Hammie & Sarabeth Chapter~11
2,830 words. The final chapter.8 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is beautifully penned, my friend. I thoroughly enjoyed and am a bit dismayed that folks are ornery enough to make it necessary to put a disclaimer in the notes. Life has never been easy for anyone, anywhere let alone a black child in the old south. I thought the notes would talk about the actual tornado that ripped up Jackson - I remember it well as I was living in Memphis at the time where we had our own clean up issues as a result of those storms. Well done and it has been an honor for having you share it with us.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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This is beautifully penned, my friend. I thoroughly enjoyed and am a bit dismayed that folks are ornery enough to make it necessary to put a disclaimer in the notes. Life has never been easy for anyone, anywhere let alone a black child in the old south. I thought the notes would talk about the actual tornado that ripped up Jackson - I remember it well as I was living in Memphis at the time where we had our own clean up issues as a result of those storms. Well done and it has been an honor for having you share it with us.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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You're exactly right, I used a lot of the descriptions from the damage I saw in Jackson. I was working there at the time of one of those bad storms hit West Tennessee. The author notes came from a review from someone who thought I was trying to humiliate Hammie. After I told about the reason for the book, he totally understood. Many thanks for your kind words, and those shiny six stars!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
A great story about an all too common experience when it comes to weather, Mike. Hurricanes' and tornados' are a problem now and getting more dangerous every year it seems. I believe in angels. I believe in prayer. I believe. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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A great story about an all too common experience when it comes to weather, Mike. Hurricanes' and tornados' are a problem now and getting more dangerous every year it seems. I believe in angels. I believe in prayer. I believe. Nancy:)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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Hi, Nancy! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review. I hope to start the new Gabe book, very soon.
Have a great day. and God bless.
mike
Comment from JudyE
I haven't read other reviews of your Hammie and Sarabeth stories but I can't imagine what people find to be offended about.
I picked up a number of spags but they're all minor.
"We havin' fried taters, baked orange squash, wid all de Fixin's, and Tree of Life fruit pie." - I might have used lower case for 'fixins' , and delete apostrophe.
Being that it's been 155 years since your death in 1864. Aren't you tired of visiting the earth? - this should be one sentence. Replace period with a comma
Another honor bestowed on Pinson happened on March Eleventh, 1923, - lower case for 'eleventh
"It's not supposed to be seventy-nine degrees on December Sixteenth - lower case for 'sixteenth'
He notices the Severe Storm warning for Madison County and a tornado threat for all of West Tennessee. It seems we are at a TorCon of 8, which means there is an 80% chance of a tornado within fifty miles. - speech marks before 'It seems..' and after 'miles'
The tornado continues in a straight line down Bear Creek Road swallowing, tractors, barns, cows, - delete comma after 'swallowing'
No one needs to be out in this storm. Hey, I'll text the Williams to help you." - in the time of which you're writing, would people be able to text each other?
'It consumes their semi grain truck with little effort deep into the funnel.' - I might have rearranged this to: 'With little effort, it consumes their semi grain truck deep into the funnel.'
That's the direction of the tornado, and its a big one!" - apostrophe needed - it's
It's like the storm shifted gears when it came into view splitting the two Oak trees beside the firehouse like kindling. - comma after 'view'. Maybe lower case for 'oak'?
Everyone covers their ears has the tornado - should be 'as the tornado'
Everyone covers their ears has the tornado batters the firehouse. Suddenly, an eerie quiet envelopes the firehouse. - Rather than repeat 'the firehouse' here, I might have said 'an eerie quiet envelopes them'.
The backside of the tornado slams into the firehouse throwing the Brown's grain truck into the western wall - comma after 'firehouse'
Bray's furniture has been in Pinson for many years - capital for 'Furniture'
It destroys four more homes when the storm crosses Oak Drive then into the woods. - there is a word missing after 'then'. Maybe 'then continues on into the woods'
Jonathon and Lila are the first to venture out their storm shelter- should be 'venture out of their storm shelter'
When all of the families step out onto the road - delete 'of'
Branches are thrown up against their homes, but no significant damage - maybe 'but there is no significant damage'
There's the young man who told us what happened, and a young woman moving rubble out of the way. - maybe 'There's the young man who relayed the news, and a young woman moving rubble out of the way'
He turns around, and mule kicks the steel door off of its hinges - delete 'of'
The semi teeters on the fire truck has another rafter falls - should be 'as another rafter'
It stabilizes the semi for now - maybe 'for the moment' rather than 'for now'
Hammie begins to move cinder blocks to the front, out of the way. The first person they find is Marshal Webb. His spine, crushed by a section of concrete and not breathing. - comma after 'Webb'. Delete period
The men move the two rafters off the concrete and turn their eyes Jonathon and Hammie - should be 'turn their eyes to'
Jonathon and Hammie each have one hand on the wall watching everybody - comma after 'wall'
"It looks like we're all clear." A voice with a flashlight declares. - This should be one sentence. Replace period after 'clear' with a comma.
"Pray, wid me quickly." - delete comma
With best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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I haven't read other reviews of your Hammie and Sarabeth stories but I can't imagine what people find to be offended about.
I picked up a number of spags but they're all minor.
"We havin' fried taters, baked orange squash, wid all de Fixin's, and Tree of Life fruit pie." - I might have used lower case for 'fixins' , and delete apostrophe.
Being that it's been 155 years since your death in 1864. Aren't you tired of visiting the earth? - this should be one sentence. Replace period with a comma
Another honor bestowed on Pinson happened on March Eleventh, 1923, - lower case for 'eleventh
"It's not supposed to be seventy-nine degrees on December Sixteenth - lower case for 'sixteenth'
He notices the Severe Storm warning for Madison County and a tornado threat for all of West Tennessee. It seems we are at a TorCon of 8, which means there is an 80% chance of a tornado within fifty miles. - speech marks before 'It seems..' and after 'miles'
The tornado continues in a straight line down Bear Creek Road swallowing, tractors, barns, cows, - delete comma after 'swallowing'
No one needs to be out in this storm. Hey, I'll text the Williams to help you." - in the time of which you're writing, would people be able to text each other?
'It consumes their semi grain truck with little effort deep into the funnel.' - I might have rearranged this to: 'With little effort, it consumes their semi grain truck deep into the funnel.'
That's the direction of the tornado, and its a big one!" - apostrophe needed - it's
It's like the storm shifted gears when it came into view splitting the two Oak trees beside the firehouse like kindling. - comma after 'view'. Maybe lower case for 'oak'?
Everyone covers their ears has the tornado - should be 'as the tornado'
Everyone covers their ears has the tornado batters the firehouse. Suddenly, an eerie quiet envelopes the firehouse. - Rather than repeat 'the firehouse' here, I might have said 'an eerie quiet envelopes them'.
The backside of the tornado slams into the firehouse throwing the Brown's grain truck into the western wall - comma after 'firehouse'
Bray's furniture has been in Pinson for many years - capital for 'Furniture'
It destroys four more homes when the storm crosses Oak Drive then into the woods. - there is a word missing after 'then'. Maybe 'then continues on into the woods'
Jonathon and Lila are the first to venture out their storm shelter- should be 'venture out of their storm shelter'
When all of the families step out onto the road - delete 'of'
Branches are thrown up against their homes, but no significant damage - maybe 'but there is no significant damage'
There's the young man who told us what happened, and a young woman moving rubble out of the way. - maybe 'There's the young man who relayed the news, and a young woman moving rubble out of the way'
He turns around, and mule kicks the steel door off of its hinges - delete 'of'
The semi teeters on the fire truck has another rafter falls - should be 'as another rafter'
It stabilizes the semi for now - maybe 'for the moment' rather than 'for now'
Hammie begins to move cinder blocks to the front, out of the way. The first person they find is Marshal Webb. His spine, crushed by a section of concrete and not breathing. - comma after 'Webb'. Delete period
The men move the two rafters off the concrete and turn their eyes Jonathon and Hammie - should be 'turn their eyes to'
Jonathon and Hammie each have one hand on the wall watching everybody - comma after 'wall'
"It looks like we're all clear." A voice with a flashlight declares. - This should be one sentence. Replace period after 'clear' with a comma.
"Pray, wid me quickly." - delete comma
With best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 08-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Many thanks for all of your help with this story and the great review. I'll get it all fixed. Thanks again!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Teri7
Mike, I wish I had six stars to give you for this great chapter. Living in Jackson we know where Pinson is. This seemed so real. Made me think of when our church was destroyed by the F-5 tornado and our Co-pastors wife was killed. It was a devastating night. I worked for JPD at that time and I got my husband to take us there. I had to answer calls to help ones that did not know if their loved ones were alive or not. God was merciful through it all. Thanks for writing this my friend. May God bless you! Teri
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Mike, I wish I had six stars to give you for this great chapter. Living in Jackson we know where Pinson is. This seemed so real. Made me think of when our church was destroyed by the F-5 tornado and our Co-pastors wife was killed. It was a devastating night. I worked for JPD at that time and I got my husband to take us there. I had to answer calls to help ones that did not know if their loved ones were alive or not. God was merciful through it all. Thanks for writing this my friend. May God bless you! Teri
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Hi, Terri! Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
These people were mighty lucky to have Hammie and Sarabeth around. That tornado could have done a lot more damage, and that firehouse would have been a disaster. Great story.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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These people were mighty lucky to have Hammie and Sarabeth around. That tornado could have done a lot more damage, and that firehouse would have been a disaster. Great story.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this creative story about God's power expressed through people who choose to forgive and serve others. That is a great message that we all need to embrace and work together to spread to others. Great job with this creative expression.
Bill
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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I enjoyed reading this creative story about God's power expressed through people who choose to forgive and serve others. That is a great message that we all need to embrace and work together to spread to others. Great job with this creative expression.
Bill
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Hello, my friend. Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Mary Ann McPhedran
What a wonderful story, and excellently written. The bible told in a different way and it didn't offend me. The language I could follow. a most enjoyable read.
Mary Ann.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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What a wonderful story, and excellently written. The bible told in a different way and it didn't offend me. The language I could follow. a most enjoyable read.
Mary Ann.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
But you have given lives to the characters and shown how morality, humanity and human values are important more than anything in relation and courses of living, promotion is well said, well done.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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But you have given lives to the characters and shown how morality, humanity and human values are important more than anything in relation and courses of living, promotion is well said, well done.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2019
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Many thanks for your kind words and encouraging review!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
