St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "St. Louis Chapter 16 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
14 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Lol, I'd like to have been there when Austin threatened Logan!! It must be awful to be targeted, I'd hate that. But, lots of P.Is are, it's their job to cause ripples in the rogue's alley. I'd fancy a cup of that coffee! Well done, Barbara, another excellent part. Just catching up now. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Lol, I'd like to have been there when Austin threatened Logan!! It must be awful to be targeted, I'd hate that. But, lots of P.Is are, it's their job to cause ripples in the rogue's alley. I'd fancy a cup of that coffee! Well done, Barbara, another excellent part. Just catching up now. Sandra xx
Comment Written 12-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019
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Logan isn't going to allow anything to happen to Mac, but it does. Thank you.
Comment from Sylvia Page
This is one of the stories on Fanstory I look forward to reading. You are doing a great job with this story. Austin Bryant is a new addition to the story. I don't see any background on him.
Looking forward to reading more.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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This is one of the stories on Fanstory I look forward to reading. You are doing a great job with this story. Austin Bryant is a new addition to the story. I don't see any background on him.
Looking forward to reading more.
Sylvia
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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There is no background on him. This is the only time you'll hear about him so I didn't add him to the character list. You're the second person to mention it. I guess I'd better add him. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from bob cullen
Barbara, I've not read any of your work recently but this excerpt tells me you're still one of the better writer's on Fanstory. This writing is every bit as good as the work I remember you presenting previously.
You write with the skill of a professional writer.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Barbara, I've not read any of your work recently but this excerpt tells me you're still one of the better writer's on Fanstory. This writing is every bit as good as the work I remember you presenting previously.
You write with the skill of a professional writer.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the awesome review. I have missed you. I'm glad you're back.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
It was just a gang related drive-by? (gang-related)
I can't stay held up in my home forever. (Holed up)
A couple spags I guess no one else saw. This is a well written chapter to this interesting story, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2019
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It was just a gang related drive-by? (gang-related)
I can't stay held up in my home forever. (Holed up)
A couple spags I guess no one else saw. This is a well written chapter to this interesting story, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 29-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2019
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I have made the changes. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from the13thpoet
A marvelous Monday to you Barbara, hope this review finds you well. I really have nothing to say about this except, thank you for the latest installment. This is one of my favorite stories to keep up with here on FanStory and I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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A marvelous Monday to you Barbara, hope this review finds you well. I really have nothing to say about this except, thank you for the latest installment. This is one of my favorite stories to keep up with here on FanStory and I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the dropping by and leave this encouraging post.
Comment from tfawcus
Another chapter with free-flowing and believable dialogue that moves the plot along nicely.
A small point, but I'd be inclined to separate Bryant from the coffee in this, by moving the action tag:
"Bryant, Austin Bryant." McKenzie stared at her coffee and then took a drink. "This tastes good. He wrote the book on being a jerk, but I don't believe he'd try to kill me."
"Bryant, Austin Bryant. He wrote the book on being a jerk, but I don't believe he'd try to kill me." McKenzie stared at her coffee and then took a drink. "This tastes good."
I notice that Austin Bryant isn't in your character list. Should he be?
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2019
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Another chapter with free-flowing and believable dialogue that moves the plot along nicely.
A small point, but I'd be inclined to separate Bryant from the coffee in this, by moving the action tag:
"Bryant, Austin Bryant." McKenzie stared at her coffee and then took a drink. "This tastes good. He wrote the book on being a jerk, but I don't believe he'd try to kill me."
"Bryant, Austin Bryant. He wrote the book on being a jerk, but I don't believe he'd try to kill me." McKenzie stared at her coffee and then took a drink. "This tastes good."
I notice that Austin Bryant isn't in your character list. Should he be?
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2019
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Austin Bryant isn't an important character, but maybe I do need to add him. I will. Thank you for the catch and I changed the coffee drinking.
Comment from judiverse
Poor Austin! It sounds like he ran to the police after his confrontation with Logan. That doesn't necessarily make him a suspect in the threats on Mac. Bill doesn't take Austin's side very seriously. Bill and Logan aren't giving up on their efforts to protect Mac. Mac protests all the security. It's not even safe for her to go jogging. That does seem to open up possibilities for another attack, so she's better follow advice and stay where she'll be safe. Excellent development. Characters are very believable. judi
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Poor Austin! It sounds like he ran to the police after his confrontation with Logan. That doesn't necessarily make him a suspect in the threats on Mac. Bill doesn't take Austin's side very seriously. Bill and Logan aren't giving up on their efforts to protect Mac. Mac protests all the security. It's not even safe for her to go jogging. That does seem to open up possibilities for another attack, so she's better follow advice and stay where she'll be safe. Excellent development. Characters are very believable. judi
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Things are going to get worse for her. Thank you for the kind review.
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Oh, my! Someone is really out to get her. It seems to me that this is personal, not relating to the case she's investigating. judi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
You seem to know how to make to conversation interesting between Logan and McKenzie when they were talking how to keep her (McKenzie) save. I wish I had a six to give you.
Gert
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Hello Barb
You seem to know how to make to conversation interesting between Logan and McKenzie when they were talking how to keep her (McKenzie) save. I wish I had a six to give you.
Gert
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I'm not worried about the six stars.
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You are welcome Barb.
Gert
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter. I need to go fix that chapter of my Ramble you had trouble reading. Need something different to "sitting duck" that means the same down later to avoid repetition. But being family Bill and Mac probably talk the same anyway. No spags.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Good chapter. I need to go fix that chapter of my Ramble you had trouble reading. Need something different to "sitting duck" that means the same down later to avoid repetition. But being family Bill and Mac probably talk the same anyway. No spags.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Now who wants to kill our macho heroine? And why? Is she getting close to solving the murder? Doesn't seem like it. Someone knows something that Mac might find out soon?
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Now who wants to kill our macho heroine? And why? Is she getting close to solving the murder? Doesn't seem like it. Someone knows something that Mac might find out soon?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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You're right, but what? Mac doesn't even know what she knows. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
