of pain (ironically).
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hi Jesse! This is a powerful poem. I applaud the intensity of voicing in this. The emotional pitch is effective! Good musicality in rhymes and phonics. Deeply reflective. The last stanza reminds me of Shakespeare's ALL THE WORLD"S A STAGE. Great flow read aloud, but hampered by punctuation choices, and grammar too, a bit. Suggestions:
*
Torrents of thoughts splash through my mind(--)
vacuous spaces left behind.
*
Trying my best to decipher what's real
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
This is awkward enjambment. Suggest either:
Trying my best to decipher what's real,
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
or
I try my best to decipher what's real--
mood surfing waves to decide how I feel.
or
I try my best to decipher what's real.
My moos to decide how I feel.
*
Retold in our future
or, remains in the past?
Retold in our future,
or remains in the past?
Life's a theater production(,)
each of us members of the cast.
If everything goes as it should
after the final curtain falls(,)
will we feel satisfied at last?
I do think we will be content, eventually...serenity is life's greatest gift, often 'reaped' through the fertilizer of pain (ironically).
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hello, rama. Thank you for your generous interpretation of my poem. I appreciate your suggestions. I thought I had already rid myself of most of the unneeded punctuation. I'll check to make sure that I edited it after it was suggested, not to use commas or semicolons in this piece, by Mrs. KT. Anyway, you gave a lot to revise and I will consider it. I love your answer to the last question in this piece. Serenity is a great gift and often attained by painful experiences. Thank you for your comprehensive review and excellent rating. It means a lot to me.
Take care. Jesse
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How interesting KT suggestion not using them. To me, it gives awkward flow due to enjambment. Some poems are best without punctuation, some are best with full punctuation, and others are most suited to the minimalist style. In this case, I think full punctuation serves this poem best. But, ultimately, it is your prerogative!
Warm Smiles,
rd
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That's how I started out. With commas and semicolons, etc. I am used to no punctuation at all, but I knew I needed the question marks so, I attempted full punctuation. I feel awkward with punctuation. I have learned the rules but, keep forgetting them or misunderstanding them. I know that in the English language, there are a lot of exceptions to every rule. I thought the minimalist style would best suit this one. But, everyone has their own opinion. I am still learning here so, I am susceptible to other's views. I hope I have explained my position enough for you to understand where I am coming from.
Any additional thoughts?
Jesse
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I rarely use semicolons in poetry (sometimes, though). Sometimes a dash is better, as it has more flow.
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I want to tell you that I went back to my original version of my present poem. I edited back the punctuation I was happy with, in the first place.
Thank you for your great review and advice.
Take care, Jesse
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Happy to help. Thanks for following up. I'm not reviewing much these days...just one or two every few days. Take Care,
rd
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I always appreciate it when you review my post. It means a lot to me, especially knowing, you don't review very often.
Take care, as well,
Jesse
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:-)))
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Smiles back at you...
Jesse
Comment from JudyE
That is an awesome photo you've chosen to go with a thought-provoking poem. The last line says it all really, doesn't it? If we play our part on our section of the world's stage, hopefully we'll have no regrets at the end. This reads really nicely. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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That is an awesome photo you've chosen to go with a thought-provoking poem. The last line says it all really, doesn't it? If we play our part on our section of the world's stage, hopefully we'll have no regrets at the end. This reads really nicely. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you, Judy, for your kind words about the photo and the last line of the piece. No regrets...hopefully, anyway. I am glad this encouraged your thought process. Thank you for your great review and excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I kind of got the impression the speaker in this poem is having more than an off day, since even the very first word "Torrents" suggests that a major conflict is brewing below the surface. Dissatisfaction seems to be plaguing the speaker. There are three questions in the poem which cause the reader to think twice about expectations and reality. I think I would take the comma out after Retold in our future / or,
Intriguing read with the rhymes not being heavy-handed at all.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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I kind of got the impression the speaker in this poem is having more than an off day, since even the very first word "Torrents" suggests that a major conflict is brewing below the surface. Dissatisfaction seems to be plaguing the speaker. There are three questions in the poem which cause the reader to think twice about expectations and reality. I think I would take the comma out after Retold in our future / or,
Intriguing read with the rhymes not being heavy-handed at all.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you for your unusual interpretation of the state of the mind of the writer. I appreciate your suggestion to take out the comma after the line you quoted. I will do that. I am glad you found the rhymes not heavy-handed. Thank you for your interesting review and excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from victortouche
Hi Jesse.
I just love the thoughts
expressed here. Many I've had myself.
Introspection is best done alone
and with substance abuse. LOL
A drink, a think, a bit
of us all on paper with said ink.
Nice job my friend.
Doug
PS look for my PM
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hi Jesse.
I just love the thoughts
expressed here. Many I've had myself.
Introspection is best done alone
and with substance abuse. LOL
A drink, a think, a bit
of us all on paper with said ink.
Nice job my friend.
Doug
PS look for my PM
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hello Doug. I am happy you liked my introspective poem. You write this review in the same style as your posts. A true artist. Thank you for your kind comments. I will watch for your PM.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Hitcher
Some of us will, some of us wont, some of us will feel like they could have done more and some will feel like they did too much and lost too much because of it. The lucky ones are the ones who are content with the life they have chosen and get on living it : ))
A thought provoking poem Jesse, Nice!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Some of us will, some of us wont, some of us will feel like they could have done more and some will feel like they did too much and lost too much because of it. The lucky ones are the ones who are content with the life they have chosen and get on living it : ))
A thought provoking poem Jesse, Nice!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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You sum it up very well. The lucky ones will be satisfied with their lot in life. This is the meaning of true success. I am glad you liked my thought-provoking poem. Thank you for your kindness.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Our search for satisfaction is sometimes thwarted, especially if we expect too much and want the world to be perfect, forgiving ourselves goes a long way to healing us inside, much enjoyed Jesse, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Our search for satisfaction is sometimes thwarted, especially if we expect too much and want the world to be perfect, forgiving ourselves goes a long way to healing us inside, much enjoyed Jesse, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you, Dolly, for sharing your unique thoughts, on the idea that we may expect too much. Satisfaction, I meant, as a personal feeling of one's accomplishments. But, you make a valid point, as well. I am glad you found enjoyment by reading this. Thank you for the excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from Ogden
I believe some people never can be satisfied, while others are delighted with what the former consider unsatisfactory. The varying needs and outlooks of most of the rest fall somewhere in between.
So, if we can be content depends on who we are. That's the way I see it, Jesse.
Ogden (Don)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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I believe some people never can be satisfied, while others are delighted with what the former consider unsatisfactory. The varying needs and outlooks of most of the rest fall somewhere in between.
So, if we can be content depends on who we are. That's the way I see it, Jesse.
Ogden (Don)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you, Don, for your honest and forthright opinion on the meaning of this. One person's contentment is another's satisfaction, coming from my point of view. Thank you for sharing, and for the excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Jesse. This is an excellent poem that I enjoyed reading. It asks some age-old questions--our wonderment in the meaning of it all and IF one day we will truly understand the reason for it.
I especially like:
"Life's a theater production
each of us members of the cast.
If everything goes as it should
after the final curtain falls
will we feel satisfied at last?"
Great job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Hi Jesse. This is an excellent poem that I enjoyed reading. It asks some age-old questions--our wonderment in the meaning of it all and IF one day we will truly understand the reason for it.
I especially like:
"Life's a theater production
each of us members of the cast.
If everything goes as it should
after the final curtain falls
will we feel satisfied at last?"
Great job. Marilyn
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2019
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Thank you, Marilyn, for your kind words and insightful comments. I appreciate you choosing the part of this which you especially like. It is always helpful to know what resonates with readers the most. Thank you for the excellent rating.
Take care, Jesse
