The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 93 "The Vultures Gather"A Novel
22 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
An exciting and eventful chapter, Tony. Excellent depiction of the rock slide.
The vulture looms as an omen. No vultures in my garden in Caracas. Carrion crows are ubiquitous. They ride thermals and come down to drink from the pool in the dry season. My cats eye them speculatively. Cats with high hopes. LOL
Helen is a resourceful and stoic companion. Motivated by her hatred of the Lion.
Lost backpack, twisted ankle. You know how to maintain interest by piling on the complications.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
  |
An exciting and eventful chapter, Tony. Excellent depiction of the rock slide.
The vulture looms as an omen. No vultures in my garden in Caracas. Carrion crows are ubiquitous. They ride thermals and come down to drink from the pool in the dry season. My cats eye them speculatively. Cats with high hopes. LOL
Helen is a resourceful and stoic companion. Motivated by her hatred of the Lion.
Lost backpack, twisted ankle. You know how to maintain interest by piling on the complications.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks, Julia, for the affirmation and your supportive comments. Both very much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is well penned and quite a compelling read. You write their rising tension well as I can hear it in their words and feel it in their actions. The vulture was a nice touch as it provides a sense of foreboding mixed with a hopeful feeling of relief. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
This is well penned and quite a compelling read. You write their rising tension well as I can hear it in their words and feel it in their actions. The vulture was a nice touch as it provides a sense of foreboding mixed with a hopeful feeling of relief. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks for the affirmation and your supportive comments, Maureen. Both very much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
This took me back to my RM days. The oatmeal block was a wonderful thing to find in one's 24 hour ration pack, I relished them as biscuits but they had a number of uses from thickening gravy to creating a kind of porridge. helen also reminded me of the wife of one of our instructing officers on my SBS acquaint course. She was as tough as her husband and often played in the role of a secret agent on exercises.
Aapart from Helen's ankle the loss of the backpack is at present an understated disaster if they are going to have to live in the boodocks for any length of time.
I see we are running close in the monthly contest again. Your turn this time I believe.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
 |
This took me back to my RM days. The oatmeal block was a wonderful thing to find in one's 24 hour ration pack, I relished them as biscuits but they had a number of uses from thickening gravy to creating a kind of porridge. helen also reminded me of the wife of one of our instructing officers on my SBS acquaint course. She was as tough as her husband and often played in the role of a secret agent on exercises.
Aapart from Helen's ankle the loss of the backpack is at present an understated disaster if they are going to have to live in the boodocks for any length of time.
I see we are running close in the monthly contest again. Your turn this time I believe.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks for the extra star, Jim. Appreciated. The oatmeal block was a great standby. I doubt if I could get my teeth into one these days.
-
What teeth are those? Lol
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I don't blame Charles for being wary, it sounds like quite a hike, but the challenge from Helen spurs him on. Great descriptions in the 'danse macabre' scene. A little humour near the end of this drama filled chapter, worked well Tony.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
I don't blame Charles for being wary, it sounds like quite a hike, but the challenge from Helen spurs him on. Great descriptions in the 'danse macabre' scene. A little humour near the end of this drama filled chapter, worked well Tony.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Very many thanks for the extra star, Valda. Appreciated.
I enjoyed reading your review and comments. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from royowen
They decide to go via another Route to avoid the police, and lots of uncomfortable explanations And probably much worse for them both, and apart from a very sore ankle and relieving Helen of her pack so she can walk unimpeded. Well done, I've been privileged to see the scribal growth of a couple of authors, and you are one of them Tony. Bless you, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
They decide to go via another Route to avoid the police, and lots of uncomfortable explanations And probably much worse for them both, and apart from a very sore ankle and relieving Helen of her pack so she can walk unimpeded. Well done, I've been privileged to see the scribal growth of a couple of authors, and you are one of them Tony. Bless you, Roy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks, Roy. I?ve learnt a good deal about fiction writing during the course of this year. Plenty of help from several site members. It?s been an interesting journey.
-
Well done
Comment from JudyE
Charles has lost his backpack. That doesn't augur well for them. I couldn't find anything to pick on first time through but came up with a couple of thoughts on rereading. I've giving six anyway as it's such good writing.
We were only a couple of hundred yards from the road and our dugout, which had been well camouflaged by the blizzard, was now a gaping hole with footprints all around it. - I might have put a comma after 'road'
"Better than you." Her eyes blazed as she bit into the bar. "Our mother often used to bring me and Kayla here when father was away. - would Helen have said 'me and Kayla' or 'Kayla and I'? She seems well educated.
We could already see a few wooden huts and buildings on the outskirts of Gabhirat below. As I followed her down the narrow track, I noticed that Helen's limp was more pronounced.
"Here, let me take your pack," I said. "You can lean on my shoulder if you like." Should there be a return after 'pronounced'?
Kind regards
Judy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
Charles has lost his backpack. That doesn't augur well for them. I couldn't find anything to pick on first time through but came up with a couple of thoughts on rereading. I've giving six anyway as it's such good writing.
We were only a couple of hundred yards from the road and our dugout, which had been well camouflaged by the blizzard, was now a gaping hole with footprints all around it. - I might have put a comma after 'road'
"Better than you." Her eyes blazed as she bit into the bar. "Our mother often used to bring me and Kayla here when father was away. - would Helen have said 'me and Kayla' or 'Kayla and I'? She seems well educated.
We could already see a few wooden huts and buildings on the outskirts of Gabhirat below. As I followed her down the narrow track, I noticed that Helen's limp was more pronounced.
"Here, let me take your pack," I said. "You can lean on my shoulder if you like." Should there be a return after 'pronounced'?
Kind regards
Judy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
As always, many thanks for your review and kind words. This chapter took me a while to construct, and I'm delighted you thought it worth a sixth star. I appreciate your sharp eye and have made the changes you suggested. I think you're right that Helen would probably have used the normal convention of putting her sister's name before her own. I've now changed that to 'Kayla and me' ('me' being the object of the sentence).
-
You're right of course about the 'me'. Sometimes my English grammar lessons seem a long time ago. :)
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Great sense of descriptive action in this chapter 93, which features an avalanche of rocks. My favorite lines were: We felt oppressed by the burden of silence, broken only by the crunch of our boots and the sinister burble of freshets coursing through the shale. And I also like this line about the way the griffon vulture looked: It regarded us balefully, as if disappointed at our good fortune.
Great 'r' alliteration in 'ragdoll' and 'roiling' above that. I wasn't sure what an oatmeal block was. Is it part of food rations? Interesting share.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
Great sense of descriptive action in this chapter 93, which features an avalanche of rocks. My favorite lines were: We felt oppressed by the burden of silence, broken only by the crunch of our boots and the sinister burble of freshets coursing through the shale. And I also like this line about the way the griffon vulture looked: It regarded us balefully, as if disappointed at our good fortune.
Great 'r' alliteration in 'ragdoll' and 'roiling' above that. I wasn't sure what an oatmeal block was. Is it part of food rations? Interesting share.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Very many thanks, Cookie, for your review and encouragement. It's always useful to know which parts strike a chord. Thanks, too, for noting the alliteration.
Comment from Cindy Warren
The vultures must think they're in trouble. I hope Helen knows where she's going. The world can look different when it's covered in snow. But I'm guessing your story doesn't end with them freezing to death and getting eaten by buzzards. They'll make it to somewhere.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
The vultures must think they're in trouble. I hope Helen knows where she's going. The world can look different when it's covered in snow. But I'm guessing your story doesn't end with them freezing to death and getting eaten by buzzards. They'll make it to somewhere.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks for your review, Cindy. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Patty Palmer
Trying to keep a low profile, they are headed to somewhere safe. They are staying away from the road as much as possible. Traveling is slow and uncomfortable because Helen, who had sprained her ankle earlier and when the rocks were flying around she slipped and twisted it again.
This was well written and held my interest all the way through. Good job!
Patty
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
Trying to keep a low profile, they are headed to somewhere safe. They are staying away from the road as much as possible. Traveling is slow and uncomfortable because Helen, who had sprained her ankle earlier and when the rocks were flying around she slipped and twisted it again.
This was well written and held my interest all the way through. Good job!
Patty
Comment Written 04-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks for your review, Patty. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Another suspenseful post, Tony! I wish Charles hadn't lost his backpack - I foresee times of real hunger ahead. There's only snow for food for a while, I guess. It's good Helen knows the way.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
|
Another suspenseful post, Tony! I wish Charles hadn't lost his backpack - I foresee times of real hunger ahead. There's only snow for food for a while, I guess. It's good Helen knows the way.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2019
-
Thanks for your review, Helen. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
