Tanka : life with brittle bones
The life we have and the life we'll be.10 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Really liked your tanka as it grows deeper in meaning with each line. The first lines shows us that we have fragile lives, then the next two lines remind us of time (hour) and from the pivot of the hourglass, we move on to passing into memory!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Really liked your tanka as it grows deeper in meaning with each line. The first lines shows us that we have fragile lives, then the next two lines remind us of time (hour) and from the pivot of the hourglass, we move on to passing into memory!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2020
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Helen, I'm glad you liked this oldie. I have many where one has to look between the lines. :) I see you can see that makes me happy. Thank you
Jose
Comment from Bill Schott
This tanka, Life With Brittle Bones, looks good and reminds us that life wears away the body and soul until we are left as the stuff we step in and as the fleeting memory of those who will be stepping.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2019
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This tanka, Life With Brittle Bones, looks good and reminds us that life wears away the body and soul until we are left as the stuff we step in and as the fleeting memory of those who will be stepping.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2019
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True Bill. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Write a Tanka contest.
Your story of brittle bones is well told.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2019
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I think this is a good entry for the Write a Tanka contest.
Your story of brittle bones is well told.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2019
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Thank you Sharon. I'm glad you liked it. :)
Comment from Sugarray77
Hi there! I love this Tanka and think you did an excellent job interpreting the prompt. Well done on a vivid and imaginative verse. I really enjoyed reading it!!
Melissa
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Hi there! I love this Tanka and think you did an excellent job interpreting the prompt. Well done on a vivid and imaginative verse. I really enjoyed reading it!!
Melissa
Comment Written 01-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you Melissa. Coming from you it is a complement. Glad you enjoyed it. :)
Comment from Sanku
This is quite a good work.the last hours slowly seeping out like the sand grains in the hour glass.A good metaphorical way of describing.The last line 'becoming a memory' is brilliant.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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This is quite a good work.the last hours slowly seeping out like the sand grains in the hour glass.A good metaphorical way of describing.The last line 'becoming a memory' is brilliant.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you, Sanku. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Comment from oliver818
I really like this poem. You make a wonderful, if painful sounding, connection between sand, time and bones which is quite subtle and beautiful. Thanks for sharing this
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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I really like this poem. You make a wonderful, if painful sounding, connection between sand, time and bones which is quite subtle and beautiful. Thanks for sharing this
Comment Written 01-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you Oliver. It is sad, but that is life. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the stars. :)
Comment from Virginia Bishop
Beautiful! I love the imagery in this poem. You express, simply, the fragility of life and all that remains when time runs out. A good read. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Beautiful! I love the imagery in this poem. You express, simply, the fragility of life and all that remains when time runs out. A good read. Keep writing!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Virginia, I will keep writing until time runs out. :) I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Author, you have chosen a very challenging topic! I hope you are not a victim of this horrific disease!
However you have described it well! It is like being pulled, with the sand, through the neck of an hour glass!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Dear Author, you have chosen a very challenging topic! I hope you are not a victim of this horrific disease!
However you have described it well! It is like being pulled, with the sand, through the neck of an hour glass!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you Suzanna Ray. I'm glad you liked it. :) And no I'm not a victim to this disease.
Comment from Ricky1024
This is a "Write a Tanka writing prompt Entry"
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
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It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
Adjective Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly and good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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This is a "Write a Tanka writing prompt Entry"
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
Adjective Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly and good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you Doctor Ricky. I'm glad you like it. :)
Comment from Apriori
I just adore the line "sanding away every hour" I love too your decision to center the text to suggest the form of an hour glass. An exceptional tanka!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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I just adore the line "sanding away every hour" I love too your decision to center the text to suggest the form of an hour glass. An exceptional tanka!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2019
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Thank you Apryor. I try and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the stars. :)
